[chanced]

"At age 1, Kristoffer got past the toddler lock screen on a cell phone by holding down the home key."

Not to be "that guy" or anything but I suspect it is pretty normal for a child to hold down a button.

First, what kind of lousy lock wouldn't safeguard against, what was likely either the only or one of a few buttons, being held down?

Second, sounds like proud father has made at least a few false connections. He is a geeky equivalent of a creationist museum tourist.