When I was in college I heard a story on NPR about a journalist named the Georgia Rambler. He would journey throughout Georgia on a whim, stopping to talk to strangers. [0]
Being a journalism student in the South at the time, I thought, "Hey, that sounds like a fun experiment." A group of friends and I started an informal club called Map Dart. The premise was to toss a dart at a map, travel to wherever it landed and talk to strangers in the city or town to capture their stories.
We received a lot of negative feedback from people who weren't interested in journalism. Mostly, they seemed to predisposed to think that the strangers in rural Georgia and northern Florida would shoe us away from their properties. Some even joked that we would be shot.
The truth was something much different. Sure, the trips were initially awkward. We would arrive at a small-town diner, look around, sigh and think, "Okay, who's going to break the ice..." But once we got talking, the strangers were always welcoming. The owners of a tobacco farm and a turpentine factory even showed us around their properties. [1]
For me, the experiences of MapDart validate the research in this story. The unpleasantness of interacting with strangers almost always has to do with that initial "ice breaking" moment. It's relatively smooth sailing once the ice is broken.
Social engineering uses this a lot. It's rare and catches people of guard when a stranger strikes up a conversation and positioning yourself as friendly and attentive about listening and putting the emphasis on the stranger and not yourself can really open a lot of doors. Compliments, reiterating the persons information but leaving it open ended allowing them room to elaborate, etc. People love talking about themselves and they love people that make it easy for them to do.
If you haven't already read Dale Carnigie's "How to win friends and influence people" that book literally changed the way I communicate with people.
> When I was in college I heard a story on NPR about a journalist named the Georgia Rambler. He would journey throughout Georgia on a whim, stopping to talk to strangers.
Australia's SBS television station had a show called Front Up which did exactly this. They would randomly walk through the streets, stop and interview people. Random people, fantastic stories:
Tangentially related:
the recent "Humans of New York," blog/book [1] and the various other spin offs [2][3] seem to thrive on this same experience. Something about breaking the ice and making human connections seems to strike an inherent chord within many people, despite the difficulty many of us have putting such techniques into practice.
Greeting strangers and making small talk is normal behavior in Georgia. Kind of sad how the north coastal cultures treat friendliness as an abnormal behavior.
I may be alone in this but I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't even want people to talk around me but that's probably not anything I can expect. I want to read my book. I want to be left alone. In Japan it's very much frowned upon to talk on the train, at least in Tokyo. I kind of like that system.
Why? I'm just not friendly. I don't enjoy talking. It's filled with social anxiety and if I want to stop talking I can't just stop. I can't just say "you know what I don't want to talk anymore" and then look away in the middle of a conversation. I don't want to spend 20 minutes or half the day wondering how I came across in the conversation. I definitely don't want my time dictated by others. I had a friend actually get mad at me when I said I would ignore someone who struck a conversation with me on BART, he felt I was obligated to respond to not make that person feel shitty, but maybe that person should just have noticed that my body language is all about being left the fuck alone.
> In Japan it's very much frowned upon to talk on the train, at least in Tokyo. I kind of like that system.
My experience was different. Random people started conversations with me, including a coy girl on the shinkansen, even though her English was as good as my non-existant Japanese. I'm pretty sure it depends on how inviting you look for conversations. I mostly had a dumb smile on throughout my trip, so I guess they liked that.
Reading your book is a strong signal that you don't want to be disturbed. Most people would respect that.
I believe the article was more referring to people falling into activities as an icebreaker avoidance behaviour than as a legitimate need to concentrate. :-)
And that is just fine, too - one thing you (and everyone) should remember is that not everyone is or wants the same socially, and not everyone responds the same way about social interaction.
I would personally find it really awkward and unpleasant if every time I got on a train or bus some random tried to engage me in conversation. Just leave me alone so I can enjoy being by myself!
Not that you should feel obliged to be other than you are, but if you don't like the social anxiety you can work on that. I have, and now I generally find small talk with strangers quite pleasant. It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I made the change.
