I am a divorced father with a 3 years old son. My son does not yell at me nor at any one else (AFAIK).
When he wants something he requests it, and I will usually honor his request unless I see a good reason for not doing so. If that's the case, I will take the time to explain it to him even thou I know that he will not understand everything I say. I think that's important, because it shows commitment to him. My decisions are usually final (for now). This will change when he grows up and becomes able to articulate good arguments on the reasons of what he wants.
He does play with other children. And when he does, he is quite clear on the limits with him. When another children attempts to steal one of his toys he will stand on principle (I really like that he has this personality). He will talk with other children but not yell. If the other child is yelling he will probably ignore him. And he chooses to play with other children who are also calmed.
If he does not do something I want him to do, he will get punished (as part of the feedback loop). It usually involves not looking at his favorite cartoons. If he does something right, he gets a praise.
What is even more interesting is that other people's sons and daughters also behave like that when they are with me. So, it leaves two possible choices:
1. I am somehow special and children behave different around me.
2. Lots of children also behave like my son.
So far, I have chosen option number 2 as my belief. I also think that if you make clear the boundaries for children, they will honor them.
What on Earth has "yelling while playing" have to do with "yelling at a person" --- ?? I am truly tired of all these strawman being trotted out. Some actual replies would be nice.
He will talk with other children but not yell. [..] Lots of children also behave like my son.
Does he also not ever squee real loud for sheer excitement? You know, humans only have a short window where they can even experience the world that intensely. Sometimes it's good to let them.
I also think that if you make clear the boundaries for children, they will honor them.
Yes, but I think it's important to have good reasons (there's plenty for "don't yell at people", not so many for "do not ever, under any circumstances, exceed this loudness threshold while playing"), and to be honest about them; like you are, and like the OP decidedly isn't. Even just "you cannot understand that yet", if it's actually true and spoken in a bond of trust, can be enough. But "the magic pixie dust in the computer has spoken because I can't be arsed to tell you to shut up while I leave you alone with the computer?" Nah.
> I will take the time to explain it to him even thou I know that he will not understand everything I say
This worked surprisingly well from a very young age (<1) for my son. It seems like it shows him I take his concerns seriously, but that I have good reason for my objections.
aurelianito|13 years ago
When he wants something he requests it, and I will usually honor his request unless I see a good reason for not doing so. If that's the case, I will take the time to explain it to him even thou I know that he will not understand everything I say. I think that's important, because it shows commitment to him. My decisions are usually final (for now). This will change when he grows up and becomes able to articulate good arguments on the reasons of what he wants.
He does play with other children. And when he does, he is quite clear on the limits with him. When another children attempts to steal one of his toys he will stand on principle (I really like that he has this personality). He will talk with other children but not yell. If the other child is yelling he will probably ignore him. And he chooses to play with other children who are also calmed.
If he does not do something I want him to do, he will get punished (as part of the feedback loop). It usually involves not looking at his favorite cartoons. If he does something right, he gets a praise.
What is even more interesting is that other people's sons and daughters also behave like that when they are with me. So, it leaves two possible choices:
1. I am somehow special and children behave different around me.
2. Lots of children also behave like my son.
So far, I have chosen option number 2 as my belief. I also think that if you make clear the boundaries for children, they will honor them.
neumann_alfred|13 years ago
He will talk with other children but not yell. [..] Lots of children also behave like my son.
Does he also not ever squee real loud for sheer excitement? You know, humans only have a short window where they can even experience the world that intensely. Sometimes it's good to let them.
I also think that if you make clear the boundaries for children, they will honor them.
Yes, but I think it's important to have good reasons (there's plenty for "don't yell at people", not so many for "do not ever, under any circumstances, exceed this loudness threshold while playing"), and to be honest about them; like you are, and like the OP decidedly isn't. Even just "you cannot understand that yet", if it's actually true and spoken in a bond of trust, can be enough. But "the magic pixie dust in the computer has spoken because I can't be arsed to tell you to shut up while I leave you alone with the computer?" Nah.
jacobr|13 years ago
This worked surprisingly well from a very young age (<1) for my son. It seems like it shows him I take his concerns seriously, but that I have good reason for my objections.
ajuc|13 years ago