[djan92]

Hello,

Can anyone provide any advice on how to help a friend through depression? I met this friend about a month and half ago and he recently opened up to me about his depression. He's been in and out of depression since high school (about three years I think; he is currently on medications and getting help; he's reached out to me first (we're studying abroad in Asia) and I would like to help in anyway possible. My questions are:

1) How much do I reach out and ask to hang out/eat/etc.? 2) What are the boundaries I should be aware of? Should I bring up the depression and ask him how he's doing every day? other day? week? 3) Any general advice (I went through semi-depression for about 6 months, but it was not anywhere near as drastic) (I also helped a friend through depression last year which was almost suicidal)

Thank you. I appreciate any advice you can provide.

[newplagiarist]

Having a strong social support network is a good foundation for dealing with depression. My best advice to you is just be available for when he wants to talk. Let him know that if he ever needs to talk, be it day or night, you're there for him and that he can call you. Thoughts of suicidal ideation or self-harm can come at any time and he will need someone to talk to during those times.

Onto your other questions. The amount of time that he spends hanging out with any individual won't matter too much; having him be in company with people he enjoys several times a week is what is key. What this means is, it doesn't have to be you particularly but if he is hanging-out with others at least 2 or 3 times a week it would be beneficial.

The only boundaries that exist are the ones he implements. Generally, you'll just need to ask him how he's doing and not 'remind' him of his depression everyday, but how often you do that should be down to him to decide.

The best piece of advice I can give, is to observe him. If there is a drastic change in behavior or energy level, that is when you need to intervene and either try to get him to talk or just get him out of the house.

Overall, the above article is a good basis for coping with depression. The author hinted at, but never explicitly said, two key points that I feel the need to reiterate. If your friend is taking medication or is thinking about medication it can take awhile to take effect, on the magnitude of weeks or months, and that not all depression medication is the same - if one pill isn't working move onto others. Second, if your friend is seeing a therapist, again, not all therapist are the same. If he is not connecting with the therapist personally then his treatment is going to be much less effective.

I hope that helps.

[djan92]

Thank you very much - I really appreciate your advice. He recently switched medication, and I'll ask him if he's noticed any changes yet. Thank you.

[DanBC]

Ask your friend what would be useful. Ask your friend about a "rainy day action plan" - this would be a list of things for you to look out for, and a list of small things your friend could do to let you know things are particularly tough for them.

For example, some people find it too hard to say "Things are tough. I need help" but they would be able to wear a particular hoody and listen to certain music. You'd know to look out for those things, and be able to ask how things are going.

When your pal is having a tough time you might want to allow them to have a week off, and then help them get back into society. They may need encouragement to cook food (or eat good food), or get exercise, or leave the house, or what not. Don't do all this stuff for them, but do help them get it done.

Some people may be at risk of suicide. Saying "Are you having thoughts of ending your life" is acceptable; if they are you need to get them professional help.

There are almost certainly good groups in your country that can provide more help and advice.

This is just advice, I have no professional knowledge etc etc. Good Luck!! It's a tricky thing to deal with.

[djan92]

Thank you very much - I really appreciate your advice. I think the "rainy day action plan" is exactly what I needed to hear. Soon, we'll be traveling through China together and I believe I'll get a chance to talk to him more and put your advice to use. Thank you.