I think this article roots to the kids narcissism - just because you have an high IQ, does not mean you will become somewhat more important, more powerful or more successful than "Joe the plumber". Let me ask you this: Was Godel happy? Was Alan Turing happy? Even though they both were brilliant and had academic success, still - their personal lives was pretty much a sad state of affairs, and depression characterized their lives. Brilliance and success is not happiness. You are 20 (!) - I was around 25 before I found my academic passion, which by that gave me a inner calm. I wish you the best of luck. But to expect every piece to fall at place at the age of 20 is plain naive, actually a bit provoking. In addition to the large tasks here in life (like education and career) the small enjoyments like coffee in the morning, listening to the birds, getting a proper workout - is what keeps you smiling, or at least, it's what makes my day swell.
Well, "Joe The Plummer" wasn't a plummer and wasn't named Joe but he was still more successful as a media sensation than this kid has been so far.
Still, I think you put a finger on the Kid's narcissism. But consider, we're getting closer to a society where being well-thought-of in High School really seems like as good a guide for your chances of becoming a billionaire as anything.
I mean, Sara Palin resigns as governor of Alaska because being a manager is kind-of a hassle but still seems to be taken seriously as a potential president. Now it's starting to make sense...
I honestly thought this was terrible advice. The problem this kid has is everyone has praised him seemingly since birth and so he thinks everything is simple. The mere fact that one teacher saying his dream was silly could throw his life into chaos shows he's underprepared for the world.
In fact, the only reason he seems to feel lost is because he doesn't stick with anything beyond the initial thrill.
Rather than narcissisticly wandering the world and becoming even further ingrained in this "do what's easy" philosophy I say jump into the real world. Join a startup and realize the joy of working against insurmoutable odds. Where not only do people call your dream silly but a lot of them won't even meet with you to hear you out.
Then he'll get enough backbone to pursue his own dreams
Why not do what's easy? It's a lot more fun, and as you do it you learn. Never assume that just because you're drifting through life you're not growing as a person. I find that I learn and progress just as much in my idle states in life as I do at those critical moments that throw everything in relief.
I also think it's very, very bad advice to tell somebody to follow a dream that they don't entirely understand. I've had both: Dreams where I only vaguely felt I wanted something, and dreams I couldn't help but pursue because I understood them so completely. The latter dream is valuable and absolutely worth pursuing. The former dream isn't really a dream at all, and pushing too hard at it will only make you feel that maybe dreams aren't worth following after all. Following the wrong kind of dream will burn you out in the worst way.
The majority of startups also don't stick with anything beyond the initial thrill. That's something you have to learn for yourself: no external organization is going to hand it to you.
When I started actually completing projects (and I was older than this guy is), it was largely because I'd tried a bunch of things in superficial depth and found that they weren't all that satisfying. I bounced from a physics major to philosophy to sociology back to physics and finally ended up with a CS degree. I tried out orchestra and guitar and bass and taiko and sailing and fanfiction and sci-fi/fantasy and programming as hobbies. I "learned" dozens of programming languages by website & academic paper before actually settling down to write some code. I needed that experience to figure out for myself what I really considered important and was willing to put the time into learning well.
I disagree that there's a specific reason for his feeling lost; this is probably due to still feeling some of that myself (I'm nearly 25), though.
That said, I joined a startup as his age. Younger, actually - I was 18. It was a good experience in that I learned a great deal of technical knowledge very quickly and it laid the path for the career that I've formed since then, but it's not a remedy for a spiritual problem.
I'll qualify my experience to say that the first startup I worked at was not a good company; our president was arguably a snake-oil salesman in a lot of ways, and myself/the other engineers often worked 'deathmarches' leading to a moment where I was literally told during a doctor's appointment that I would have a heart attack before I could legally drink if I didn't find a new job.
I don't regret the job, overall; I learned a lot professionally and personally, and the next startup was far more successful. I do regret not wandering a little more, though, and he should take this opportunity.