Isn't this the point of the article though? that most people thought just like you, that the interaction would be miserable and a waste of their time, yet they were enriched by it?
I wonder how this would vary between countries. Generally the cultural norm in the Nordic region isn't positive on striking up conversation with random people; it's seen as a bit of a violation of people's personal space (exceptions apply to bars). There's some kind of joke I don't fully remember about people who start conversations with strangers, which has the punchline: "he's either drunk, insane, or foreign".
The article says that those are "commuter norms" in Chicago also, but my own experience is that Americans are much more likely to strike up a conversation in public, even at places like a bus stop or in a grocery check-out line, which would be considered very weird in Denmark or (especially) Finland. When I lived in Santa Cruz, California, on the other hand, it was seen as a bit weird not to at least exchange a little small-talk in some of those situations.
I hear this all the time, yet when I was in Denmark and Iceland I found that folks never seemed to be weirded out if I started a conversation with them (when ordering food, waiting for a bus, or out in a bar for example) in fact they'd often happily chat and even sometimes invite me along to where they were going next if they were out partying/drinking. Danes and Icelanders struck me as an incredibly friendly bunch. I've even had several people strike up conversations with me in both countries.
That being said when I was in Copenhagen I did notice that this openness didn't seem to be nearly as present amongst the Swedes who came over from Malmö. Come to think of it during my travels in Denmark and Iceland the only time Finns or Swedes ever struck up conversation with me was when they were drunk.
Yes, and no. People who observe people striking up a conversation are likely to react in that way, but in my experience people who are approached are almost always friendly even in Northern Europe when approached by a stranger.
In a way, striking up a conversation with strangers in Northern Europe is easier than in the US, as nobody expects it. "Everyone" will wait to hear you out. No matter how awkward and nervous you sound, people will tend to lap up the attention, because it is so rare.
I'm quite introvert, and a few years ago I decided that I was isolating myself too much, and decided to make some very basic changes. For starters, I decided to greet people as much as possible, and to aim to get eye contact. Not with every random stranger, but e.g. cashiers in a shop; bus drivers etc. or other situations where there was "natural" contact.
What I didn't expect was the outcome: Within a couple of weeks, the cashiers at the shop I used to buy my lunch in were pouring out their life stories to me, after I'd been going there for months without even recognising any of their faces before. If there was a queue, they'd rush past me and motion me to their till and open it. One of the bus drivers that had been on my route for years without me ever recognising him, approached me when he suddenly recognised me at the gym, and we now chat whenever we see each other.
I've since occasionally chatted up total strangers in the street too, and the worst reaction I've ever had was a single time when a girl just kept walking and told me "not interested".
Frankly, a bar is a far more brutal environment. For anyone that fear rejection that wants to talk to strangers, random passers-by on the street will be far easier than a bar or a club even in Northern Europe.
I think the mindset both in the Nordic countries - I'm Norwegian - and England where I'm now, is that other people will think I'm weird if I talk to them, while at the same time because of that, people see it almost as a compliment if they're approached by people that show a genuine interest in them (e.g. in London my experience is that you'll get a positive response from pretty much any random stranger on the street unless you come across as representing a charity; in England there's a word for people collecting for charities on the street: chugger - a contraction of "charity" and "mugger").
Here in the Netherlands it's not a popular thing to do either, though most people don't mind it, they just would rather not in case someone minds, but they usually don't.
I'm in luck that my commute - both to university and work - includes the train from the Amsterdam airport to the central station, so I'm among tourists all the time there. It generally does seem easier to strike up a conversation with them. But I wonder if that's because they're from a different culture, or just because they're on holiday rather than on their daily commute.
I'm from Boston. I saw spontaneous group conversations break out among strangers fairly often. Certainly, I would not think twice if it happened there. In eight years in Seattle, I have never seen it happen, not even once.
I had a conversation about this exact thing while on a business trip with some colleagues recently. I'm from Ireland while my colleagues were from Finland, Italy and France. In Irish culture, we talk a lot and seeing strangers conversing on public transport, with the cashier at the check-out or just waiting at a bus stop is quite normal. However, my Italian and Finnish friends said that this was one of the weirdest things they had to get used to when in Ireland. In their respective countries it's just considered common courtesy to not start up conversations with strangers and just grant them their personal space.
