If a recognizable celebrity figure (POTUS, a TV talking head, or a film star) walked into my vicinity, I'm going to stare. I'm going to stare mainly because I doubt seriously that the actual person that I think is here would come to where I am and I'm really trying to discover if that's a look-alike or a mask.
After seeing this woman's photo, I'd do the same kind of staring. Is it a mask? Is she real? When I discover she's real, now I'm curious what causes this particular look. I have large ears and at some point in my life I was curious why my ears were bigger that average. It's pretty much a genetic thing through my maternal grandfather's family. Where the trait originates I didn't particularly care.
When someone looks different enough from the other people you see every day-- ugly, attractive ... doesn't matter --you tend to stare. Apparently you can't just walk over to random people and ask things like "did you inherit those ears or are you a genetic anomaly?" and "you and your friend both have nice round rear ends, but what causes your waist to be so much wider than hers?" - it's considered rude. When our children do ask these questions of others, the child gets reprimanded (even if only by the shocked and insulted reaction by the other party) and learns not to educate themselves in this manner.
So you're out in public and you find yourself staring. Curiosity happens. Now, what's the next thing you do? Start whispering to the group you're with? Laughing? Making jokes? That's the problem. "Stop staring and start learning." Learning what exactly? That we're all humans and deserve the same respect? Yeah, your mama shoulda taught you that years ago.
How about we all just stop being assholes to each other?
I often try to think about it one step further, when you have a funny last name you have heard comments about it endless times already and I keep it for myself.
That also applies to famous people when they are in a casual environment, you look at them twice but that's the downside of being famous.
When it comes to visible things that are not self-explanatory I ignore them unless I want to know this person better. Then I ask directly once and then I am good.
This worked so far and I didn't offend someone so far, I think.
What amazing strength she shows. I find such strength very attractive, and I doubt I am alone. I wonder if people are born with such strength, or if we could all have it if we needed it (and perhaps with helpful guidance).
I bet she has to deal with pretty hostile reactions in her day to day life. Maybe not quite as horrible as "You should kill yourself", but still pretty bad.
UK TV station Channel 4 had an interesting documentary where they paired up people with facial disfigurement and people who really wanted cosmetic surgery. The comments that people with facial disfigurement had to endure in everyday life really were awful. (And there's plenty of research showing "ugly" people do less well than "pretty" people in things like job interviews and pay rises etc.)
---
(Unfortunately, most of the programmes had confrontational pairs who had little interest in understanding the other person.) The most interesting was a man who had extensive burn scars on his face, paired up with a woman who had large breasts. He went in saying that she should not have surgery at all. After a while he could see just how horrible people were to her just because of her large breasts. That's S01E01.
I've read somewhere that this behavior is some kind of valve for agression. Similar to laughing to specific kinds of comedy, or cursing at the other team in a stadium.
When you compare that to real violence, this is culturally very advanced.
There is the downside that some take stuff often very personal, they have to learn that these things are more about these people themselves than about the target.
I totally disagree. The quote marks around the words "World's Ugliest Woman" indicate that this was an actual opinion that someone expressed but that it isn't necessarily a fact. That's really the point of the story, how she dealt with the hurtful comments of others.
Staring is how we learn. Yes, it's uncomfortable for the one being stared at, but if they truly want anyone to understand their condition they'll first have to accept that being different means being the focus of attention.
[+] [-] delinka|13 years ago|reply
After seeing this woman's photo, I'd do the same kind of staring. Is it a mask? Is she real? When I discover she's real, now I'm curious what causes this particular look. I have large ears and at some point in my life I was curious why my ears were bigger that average. It's pretty much a genetic thing through my maternal grandfather's family. Where the trait originates I didn't particularly care.
When someone looks different enough from the other people you see every day-- ugly, attractive ... doesn't matter --you tend to stare. Apparently you can't just walk over to random people and ask things like "did you inherit those ears or are you a genetic anomaly?" and "you and your friend both have nice round rear ends, but what causes your waist to be so much wider than hers?" - it's considered rude. When our children do ask these questions of others, the child gets reprimanded (even if only by the shocked and insulted reaction by the other party) and learns not to educate themselves in this manner.
So you're out in public and you find yourself staring. Curiosity happens. Now, what's the next thing you do? Start whispering to the group you're with? Laughing? Making jokes? That's the problem. "Stop staring and start learning." Learning what exactly? That we're all humans and deserve the same respect? Yeah, your mama shoulda taught you that years ago.
How about we all just stop being assholes to each other?
[+] [-] sek|13 years ago|reply
I often try to think about it one step further, when you have a funny last name you have heard comments about it endless times already and I keep it for myself.
That also applies to famous people when they are in a casual environment, you look at them twice but that's the downside of being famous.
When it comes to visible things that are not self-explanatory I ignore them unless I want to know this person better. Then I ask directly once and then I am good.
This worked so far and I didn't offend someone so far, I think.
[+] [-] dhimes|13 years ago|reply
[+] [-] frogpelt|13 years ago|reply
It's one of the many ways that the Internet has amplified character issues that already existed in society.
[+] [-] DanBC|13 years ago|reply
UK TV station Channel 4 had an interesting documentary where they paired up people with facial disfigurement and people who really wanted cosmetic surgery. The comments that people with facial disfigurement had to endure in everyday life really were awful. (And there's plenty of research showing "ugly" people do less well than "pretty" people in things like job interviews and pay rises etc.)
--- (Unfortunately, most of the programmes had confrontational pairs who had little interest in understanding the other person.) The most interesting was a man who had extensive burn scars on his face, paired up with a woman who had large breasts. He went in saying that she should not have surgery at all. After a while he could see just how horrible people were to her just because of her large breasts. That's S01E01.
(http://www.channel4.com/programmes/beauty-the-beast-ugly-fac...)
(http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/organgrinder/2010/aug/26/bea...)
[+] [-] sek|13 years ago|reply
When you compare that to real violence, this is culturally very advanced.
There is the downside that some take stuff often very personal, they have to learn that these things are more about these people themselves than about the target.
[+] [-] BasDirks|13 years ago|reply
[+] [-] GiraffeNecktie|13 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Zikes|13 years ago|reply
[+] [-] antidoh|13 years ago|reply
If you want to truly understand someone's condition, first be their friend and earn the right to talk to them about it. Or jump on wikipedia.
But don't stare. People are not here for your edu-porn.
[+] [-] sp332|13 years ago|reply
[+] [-] georgebarnett|13 years ago|reply
This woman is remarkable given the challenges she has had to face. I hope she continues to educate those with small minded opinions.
[+] [-] spindritf|13 years ago|reply
No, humans have a pretty converging opinion on what's attractive in other humans. To the point of being quantifiable https://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/09/fashion/09skin.html?pagew...
And, really, come on, the idea of sexual selection is 150 years old. We don't need to be slaves to it but it is real.
[+] [-] dajo|13 years ago|reply
[+] [-] addlepate|13 years ago|reply
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