What good are video games? Since I also always wanted to create them (and still haven't created a great one, just small ones): for me I think they are part of a greater quest against loneliness. Sure, creating a vaccine would be nice, but loneliness is also a killer (I don't have numbers, but it is not only suicides - also older people who just die when their spouses die and so on). Maybe they are not for everyone, but games were important for me in certain stages of my life - they helped provide save havens in times of emotional turmoil, they helped to get together and connect with people, and so on.
Maybe games are not the best cure against loneliness, or the only one. Maybe I should have just become a therapist. On the other hand, maybe one day my game will help some other scientist over a depression and enable him to finish working on that vaccine.
I don't subscribe to the notion that only vaccines are "really important" - even stupid things like fashion play a part in the bigger picture. Ultimately, one has to ask what are we living for. Sure, somebody has to create those vaccines to enable us to live on, but working on the question on what to live for matters, too - otherwise, why not just die.
Video games fill the role that any art does. They help us find ourselves and fill us with a static strength that we can't get from people, who are constantly changing as fast as we are.
I've actually always had the opposite reaction as that teacher in the article. I've never felt interested in science or technological process. It fascinates me, but I shudder at the thought of spending my life dedicated to it. I want messier things to spend my life achieving. But then, I also identify a lot with the person that wrote this, though I don't feel as beaten as he does, so this might not be a particularly unique perspective on the matter.
I think the real question is who is someone to suggest that X is more "worthy" than Y? Without the benefit of hindsight and ability to see all the possibilities with and without X and Y there is no evidence behind the statement.
Welcome to your life. You are the latest man in a chain many thousands of years long to wake from his deep sleep and discover that he is incomplete without a purpose.
First, the bad news: the pain won't go away by itself. It will get worse, like a constant implosion dissolving your heart from within. During sex and danger the pain may abate - and then come back, strong as before. Be warned, though; ignored for too long, the pain can numb. Then your purpose has abandoned you, and you are lost.
The good news: if you find your purpose and live it, the pain will go away. As I said, you are the latest inheritor of this burden - many have walked this road before you. They have left you way markers - the world's great spiritual traditions - to help you find your path.
You must open yourself profoundly to the world around you. Find a teacher, meditate deeply, question incessantly. Test yourself at every opportunity. Find your true purpose, and give yourself completely. Do so, and you may be enlightened, suffused with joy at the wonders that have always surrounded you. Fail, and die an anonymous end to a vacant life.
To quote the famous (unfortunately hoax) Vonnegut speech:
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
The title of this thread and your post almost replicated the lyrics to Counting Crows' song, All My Friends (which is one of my favorite songs). Oh, HN.
I was above average intelligence in a school with a slightly below average age group. As a result I stood intellectually taller than my peers and breezed through.
I was brought up with my parents doting on me telling me I was brilliant and destined to great things.
As a result I was a little shit at 18.
It was university that brought me crashing down, gave me social skills, got me laid and focused my education. But that was only by luck (I changed course at the last minute - my original choice would have been easy as school).
However it never found me a purpose or passion (beyond an enjoyment of "hacking" and programming). I left university a much nicer person but just as lost.
Now it's only 18 months later but I have a real serious career and a passion and am doing pretty good. Again that was total luck.
Sounds like this guy is just getting to the "lost" section; don't worry it will figure itself out. It might take a couple of years (I know a guy who it took till about 31 to really sort out what he wanted). But the fact he is asking means he is on the right path.
Best advice I believe you can give people like that is dont think too far ahead - I still want to be a millionaire playboy at 30 with 10's of businesses behind me. But thankfully now I know that is just a dream to help drive me to whatever success I do end up with. It might well be as good as that - probably not. But hell, ill bumble along ok regardless :)
Or in summary: this shit generally works itself out so long as you work hard on the moment in hand.
EDIT: I see a few people trashing the armed forces option. I couldn't disagree more. If you make the decision in the right way and understand what your signing up too it could be a great experience. No need to worry about your ling term future for the moment :)
Cary should have saved his time and just said "join the navy". I'm not advocating military service. But if this student doesn't want to stay where he is, doesn't know what he wants to do and doesn't have the means to relocate, it's probably the most stable situation to let him think about his/her own future.