This social experiment is very interesting, but the results would probably be very different depending on what country you're in.
"Culture" expresses the maturity of our species. And maturity is an ongoing and never-ending process. Which means: you can/shoud always be asking "what must still be improved?" (on a personal and then societal level).
Every culture contains (sometimes very) unhealthy elements. And it's our job to root those out.
Behavioral norms promoting social isolation is one of those immature elements of certain cultures.
As a Brit, everytime I go to the US I experience interesting social differences. Two fun ones I can recall:
1. Americans are so quick to give up their name whereas there are people I've "known" (as in, I can have a conversation with them and we know who each other is) here in the UK for years and I do not know their names (e.g. people at the corner store, people at user groups). This is not unusual either.
2. Talking in elevators. This rarely happens in the UK but I'd say 50% of the time I'm in a hotel elevator in the US, people say "hi", "good morning" or even try to start a conversation. While I find this unsettling at first, I usually coming away from it thinking it's cute.
As a Canadian who is in the United States (California, Redwood City) for long periods of time, I get used to a somewhat greater social distance. It's not obvious, until you come back home to Canada (In my case, Vancouver, Coquitlam, Burnaby) - and it seems like every Canadian wants to be chatty with you to the point of distraction.
What's weird about this, is if you had asked me while I was in Canada, I would have said there is somewhat of a convention of social distancing - but, there is clearly a spectrum.
I really hate when people talk to me on the trains. I usually have a book I'm reading, computer to work on, etc.. Yet it's not polite to tell them I don't want to talk. Often short one word answers aren't enough to clue them in either. The article claims we should sit down and talk to strangers, but what if the stranger is similarly forced to respond and doesn't want to?
I have to wonder - is this a Starbucks promotional piece? Why is a Starbucks gift card so effective? Why is a Starbucks cafe the perfect place to study these kinds of interactions? Is the Starbucks brand something that we, as readers, need to connect in our minds with the core company concepts of conviviality and happiness? Would sponsoring a scientific study help with this? Or am I just too cynical for this world? Maybe I need a latte to calm down.
> By the end of the train ride, commuters who talked to a stranger reported having a more positive experience than those who had sat in solitude.
Explanation 1: Either there are more extraverts than introverts in Chicago, or more extraverts volunteered to participate in the experiment (selection bias).
Explanation 2: When it comes to deriving pleasure from short, shallow interaction with a random stranger, there's not much difference between extraverts and introverts. Hell, I'm officially diagnosed with Asperger's and I still enjoy those quick interactions. I just happen to be not very good at it.
As the article itself suggests:
The great thing about strangers is that
we tend to put on our happy face when we meet them,
reserving our crankier side for the people we know and love.
But there's one thing that the article fails to mention.
As an autistic introvert, I'm still capable of deriving pleasure from talking with strangers from time to time, but the need to put on a happy face and consciously maintain it also puts a great strain on me. Too much mask-wearing makes me exhausted. At the end of the day, I no longer even have the energy to conjure up a passable mask, so I return to my usual cranky self. In other words, the momentary burst of happiness has a significant energy cost, and the ROI for introverts may be much lower (or even negative) than it is for extraverts.
I suspect that these studies have the limitation, that only more extroverted people agree to do such things for a $5 gift card, while the introverts just say no (I'm using the terms extrovert and introvert loosely here).
And yeah, of course the extroverts would feel happier when talking to people, while those who wouldn't feel so rarely even participate in the study [if my suspicion is right].
That's a great hypothesis. Also, I often enjoy having short conversations on the BART if someone strikes them up with me, but I'm not so sure I want to spend the whole ride talking.
This happens often enough if you read because people often remark on the book you're reading. It's okay to then have a short conversation that starts off from that so long as it's occasional.
If every single time I got on the train someone wanted to talk to me, I might wear sunglasses and plug earphones in.
