[nullify88]

> I notice that my contribution was evaluated based on my identity rather than the quality of the work, and I’d like to understand the needs that this policy is trying to meet, because I believe there might be ways to address those needs while also accepting technically sound contributions

Wow, where can I learn to write like this? I could use this at work.

[cowbolt]

It's called nonviolent communication. There are quite a few books on it but I can recommend "Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication".

[teekert]

It's also Rose of Leary like [0]. The theory is that being helpful to someone who is (ie) competitive or offensive will force them into other, more cooperative, behaviours (among others).

Once you see this pattern applied by someone it makes a lot of sense. Imho it requires some decoupling, emotional control, sometimes just "acting", but good acting, it must appear (or better yet, be) sincere to the other party.

[0] https://www.toolshero.com/communication-methods/rose-of-lear...

[jondwillis]

I went to a meditation garden yesterday and noticed their signage was much more nonviolent and “together” inducing than most, without coming across as too woowoo:

Next to a Koi pond: “Will you help protect these beautiful fish? Help us by not throwing coins, food, …”

[chrisjj]

I'm pretty sure the question was sarcasm. (Upvoted.)

[jdironman]

Step one reframe the problem not as an attack or accusation, instead as an observation.

Step two request justification, apply pressure

Step three give them an out by working with you

[KellyCriterion]

How shall to frame if there is actually a problem, which is not only an observation?

[nchmy]

what do you do when they are not operating in good faith?

[zeroonetwothree]

I hate this sort of communication, it's very manipulative. If I have to justify my decisions to every single person that asks something of me then I couldn't get any work done.

[WhyNotHugo]

While apparently well written, this is highly manipulative: the PR was closed because of the tools used by the contributor, not because of anything related to their identity.

[nolok]

Parent's first paragraph will point you the right way