I have 3 kids and about to have one more in a month... people in the tech world act like its so amazing and different... get over it... no matter if you work in retail or work in a shitty work/life balance startup, its the same thing...
Just be thankful we make a bit more then most in the workforce...
I agree it's not more amazing than someone working anywhere else, but startups are often seen as non-sense as you need to work 80 hours a week to get shit done, we were trying to break that a bit and just tell "hey, it's possible, it's not that hard actually!" :)
I think there's a big difference. In the tech world, there's this expectation that sometimes you're going to pull all-nighters or work 14 hour days or do sprints or whatever.
If you're working at the mall selling clothing that's pretty unlikely. In my former life in publishing, that was pretty unusual.
It's a cultural thing and it's not strictly relegated to tech, but it's not universal. Plenty of people have reliable 9-5 jobs, Monday-Friday. That's a lot easier to reconcile with parenthood than when there's a huge release sprint and they expect you to work from 9 a.m. Friday to 9 a.m. Sunday or whatever.
I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now has an 8-month old:
Those first few months are brutal. Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it, there was a period wherein I felt like the two are completely incompatible (being a parent and working at a startup).
The last month or so has been a massive reprieve - granted, I'm at a spot now I'd not have envied a year ago, but compared to operating on 4 hours of sleep a day for months, I'll take it.
The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.
> The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.
I'll agree with this. Parenting, work, hobbies: pick 2.
> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10 hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks. Like hoping to, at least.
Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night. My dad once told me that, between my brother and I, he'd wake up in the middle of the night to check up on a kid for the better part of 10 years.
My 9 month old son has 45min sleep cycles during the day so that doesn't leave much time to code after washing and sterilising his bottles and grabbing a quick bite myself! He doesn't always sleep into the next cycle by himself so I have to be by his crib to pat him and thats where my new workstation is lol!
But honestly I think being a self employed developer is the best option if you want to really help out with the upbringing of your kids and avoid getting a nanny.
I suppose one of the most relevant things as a geek with a new baby is that it's _very_ hard to be an introvert with a new family. It takes a lot of work and co-operation to find the time to be alone and recharge. Obviously it's really hard being on call 24 hours whoever you are, but I'd love to hear how other introverts managed once kids arrived!
Hey man thanks for this post and sharing your story... as a father of 3(soon 4) people always are like "oh you have kids???" and think that it is almost always negative...
In the end, we always have to do what we have to do for our kids and whether you are in retail or in a startup its always gonna be hard... but you and I seem to be brave enough to take on that task...
It will be hard but it will also be alot of fun...
I don't have a question, but I wanted to say that you're very right to guard your time with your family. For at least the first year of my son's life, I can't count how many times I'd come home from work and I could see a difference in him compared to the day before. Maybe not even something I could quite put my finger on, but I could just tell there was something different about him. They change and learn so quickly that you could miss a lot in only a few days, let alone weeks or months.
We moved, I started working with a new startup, and we had a baby, all since January. She's four months old now, and I smiled reading this.
I've decided that the single biggest thing to aim for as a new parent is to be flexible. People will tell you all sorts of things, and you'll have all sorts of ideas about how things will go, but in the end being flexible and willing to try new things is key.
I hate this children-centrific notion that modern world puts on us. Makes me be wary of having kids.
When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for communication these days.
So naturally I don't understand why everybody is expected to drive children around and watch them constantly.
Of course this doesn't apply to very small children who I'm in totall loss how to handle.
[+] [-] delmarc|11 years ago|reply
Just be thankful we make a bit more then most in the workforce...
[+] [-] jipiboily|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] nkozyra|11 years ago|reply
If you're working at the mall selling clothing that's pretty unlikely. In my former life in publishing, that was pretty unusual.
It's a cultural thing and it's not strictly relegated to tech, but it's not universal. Plenty of people have reliable 9-5 jobs, Monday-Friday. That's a lot easier to reconcile with parenthood than when there's a huge release sprint and they expect you to work from 9 a.m. Friday to 9 a.m. Sunday or whatever.
[+] [-] unknown|11 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] nkozyra|11 years ago|reply
Those first few months are brutal. Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it, there was a period wherein I felt like the two are completely incompatible (being a parent and working at a startup).
The last month or so has been a massive reprieve - granted, I'm at a spot now I'd not have envied a year ago, but compared to operating on 4 hours of sleep a day for months, I'll take it.
The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.
[+] [-] rayiner|11 years ago|reply
I'll agree with this. Parenting, work, hobbies: pick 2.
[+] [-] nkozyra|11 years ago|reply
Which - I swear - is what I'll tell my wife the next time I say "I've gotta finish this" and she starts humming Cats in the Cradle softly.
[+] [-] rayiner|11 years ago|reply
Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night. My dad once told me that, between my brother and I, he'd wake up in the middle of the night to check up on a kid for the better part of 10 years.
[+] [-] jipiboily|11 years ago|reply
Good "luck"! Apparently the first 20 years are the worst...hehe ;)
[+] [-] guard-of-terra|11 years ago|reply
I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.
[+] [-] wilsonfiifi|11 years ago|reply
But honestly I think being a self employed developer is the best option if you want to really help out with the upbringing of your kids and avoid getting a nanny.
[+] [-] thom|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jipiboily|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] delmarc|11 years ago|reply
In the end, we always have to do what we have to do for our kids and whether you are in retail or in a startup its always gonna be hard... but you and I seem to be brave enough to take on that task...
It will be hard but it will also be alot of fun...
[+] [-] usefulcat|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] lygaret|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] gdubs|11 years ago|reply
I've decided that the single biggest thing to aim for as a new parent is to be flexible. People will tell you all sorts of things, and you'll have all sorts of ideas about how things will go, but in the end being flexible and willing to try new things is key.
[+] [-] pzaich|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jipiboily|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] rikkus|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] guard-of-terra|11 years ago|reply
When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for communication these days.
So naturally I don't understand why everybody is expected to drive children around and watch them constantly.
Of course this doesn't apply to very small children who I'm in totall loss how to handle.
[+] [-] unknown|11 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] tdicola|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|11 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] jipiboily|11 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jcromartie|11 years ago|reply