I've started doing this. I've never had a negative experience, and it's usually been a lot of fun. If someone isn't interested, it's obvious, and you stop.
I highly recommend trying it. Lots of smiles on both sides.
"One group was asked to talk to the stranger who sat down next to them on the train that morning. Other people were told to follow standard commuter norms, keeping to themselves. By the end of the train ride, commuters who talked to a stranger reported having a more positive experience than those who had sat in solitude."
What about the passengers they accosted? The no talking norm on public transit isn't meant to protect the shy from having to initiate conversations, since that's easy not to do. It's to protect people from strangers who want to but in. I'm sure every loudmouth who tried to strike up a conversation seated next to me on an airplane thought it was a fine idea, but I would have been happier to be left alone.
Speaking to a stranger != accosting. Welcome to the internet, where you can be bold enough to bash well meaning strangers who spoke to you, yet not bold enough in real life to simply decline a conversation.
"The benefits of connecting with others also turn out to be contagious. Dr. Epley and Ms. Schroeder found that when one person took the initiative to speak to another in a waiting room, both people reported having a more positive experience. Far from annoying people by violating their personal bubbles, reaching out to strangers may improve their day, too."
I almost never chat with people on transit, but while commuting via bicycle I've often had conversations with fellow riders. I wonder what the difference is that encourages conversation. I guess maybe the likely shared interest in bicycles is a good conversation starter?
Interesting. I can't imagine having a conversation whilst cycling, but then I do tend to go fairly fast a lot of the time, so I am concentrating on not hitting anything.
Though I did think something similar reading these comments. Living in a city with lots of people it is rare to interact. As soon as you leave the city, and do some outdoor stuff, hiking / mountain biking / kayak, its normal to speak to stranger, and kind of rude if you don't even acknowledge them.
If you ever get the chance to travel Indian railways, say, in a non-airconditioned class (which is cheaper and hence has more "average" people), you will inevitably end up chatting about politics (typically with the older generation), railway route trivia (I seriously don't know why that is SO interesting to my dad's generation), movies/cricket and everything else under the sun.
And if you are a foreigner, god help you. By the time you disembark, you'll have a group of 5-6 people who just digged your life history including how much money you make, out of you.
Except shitty toilets (no pun intended) and general hygiene issues, it is a very interesting way to travel.
I still suck at talking to strangers, the concept scares me greatly, I've never been entirely sure why. Anxiety maybe?
My biggest breakthrough was realizing in college, that I could go to a coffee shop and order a cup of coffee and talk to the cashier, and they were usually very friendly. So, now when anyone is serving or helping me (waitress, barista, security guard, guy who empties the trash cans, whatever) I say hi and ask "how's it going". It's not a deep interaction, and it's not huge, but considering the number of days I used to go without saying anything to anyone, it's a nice improvement.
I used to frequent the bay area around 2000 when I worked for a Singapore based startup who setup their HQ there. As I didnt have a driving license, I used to take public buses from San Mateo to Burlingame, and make train trips to SF.
I was given the standard cautionary rules by many, but I have to say that in all that commuting, I never felt threatened even once. Normal folks commuted by bus too. However, there were also quite a few who we were "challenged" in various ways, but still had regular jobs at cafes and such. Since my commute schedule was fixed, I became familiar with them and realized that though there wasn't much conversation going on, the regulars were all familiar with each other.
On one occasion, one guy sat next to me and poured his heart out about how his girl friend ditched him years ago and how upset he's been over it for many years. Then, when a stop came, he wordlessly walked out the door and held it open for one of the regulars. This lady had her eyes to the floor the whole time and after she'd got down, said "bye" to him. He returned a "take care", came back to his seat and resumed his story with me.
I admit I was somewhat uneasy on the bus commutes initially, but this incident totally changed me. Actually, I'd never seen this quality of spontaneous kindness among "normal" folks during my stay there .. and was humbled greatly myself.
