[ahoyhere]

Surely I'm not the only one who read the screenshotted exchanges and thought:

He just told the OP he's waiting for "answers" from the doctor. He can't make travel plans. He says it's long, gruesome, UGH.

Guys. In case you have the social instinct of a cockroach, this is what they call A SIGN. Not a subtle one, either. That is when you LEAP to care for your friend.

Here's what you do. You ask: Wait a minute, forget about whatever it is I wanted to talk about -- what's wrong? Are you okay? Do you want to talk? Why don't I come visit you instead of expecting you to travel?

Alas, the author just glossed forward with "Well if you decide you can make it, let me know!"

The sick (now dead) friend expressed well wishes for health to the OP, only to receive what kind of well wishes in return? None. Not even "good luck with your doctor's visit that I don't want to ask about cuz I'm not comfortable expressing feelings."

How self-centered do you have to be to not even wish a friend with obvious health problems "good luck" or "feel better"?

> "Now you’re probably thinking I’m a real shitty friend."

Yes, but not because you didn't know he died. But because you didn't care enough to notice or ask while he was alive.

[knice]

This was my thought too. The OP's friend seemed to be responding to each communication with leading statements and not once does it elicit a "tell me more" or "Oh goodness Mike, what's wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

[sage_joch]

It seems wrong to say both that he has the "social instinct of a cockroach" and that he's selfish (implying his oversight was a choice). I'm inclined to believe it's the former, given that he is making a post like this. Social instinct is not easy for many programmers, myself included. Your comment almost amounts to assigning blame via the butterfly effect.

edit: rewording my first sentence per comment below

[awj]

> You can't simultaneously say that he has the "social instinct of a cockroach" and that he's selfish.

I'm pretty sure you don't need social skills to be self-centered.

[wisty]

> We were hardly best friends, but we were meaningful in each other’s lives.

They weren't really good friends. And he did wish him the best, and asked if he could help.