[ruthburr]

I think the parenthetical actually is your most important point. All of the behaviors I've described are perfectly acceptable among known company, but unfortunately not everyone has that fine awareness. I also find sex jokes and toilet humor funny, but not in an environment that's already a sexual harassment minefield to me. I could take a step back and say "don't make innuendoes to people you don't know very well because it's rude" and that would also be true.

I agree that we should let people know when they transgress our boundaries, but putting the onus on women to constantly call people out on their behavior (which we should all do more, even though it's really hard and uncomfortable and scary to do) removes men's agency to also help with the problem - something I sincerely believe many men would like to do. I think approaching how we interact with a bit more thought and awareness of the unintentional impressions we may give off will go a long way for all of us, as humans, to interact better.

[ccallebs]

You've certainly given me some food for thought. I had not considered that it could potentially be a full time job informing those around you that they are being crude and/or disrespectful.

It also seems that we are agreement on everything except the agency of men. While I would personally call someone out if they were being overtly sexist or disrespectful to anyone, I cannot expect others to do so. For some people, the thought of calling someone out in public is a terrifying proposition. Which, as I typed that, I realized that this was exactly your point as to why the onus should not be put solely on women. It seems that I have won and lost an argument with myself.

[ruthburr]

My point about the agency of men is more: I know so many men to whom I've pointed out things like the huge gray area presented by compliments, who were glad to have their awareness raised. Not saying men should be policing other people, just being more deliberate about their own language and actions. So, for that matter, should women.