I always recall this incident (and all those commutes) fondly. I now think most "normal" city folks who curse each other on every misstep, cant tolerate a couple of seconds delay on the road, who never seem to get a thought to extend themselves out of their pitifully small and limited bodies to someone else; as the folks who are "challenged".
So, coming back on topic, at least start a conversation with the regulars on your commutes.
Since 6 weeks now I'm saying Hello ("Bonjour", since I'm in Quebec) to at least one
stranger every day. During the first days it was really difficult for me to break the ice,
and it sometimes felt awkward and eventually (after
1-2 weeks) it became a second nature. I smile all the time when I'm outside and
look at people more easily, in order to ease a non-awkward "Bonjour".
I still have some people ignoring me or just mutter a barely recognizable
response and avoiding me, but it feels good every time I'm done for the day (having saluted 1 person).
It's an efficient habit to overcome shyness I think. My next goal: starting a
conversation with at least one stranger everyday.
And like the article says, it kind of forces me (the smiling, eye contact, etc)
to not just look happy but actually feel happier. And just overcoming the fear
of talking to strangers is liberating.
It seems to me that it would be difficult talking with strangers on public transport considering most people have smart phones. I've noticed this with younger people. Some cannot sit down for more than, say, 10 minutes without having to look at their phone.
My rank of unpleasantness:
1. Being conversed to badly.
2. Being around people who ignore you.
3. Being conversed to pleasantly.
4. Not being around people that might potentially converse to you badly.
The trouble with this research is that it compared being around people who ignore you with being around people with positive interaction (that turned out almost always ok).
It didn't compare being around people who ignore you and being around people that converse with you pleasantly with not being around people.
Also it failed to take into account how slightly pleasant interactions tend to fade away, but unpleasant interaction tends to burn a scar in ones memory that can hurt for years.
I suspect this would only work with men. I'm told that for women, every interaction with a random stranger could be the start of a physical assault. Then again, the author of the article is named Elizabeth, so I'm kinda confused.
"The benefits of connecting with others also turn out to be contagious. Dr. Epley and Ms. Schroeder found that when one person took the initiative to speak to another in a waiting room, both people reported having a more positive experience. Far from annoying people by violating their personal bubbles, reaching out to strangers may improve their day, too."
This seems to ignore the fact that some people are more introverted than extroverted (meaning how people "recharge" -- either via "alone time" or by talking to others, respectively). I am more introvert than extrovert, and when I've worked at jobs where I've commuted back and forth, I loved the alone time I had on the bus or train to and from work -- it really helped me regain some mental energy before and after work. If someone started talking to me it would just drain that away, and I'd much rather save that energy for coworkers or loved ones.
[+] [-] hawkharris|12 years ago|reply
Being a journalism student in the South at the time, I thought, "Hey, that sounds like a fun experiment." A group of friends and I started an informal club called Map Dart. The premise was to toss a dart at a map, travel to wherever it landed and talk to strangers in the city or town to capture their stories.
We received a lot of negative feedback from people who weren't interested in journalism. Mostly, they seemed to predisposed to think that the strangers in rural Georgia and northern Florida would shoe us away from their properties. Some even joked that we would be shot.
The truth was something much different. Sure, the trips were initially awkward. We would arrive at a small-town diner, look around, sigh and think, "Okay, who's going to break the ice..." But once we got talking, the strangers were always welcoming. The owners of a tobacco farm and a turpentine factory even showed us around their properties. [1]
For me, the experiences of MapDart validate the research in this story. The unpleasantness of interacting with strangers almost always has to do with that initial "ice breaking" moment. It's relatively smooth sailing once the ice is broken.
[0] http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/413/g... [1] http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/the-secret-to-growing-older/
[+] [-] chadillac|12 years ago|reply
If you haven't already read Dale Carnigie's "How to win friends and influence people" that book literally changed the way I communicate with people.