Just saying...
3 years on a boat or sub and he'll know EXACTLY what he wants to do (and will have a lot more means to act upon it).
The disaster of that plan is you may very well figure it out 3 months in, and then have a multi-year effectively prison sentence to serve out.
I have deep respect for those who do serve. I just don't think that recommending it as some kind of default "until you figure it out" is remotely a good idea.
Sounds like typical depression setting in, something he's probably unaware that he's been fighting for years. Sometimes your problems aren't new and unique (no matter how 'brilliant' you are), and it can benefit you to reach out to people whom you may not think can help you at first.
Is that really depression? I think that what a lot of us confuse for depression is really contentment. This guy is happy to live his life as it is, but for the worry that he ought to have a drive.
Sounds more like existential thinking to me. I don't consider that directly related to depression. I have often felt the same way he does in not really knowing what to do with my life, wondering about the meaning of life, etc. I think that's just the human experience rather than depression.
There's a lot of research available now in education that says that positive reinforcement works, but not when it's talking about intelligence.
For example, students are much better off when you say, "you worked so hard on that project, it really shows that you cared about what you were doing" as opposed to "your project was great, you are so smart".
Children understand the difference between hard work and smarts (where smarts are natural ability and hard work is a virtue).
Later in life those students that were positively reinforced for working hard are better off than those that were simply told they were smart. Which is a nice reference to what it takes to be a startup founder (smarts are great, but only when paired with strong work ethic. However a strong work ethic and tenacity could overcome a natural gap in ability).
This happened to me (although I was not brilliant). My social awareness (or whatever you might want to call it) only developed when I started university, and it made me look at what I was studying with disgust. Having said that, I think the advice given by Salon sucks. There is no "finding yourself" this is bullshit, there is only "making yourself". You have to choose and you have to throw yourself after your choices, there is no way to think yourself into life.
I always liked this Baudrillard quote: "The modern ideal is to make your life what you want it to be. In reality, that is what you do when there's no other solution."
There's a crisis brewing every quarter year of your life, if you let them be your crisis.
There are some crisis that need intervention and help but whatever happened to a simple kick on the butt to move ahead and go do something useful?
When asked them what they want to become, a number of nerdy boys I know (cousins, nephews, etc.) have answered "I want to make video games!". Knowing that it is a competitive subfield of an already-competitive IT industry, I always encouraged them to look for alternatives.
The guy should get a physical. He may have low thyroid, anemia, etc. The cure may be as simple as taking an iron tablet occasionally.
I think one can't say to himself he is brilliant, this is so dangerous.
My father tells me how much surprised it is when he sees back their school mates,now that he is retired, they expected the brilliant people in class to success.
This is what really happened:
The brilliant people(3 hipersmart guys) took a normal job and lived a normal live. People that had enormous problems in school, became presidents of big companies, made their own restaurants chains,got political power, became famous as scientific researchers...
Wow: Nobody would have expected that!!
I think those brilliant people were very good at learning and memorizing when the answer is known, but not so good facing risk and failure, fighting against unknown.
PS: There was a time I got 10 over 10 score in some exams like math when a lot of people didn't pass. I felt great(and superior) about being considered intelligent, but at the same I felt frightened about losing my position, so I stooped asking stupid questions (what would they think about me).
Later I discovered I love asking stupid questions, and I love testing new things, often it goes bad, so I felt liberated making enough grades and not being ultrasmart, but feeling this stupid man can kick some smart asses if I work hard.
Given society's strict schedule for youth, the timing of getting lost is key. Around college graduation time is a great time to get lost. Your drive has carried you through 17 years of education and you are free to find yourself at that point. Getting lost in junior high, like I did, is just bad timing. High School and college become a holding pattern in which you get lazier and lazier. Luckily it doesn't last forever.
