top | item 535247

My Love, Hate, Love Again, Affair with Paul Graham

71 points| jkuria | 17 years ago |gicleelife.com | reply

61 comments

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[+] ewjordan|17 years ago|reply
Damn...make sure you don't miss the breakup letter he sent to his ex-gf: http://www.gicleelife.com/email.php

My summary: You're kind of a pain in my ass and I can't waste time on your Emotions if I want to be a Success. Let's be friends, cya! ;D

I hate to judge people on their personal matters, but this was published and prominently linked, so it's fair game: that's some real cold stuff. I'm all for ambition and wanting to succeed, and it's true that I know nothing about the relationship (there may be plenty of other factors that change things), but to me it's still important to maintain some level of compassion and decency in your human interactions, especially outside of business - at least without context, the lack of tact and general bluntness seem to indicate a real sensitivity problem.

To me that's an entirely inappropriate way to end what you once considered a serious relationship, not to mention the inherent cruelty of an e-mail breakup, and the further salt-in-wound damage you inflict by posting the letter online...

Am I alone here?

[+] philelly|17 years ago|reply
i think people are going a little overboard about this. it was a humorous essay, reflecting real events probably but told in an exaggerated style. (i do admit that the part about the dad and girlfriend pushed the humor into something a bit awkward.)

i thought his observations about paul's essays were pretty spot-on, and i'm surprised few people have mentioned this.

[+] tipjoy|17 years ago|reply
Um, early April Fools joke? Oh and did you go to the homepage: http://www.gicleelife.com ? I'm laughing, anyway.
[+] gcheong|17 years ago|reply
Looks like you could add Tim Ferris to this guy's list of "heroes"?
[+] jrnkntl|17 years ago|reply
Seriously, he broke up with his GF in an email?
[+] time_management|17 years ago|reply
He also posted her picture, which is (1) somewhat inapprpropriate, and (2) makes him look even dumber, because she's absolutely gorgeous, and it sounds like there was nothing wrong with the relationship.

If you have to dump a good relationship with a beautiful girl, you're doing it wrong.

[+] simplegeek|17 years ago|reply
>> PG says all you need is a copy of K&R and a Linux box

Did PG really say this ?

[+] delano|17 years ago|reply
"[3] Learning to hack is a lot cheaper than business school, because you can do it mostly on your own. For the price of a Linux box, a copy of K&R, and a few hours of advice from your neighbor's fifteen year old son, you'll be well on your way."

-- http://www.paulgraham.com/start.html

[+] mahmud|17 years ago|reply
this is how good people are made into cult-figures; please do not idolize hackers, they don't care if you do.
[+] unalone|17 years ago|reply
I'll play devil's advocate and say that it's not making the guy into a cult figure, it's writing about one person's relationship with his writings. That ought to happen with any good writer and thinker: they should build relationships with people on the basis of their work alone.

I have a similar relationship with PG's essays, though mine's not a particularly strong one. My cofounder, on the other hand, quotes PG essays a lot, looks into a lot of the things he recommends, and definitely has had his mindset changed a few times over the course of reading his archives. That's what's so cool about writing! When you make an essay you're putting a part of yourself - your opinions along with your personality - out there for anybody to see. It builds a connection with people, lots of people, on the fact of its sheer existence.

That's not a cult. That's good writing.

[+] YuriNiyazov|17 years ago|reply
I actually don't know why people knock on "You weren't meant to have a boss", even the original, stronger version.
[+] sho|17 years ago|reply
Jesus christ. I guess this is the downside of being famous - random crazy people start fixating upon you as their leader/friend/saviour/nemesis/soulmate and reading all sorts of crap into every aspect of their life, when all you were trying to do was write a decent essay. What do you even say to people like this.

Dude .. I don't know what you are looking for, but it is almost certain you will not find it in PG.

This kind of thing scares me, it really does. Intelligent person .. good writing, obviously can express himself well .. but this search, this willingness to devote himself to something, someone, anything .. this is a serious bug in man's programming. I don't know the answer.

[+] smidwap|17 years ago|reply
You are reading way too much into this blog post. I think much of the post's content can be treated somewhat humorously, e.g. he is using the Love, Hate, Love Again title as more of a metaphor than a description of his real feelings for PG. Some stuff might be a little extreme (like screaming "I Love you, PG!") but do you want to crucify (allusion to your use of JC) him for showing a little emotion? Plus it lightens the reading of the post. Imagine a bland person's post on his love, hate, love again relationship with PG: "His stuff excited me, then it didn't, then it did again." Lame.

I get the feeling from your very own comment that you are attempting to unfold a much grander thought of yours by taking this guy's blog post out of context. I won't question the premise that there are overly-obsesses fanatics out there, but not this guy. In the end, this guy is just another critic with a unique writing style. Kudos to him.

[+] kirubakaran|17 years ago|reply
"Jesus Christ" ... "random crazy people start fixating upon you as their leader/friend/saviour/nemesis/soulmate and reading all sorts of crap into every aspect of their life"

You may be on to something bigger than what you meant.

[+] unalone|17 years ago|reply
I said this in my below comment, but... Don't people do the same thing with any kind of artist? I know that I feel I have a personal relationship with David Lynch that's evolved as I watch his movies. I definitely have that relationship with author Daniel Handler: I'll find an old interview of his and feel slightly wounded, like he didn't tell me about it before.

That's natural. We devote ourselves all the times to good things. Do you ever get into web browser fights? Or Mac vs. PC arguments? Hacker News versus Digg? Because that's all devotion.

[+] petercooper|17 years ago|reply
but this search, this willingness to devote himself to something, someone, anything .. this is a serious bug in man's programming.

Is it really a bug? Idolation is more common than it's not and I'd be surprised if everyone hadn't felt it to an extent (if only to a non human entity, such as a programming language, a band, or a religion).

[+] gcheong|17 years ago|reply
His About Me page on his blog gives some insight into what he's looking for, or at least become, I think:

"My dream is to some day settle in a remote commune in Kenya and raise kids who will be pure in thought, word and deed, devoid of all the ills of modernity and westernization."

[+] siong1987|17 years ago|reply
He seems to forget to mention that YC is PG next startup after Viaweb.

Without referring to this point, the arguments in the second half of the article suddenly become less persuasive.

[+] alecco|17 years ago|reply
Because we are apes, our behavior follows the dictations of the endocrine system. Love, worship, depression, happiness, it's all an evolutionary con job.
[+] mrtron|17 years ago|reply
I think the downside is easily outweighed by being able to inspire people.