[+] [-] hadoukenio|12 years ago|reply
Australia's SBS television station had a show called Front Up which did exactly this. They would randomly walk through the streets, stop and interview people. Random people, fantastic stories:
[+] [-] graeme|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jkimmel|12 years ago|reply
[1] - http://www.humansofnewyork.com/ [2] - http://portraitsofboston.com/ [3] - http://facesoforlando.tumblr.com/
[+] [-] snorkel|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] facepalm|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] leorocky|12 years ago|reply
Why? I'm just not friendly. I don't enjoy talking. It's filled with social anxiety and if I want to stop talking I can't just stop. I can't just say "you know what I don't want to talk anymore" and then look away in the middle of a conversation. I don't want to spend 20 minutes or half the day wondering how I came across in the conversation. I definitely don't want my time dictated by others. I had a friend actually get mad at me when I said I would ignore someone who struck a conversation with me on BART, he felt I was obligated to respond to not make that person feel shitty, but maybe that person should just have noticed that my body language is all about being left the fuck alone.
[+] [-] azatris|12 years ago|reply
My experience was different. Random people started conversations with me, including a coy girl on the shinkansen, even though her English was as good as my non-existant Japanese. I'm pretty sure it depends on how inviting you look for conversations. I mostly had a dumb smile on throughout my trip, so I guess they liked that.
[+] [-] scott_karana|12 years ago|reply
I believe the article was more referring to people falling into activities as an icebreaker avoidance behaviour than as a legitimate need to concentrate. :-)
[+] [-] Cthulhu_|12 years ago|reply
see also: Extrovert Ideal.
[+] [-] waynecochran|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] smokeyj|12 years ago|reply
Maybe the problem isn't with other people.
[+] [-] gradstudent|12 years ago|reply
I would personally find it really awkward and unpleasant if every time I got on a train or bus some random tried to engage me in conversation. Just leave me alone so I can enjoy being by myself!
[+] [-] wpietri|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Panoramix|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|12 years ago|reply
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[+] [-] throwqsd222|12 years ago|reply
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[+] [-] _delirium|12 years ago|reply
The article says that those are "commuter norms" in Chicago also, but my own experience is that Americans are much more likely to strike up a conversation in public, even at places like a bus stop or in a grocery check-out line, which would be considered very weird in Denmark or (especially) Finland. When I lived in Santa Cruz, California, on the other hand, it was seen as a bit weird not to at least exchange a little small-talk in some of those situations.
[+] [-] jvrossb|12 years ago|reply
That being said when I was in Copenhagen I did notice that this openness didn't seem to be nearly as present amongst the Swedes who came over from Malmö. Come to think of it during my travels in Denmark and Iceland the only time Finns or Swedes ever struck up conversation with me was when they were drunk.
[+] [-] vidarh|12 years ago|reply
In a way, striking up a conversation with strangers in Northern Europe is easier than in the US, as nobody expects it. "Everyone" will wait to hear you out. No matter how awkward and nervous you sound, people will tend to lap up the attention, because it is so rare.
I'm quite introvert, and a few years ago I decided that I was isolating myself too much, and decided to make some very basic changes. For starters, I decided to greet people as much as possible, and to aim to get eye contact. Not with every random stranger, but e.g. cashiers in a shop; bus drivers etc. or other situations where there was "natural" contact.
What I didn't expect was the outcome: Within a couple of weeks, the cashiers at the shop I used to buy my lunch in were pouring out their life stories to me, after I'd been going there for months without even recognising any of their faces before. If there was a queue, they'd rush past me and motion me to their till and open it. One of the bus drivers that had been on my route for years without me ever recognising him, approached me when he suddenly recognised me at the gym, and we now chat whenever we see each other.
I've since occasionally chatted up total strangers in the street too, and the worst reaction I've ever had was a single time when a girl just kept walking and told me "not interested".
Frankly, a bar is a far more brutal environment. For anyone that fear rejection that wants to talk to strangers, random passers-by on the street will be far easier than a bar or a club even in Northern Europe.
I think the mindset both in the Nordic countries - I'm Norwegian - and England where I'm now, is that other people will think I'm weird if I talk to them, while at the same time because of that, people see it almost as a compliment if they're approached by people that show a genuine interest in them (e.g. in London my experience is that you'll get a positive response from pretty much any random stranger on the street unless you come across as representing a charity; in England there's a word for people collecting for charities on the street: chugger - a contraction of "charity" and "mugger").