This guy writes a weekly-ish advice column for Salon. I'm not usually an advice column reader (nor a salon one), but the dude has a way with words and interesting perspective (ex-rocker alcoholic turned writer recovering addict)
Having gone through a similar phase recently, I can relate a lot to this guy. In my case, I was just plain lazy and irresponsible. For me, sitting about and wondering about 'the purpose' was a way of justifying not working in my grad courses.
How many people really do manage to find their purpose in life? I would take SamAtt's insurmountable odds and extend them to every second of life. In all the moments that you have till death, you can do so many things, sitting and moping should just feel wrong. (I wish I followed my own advice.)
I don't know the guy, but I feel such thoughts arise from an easy-going and leisurely life. People growing up with uncertain futures and/or troubled circumstances/times (in the so-called Third World) seem to be much clearer about what to do. Making meaning of your life is much easier when you have a hungry family to feed back home. You can't be bothered about your 'true calling' then.
I don't know which case is better for an individual's peace of mind. Being more aware of one's mortality can help, perhaps.
It would seem to me this young man has already set the gears into motion by knowing he doesn't have the answers and by making an effort to question his life. Many of the responses in here speak so matter-of-fact-ly that one person's opinion is right or wrong, but the truth is, no one knows the secrets behind what makes for a good life.
Life happens and it's all about how to take it in. Be it thrusting yourself into hard, difficult situations or taking it easy to learn and enjoy the subtle nuances of life. There is a particular equifinality in life where the same solution can be derived through different approaches. No one here is in the right or the wrong.
My personal opinion is that "getting lost" is less the solution, but rather the gentleman should "stay open," if you will. Wandering is merely one action that tends to incur openness, but it may or may not be the correct approach for any one person in particular. Learning to appreciate life is what he's learning "the hard way" currently and I would venture to say he'll experience that 'click' in his head sooner than his doomsday-ridden mind is anticipating.
Realizing how fortunate we all are to be here in this cultivated "world" of intellectualism--of the attitude we all have developed through our own stories similar to this boy's--discussing the merits of self-realization (who I am) the requisites of self-actualization (what I can do) is what is important here. It's quite the privilege.
[+] [-] morphir|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] joe_the_user|16 years ago|reply
Still, I think you put a finger on the Kid's narcissism. But consider, we're getting closer to a society where being well-thought-of in High School really seems like as good a guide for your chances of becoming a billionaire as anything.
I mean, Sara Palin resigns as governor of Alaska because being a manager is kind-of a hassle but still seems to be taken seriously as a potential president. Now it's starting to make sense...
[+] [-] SamAtt|16 years ago|reply
In fact, the only reason he seems to feel lost is because he doesn't stick with anything beyond the initial thrill.
Rather than narcissisticly wandering the world and becoming even further ingrained in this "do what's easy" philosophy I say jump into the real world. Join a startup and realize the joy of working against insurmoutable odds. Where not only do people call your dream silly but a lot of them won't even meet with you to hear you out.
Then he'll get enough backbone to pursue his own dreams
[+] [-] unalone|16 years ago|reply
I also think it's very, very bad advice to tell somebody to follow a dream that they don't entirely understand. I've had both: Dreams where I only vaguely felt I wanted something, and dreams I couldn't help but pursue because I understood them so completely. The latter dream is valuable and absolutely worth pursuing. The former dream isn't really a dream at all, and pushing too hard at it will only make you feel that maybe dreams aren't worth following after all. Following the wrong kind of dream will burn you out in the worst way.
[+] [-] nostrademons|16 years ago|reply
When I started actually completing projects (and I was older than this guy is), it was largely because I'd tried a bunch of things in superficial depth and found that they weren't all that satisfying. I bounced from a physics major to philosophy to sociology back to physics and finally ended up with a CS degree. I tried out orchestra and guitar and bass and taiko and sailing and fanfiction and sci-fi/fantasy and programming as hobbies. I "learned" dozens of programming languages by website & academic paper before actually settling down to write some code. I needed that experience to figure out for myself what I really considered important and was willing to put the time into learning well.
[+] [-] caffeine|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] akl|16 years ago|reply
That said, I joined a startup as his age. Younger, actually - I was 18. It was a good experience in that I learned a great deal of technical knowledge very quickly and it laid the path for the career that I've formed since then, but it's not a remedy for a spiritual problem.
I'll qualify my experience to say that the first startup I worked at was not a good company; our president was arguably a snake-oil salesman in a lot of ways, and myself/the other engineers often worked 'deathmarches' leading to a moment where I was literally told during a doctor's appointment that I would have a heart attack before I could legally drink if I didn't find a new job.
I don't regret the job, overall; I learned a lot professionally and personally, and the next startup was far more successful. I do regret not wandering a little more, though, and he should take this opportunity.
[+] [-] morphir|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Tichy|16 years ago|reply
Maybe games are not the best cure against loneliness, or the only one. Maybe I should have just become a therapist. On the other hand, maybe one day my game will help some other scientist over a depression and enable him to finish working on that vaccine.
I don't subscribe to the notion that only vaccines are "really important" - even stupid things like fashion play a part in the bigger picture. Ultimately, one has to ask what are we living for. Sure, somebody has to create those vaccines to enable us to live on, but working on the question on what to live for matters, too - otherwise, why not just die.
[+] [-] unalone|16 years ago|reply
I've actually always had the opposite reaction as that teacher in the article. I've never felt interested in science or technological process. It fascinates me, but I shudder at the thought of spending my life dedicated to it. I want messier things to spend my life achieving. But then, I also identify a lot with the person that wrote this, though I don't feel as beaten as he does, so this might not be a particularly unique perspective on the matter.
[+] [-] aswanson|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Quarrelsome|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] caffeine|16 years ago|reply
Welcome to your life. You are the latest man in a chain many thousands of years long to wake from his deep sleep and discover that he is incomplete without a purpose.
First, the bad news: the pain won't go away by itself. It will get worse, like a constant implosion dissolving your heart from within. During sex and danger the pain may abate - and then come back, strong as before. Be warned, though; ignored for too long, the pain can numb. Then your purpose has abandoned you, and you are lost.
The good news: if you find your purpose and live it, the pain will go away. As I said, you are the latest inheritor of this burden - many have walked this road before you. They have left you way markers - the world's great spiritual traditions - to help you find your path.
You must open yourself profoundly to the world around you. Find a teacher, meditate deeply, question incessantly. Test yourself at every opportunity. Find your true purpose, and give yourself completely. Do so, and you may be enlightened, suffused with joy at the wonders that have always surrounded you. Fail, and die an anonymous end to a vacant life.
Happy hunting.
[+] [-] techiferous|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jseliger|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dotcoma|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dschobel|16 years ago|reply
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
[+] [-] chasingsparks|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ErrantX|16 years ago|reply
I was brought up with my parents doting on me telling me I was brilliant and destined to great things.
As a result I was a little shit at 18.
It was university that brought me crashing down, gave me social skills, got me laid and focused my education. But that was only by luck (I changed course at the last minute - my original choice would have been easy as school).
However it never found me a purpose or passion (beyond an enjoyment of "hacking" and programming). I left university a much nicer person but just as lost.
Now it's only 18 months later but I have a real serious career and a passion and am doing pretty good. Again that was total luck.
Sounds like this guy is just getting to the "lost" section; don't worry it will figure itself out. It might take a couple of years (I know a guy who it took till about 31 to really sort out what he wanted). But the fact he is asking means he is on the right path.
Best advice I believe you can give people like that is dont think too far ahead - I still want to be a millionaire playboy at 30 with 10's of businesses behind me. But thankfully now I know that is just a dream to help drive me to whatever success I do end up with. It might well be as good as that - probably not. But hell, ill bumble along ok regardless :)
Or in summary: this shit generally works itself out so long as you work hard on the moment in hand.