[+] [-] namenotrequired|12 years ago|reply
I'm in luck that my commute - both to university and work - includes the train from the Amsterdam airport to the central station, so I'm among tourists all the time there. It generally does seem easier to strike up a conversation with them. But I wonder if that's because they're from a different culture, or just because they're on holiday rather than on their daily commute.
[+] [-] chaired|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] gavinflud|12 years ago|reply
This social experiment is very interesting, but the results would probably be very different depending on what country you're in.
[+] [-] dan_bk|12 years ago|reply
Sure, it does - cultures vary.
The thing is this:
"Culture" expresses the maturity of our species. And maturity is an ongoing and never-ending process. Which means: you can/shoud always be asking "what must still be improved?" (on a personal and then societal level).
Every culture contains (sometimes very) unhealthy elements. And it's our job to root those out.
Behavioral norms promoting social isolation is one of those immature elements of certain cultures.
[+] [-] petercooper|12 years ago|reply
1. Americans are so quick to give up their name whereas there are people I've "known" (as in, I can have a conversation with them and we know who each other is) here in the UK for years and I do not know their names (e.g. people at the corner store, people at user groups). This is not unusual either.
2. Talking in elevators. This rarely happens in the UK but I'd say 50% of the time I'm in a hotel elevator in the US, people say "hi", "good morning" or even try to start a conversation. While I find this unsettling at first, I usually coming away from it thinking it's cute.
[+] [-] ghshephard|12 years ago|reply
What's weird about this, is if you had asked me while I was in Canada, I would have said there is somewhat of a convention of social distancing - but, there is clearly a spectrum.
[+] [-] lnanek2|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dtf|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] kijin|12 years ago|reply
Explanation 1: Either there are more extraverts than introverts in Chicago, or more extraverts volunteered to participate in the experiment (selection bias).
Explanation 2: When it comes to deriving pleasure from short, shallow interaction with a random stranger, there's not much difference between extraverts and introverts. Hell, I'm officially diagnosed with Asperger's and I still enjoy those quick interactions. I just happen to be not very good at it.
As the article itself suggests:
But there's one thing that the article fails to mention.As an autistic introvert, I'm still capable of deriving pleasure from talking with strangers from time to time, but the need to put on a happy face and consciously maintain it also puts a great strain on me. Too much mask-wearing makes me exhausted. At the end of the day, I no longer even have the energy to conjure up a passable mask, so I return to my usual cranky self. In other words, the momentary burst of happiness has a significant energy cost, and the ROI for introverts may be much lower (or even negative) than it is for extraverts.
[+] [-] Tenoke|12 years ago|reply
And yeah, of course the extroverts would feel happier when talking to people, while those who wouldn't feel so rarely even participate in the study [if my suspicion is right].
[+] [-] sopooneo|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] arjie|12 years ago|reply
This happens often enough if you read because people often remark on the book you're reading. It's okay to then have a short conversation that starts off from that so long as it's occasional.
If every single time I got on the train someone wanted to talk to me, I might wear sunglasses and plug earphones in.
[+] [-] graeme|12 years ago|reply
I highly recommend trying it. Lots of smiles on both sides.
[+] [-] Lambent_Cactus|12 years ago|reply
What about the passengers they accosted? The no talking norm on public transit isn't meant to protect the shy from having to initiate conversations, since that's easy not to do. It's to protect people from strangers who want to but in. I'm sure every loudmouth who tried to strike up a conversation seated next to me on an airplane thought it was a fine idea, but I would have been happier to be left alone.
[+] [-] rando289|12 years ago|reply
Speaking to a stranger != accosting. Welcome to the internet, where you can be bold enough to bash well meaning strangers who spoke to you, yet not bold enough in real life to simply decline a conversation.
[+] [-] jacquesgt|12 years ago|reply
"The benefits of connecting with others also turn out to be contagious. Dr. Epley and Ms. Schroeder found that when one person took the initiative to speak to another in a waiting room, both people reported having a more positive experience. Far from annoying people by violating their personal bubbles, reaching out to strangers may improve their day, too."
[+] [-] Tiktaalik|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] collyw|12 years ago|reply
Though I did think something similar reading these comments. Living in a city with lots of people it is rare to interact. As soon as you leave the city, and do some outdoor stuff, hiking / mountain biking / kayak, its normal to speak to stranger, and kind of rude if you don't even acknowledge them.
[+] [-] noisy_boy|12 years ago|reply
If you ever get the chance to travel Indian railways, say, in a non-airconditioned class (which is cheaper and hence has more "average" people), you will inevitably end up chatting about politics (typically with the older generation), railway route trivia (I seriously don't know why that is SO interesting to my dad's generation), movies/cricket and everything else under the sun.
And if you are a foreigner, god help you. By the time you disembark, you'll have a group of 5-6 people who just digged your life history including how much money you make, out of you.
Except shitty toilets (no pun intended) and general hygiene issues, it is a very interesting way to travel.
[+] [-] icco|12 years ago|reply
My biggest breakthrough was realizing in college, that I could go to a coffee shop and order a cup of coffee and talk to the cashier, and they were usually very friendly. So, now when anyone is serving or helping me (waitress, barista, security guard, guy who empties the trash cans, whatever) I say hi and ask "how's it going". It's not a deep interaction, and it's not huge, but considering the number of days I used to go without saying anything to anyone, it's a nice improvement.
[+] [-] aufreak3|12 years ago|reply
I was given the standard cautionary rules by many, but I have to say that in all that commuting, I never felt threatened even once. Normal folks commuted by bus too. However, there were also quite a few who we were "challenged" in various ways, but still had regular jobs at cafes and such. Since my commute schedule was fixed, I became familiar with them and realized that though there wasn't much conversation going on, the regulars were all familiar with each other.
On one occasion, one guy sat next to me and poured his heart out about how his girl friend ditched him years ago and how upset he's been over it for many years. Then, when a stop came, he wordlessly walked out the door and held it open for one of the regulars. This lady had her eyes to the floor the whole time and after she'd got down, said "bye" to him. He returned a "take care", came back to his seat and resumed his story with me.
I admit I was somewhat uneasy on the bus commutes initially, but this incident totally changed me. Actually, I'd never seen this quality of spontaneous kindness among "normal" folks during my stay there .. and was humbled greatly myself.
I always recall this incident (and all those commutes) fondly. I now think most "normal" city folks who curse each other on every misstep, cant tolerate a couple of seconds delay on the road, who never seem to get a thought to extend themselves out of their pitifully small and limited bodies to someone else; as the folks who are "challenged".
So, coming back on topic, at least start a conversation with the regulars on your commutes.
[+] [-] juliend2|12 years ago|reply
It's an efficient habit to overcome shyness I think. My next goal: starting a conversation with at least one stranger everyday.
And like the article says, it kind of forces me (the smiling, eye contact, etc) to not just look happy but actually feel happier. And just overcoming the fear of talking to strangers is liberating.
[+] [-] mkhattab|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] scotty79|12 years ago|reply
The trouble with this research is that it compared being around people who ignore you with being around people with positive interaction (that turned out almost always ok).
It didn't compare being around people who ignore you and being around people that converse with you pleasantly with not being around people.
Also it failed to take into account how slightly pleasant interactions tend to fade away, but unpleasant interaction tends to burn a scar in ones memory that can hurt for years.
[+] [-] afarrell|12 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jackmaney|12 years ago|reply
And what about the people who had conversation thrust upon them by a stranger during the train ride?
[+] [-] avalaunch|12 years ago|reply
"The benefits of connecting with others also turn out to be contagious. Dr. Epley and Ms. Schroeder found that when one person took the initiative to speak to another in a waiting room, both people reported having a more positive experience. Far from annoying people by violating their personal bubbles, reaching out to strangers may improve their day, too."
[+] [-] jordanlev|12 years ago|reply