EDIT: I see a few people trashing the armed forces option. I couldn't disagree more. If you make the decision in the right way and understand what your signing up too it could be a great experience. No need to worry about your ling term future for the moment :)
[+] [-] joeythibault|16 years ago|reply
Just saying...
3 years on a boat or sub and he'll know EXACTLY what he wants to do (and will have a lot more means to act upon it).
[+] [-] shpxnvz|16 years ago|reply
I think it is more likely that after three years he'll know exactly what he doesn't want to do.
[+] [-] sokoloff|16 years ago|reply
I have deep respect for those who do serve. I just don't think that recommending it as some kind of default "until you figure it out" is remotely a good idea.
[+] [-] josefresco|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unalone|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] mattmichielsen|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ax0n|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] joe_the_user|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Mongoose|16 years ago|reply
An interesting trend in those labeled remarkably intelligent is a tendency toward stymied feeling of self-worth.
[+] [-] joeythibault|16 years ago|reply
For example, students are much better off when you say, "you worked so hard on that project, it really shows that you cared about what you were doing" as opposed to "your project was great, you are so smart".
Children understand the difference between hard work and smarts (where smarts are natural ability and hard work is a virtue).
Later in life those students that were positively reinforced for working hard are better off than those that were simply told they were smart. Which is a nice reference to what it takes to be a startup founder (smarts are great, but only when paired with strong work ethic. However a strong work ethic and tenacity could overcome a natural gap in ability).
[+] [-] moldenke|16 years ago|reply
I always liked this Baudrillard quote: "The modern ideal is to make your life what you want it to be. In reality, that is what you do when there's no other solution."
[+] [-] callahad|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dschobel|16 years ago|reply
Don't most people figure out the distinction in HS?
[+] [-] joe_the_user|16 years ago|reply
This whole thread is an endless font for quip abuse, mod me down quickly so I learn my lesson...
[+] [-] heed|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] prpon|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] giardini|16 years ago|reply
The guy should get a physical. He may have low thyroid, anemia, etc. The cure may be as simple as taking an iron tablet occasionally.
[+] [-] xcombinator|16 years ago|reply
My father tells me how much surprised it is when he sees back their school mates,now that he is retired, they expected the brilliant people in class to success.
This is what really happened:
The brilliant people(3 hipersmart guys) took a normal job and lived a normal live. People that had enormous problems in school, became presidents of big companies, made their own restaurants chains,got political power, became famous as scientific researchers...
Wow: Nobody would have expected that!!
I think those brilliant people were very good at learning and memorizing when the answer is known, but not so good facing risk and failure, fighting against unknown.
PS: There was a time I got 10 over 10 score in some exams like math when a lot of people didn't pass. I felt great(and superior) about being considered intelligent, but at the same I felt frightened about losing my position, so I stooped asking stupid questions (what would they think about me).
Later I discovered I love asking stupid questions, and I love testing new things, often it goes bad, so I felt liberated making enough grades and not being ultrasmart, but feeling this stupid man can kick some smart asses if I work hard.
[+] [-] mrshoe|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] d4ft|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] nalbyuites|16 years ago|reply
[+] [-] symptic|16 years ago|reply
Life happens and it's all about how to take it in. Be it thrusting yourself into hard, difficult situations or taking it easy to learn and enjoy the subtle nuances of life. There is a particular equifinality in life where the same solution can be derived through different approaches. No one here is in the right or the wrong.
My personal opinion is that "getting lost" is less the solution, but rather the gentleman should "stay open," if you will. Wandering is merely one action that tends to incur openness, but it may or may not be the correct approach for any one person in particular. Learning to appreciate life is what he's learning "the hard way" currently and I would venture to say he'll experience that 'click' in his head sooner than his doomsday-ridden mind is anticipating.
Realizing how fortunate we all are to be here in this cultivated "world" of intellectualism--of the attitude we all have developed through our own stories similar to this boy's--discussing the merits of self-realization (who I am) the requisites of self-actualization (what I can do) is what is important here. It's quite the privilege.