[leif]

You've successfully completed steps 1 and 2:

1. Acknowledge there is a real problem.

2. Acknowledge you are part of the problem.

Now, on to steps 3-n!

3. Don't be discouraged, accept that there are things you can do to help! This is good, you're about to become a more valuable member of society.

4. Accept that you need to put in some effort. Not much, don't worry. Most of it is shutting up.

5. Read what women write about this problem. They're all experts because they've been studying it literally their entire lives.

6. Learn (from step 5 and some self-reflection) how to recognize in real time when you're being a jerk. Then stop.

Now it gets a little harder. But remember, not nearly as hard as being a woman in tech, so buck up, kid!

7. Learn (from step 5) how to recognize in real time when other people are being jerks, and good techniques for how to advocate on behalf of women. This takes practice and courage, keep at it.

8. You'll be tempted to brag about how helpful you are to women (hi @wadhwa). Resist this temptation. Whenever you feel yourself about to tell someone how great and helpful you are, instead, show them something an actual woman has said about their problems, and try to point them in the right direction.

Note that you can replace "woman/women" in the above with any minority/disenfranchised/disadvantaged group you want to help, and the same formula pretty much works verbatim.

[ElComradio]

Not that you can replace "Note that you can replace "woman/women" in the above with any minority/disenfranchised/disadvantaged group"" with "Note that you can replace woman/women with any person of any group who faces hurdles or has disadvantages"

When you can do that, you have successfully transcended the "gotta get mine!" and "shut up and give me your stuff!" subtext of most of today's egalitarian rhetoric.

[b6]

I first ran into this idea here[1] where one of the best ways to "push back against privilege" was "shut up".

[1] http://www.blackgirldangerous.org/2014/02/4-ways-push-back-p...

[leif]

you seem fun at parties

[IsaacL]

You've successfully completed steps A and B:

A. Notice that someone could improve their behaviour.

B. Notice that you could give them useful advice to improve their behaviour.

Now, on to step C!

C. Don't be a condescending dick when dispensing said advice.

[b6]

You seem certain that that you know exactly what the problem is, and exactly how to solve it, down to a list of steps. You even seem certain that a stranger on the Internet is part of the problem. Well, give me a break -- that's really presumptuous and condescending. Listening to the aggrieved seems like a good idea, but there's no guarantee that they have the answers.

[leif]

>You even seem certain that a stranger on the Internet is part of the problem

The stranger on the internet said they felt like part of the problem, so I don't really know what to tell you.

If you read between the lines a bit, I never said I had any of the answers. All I said was listen to the people that are affected, try to learn about their problems, and be empathetic, and maybe you'll find the answers.

I'm not trying to be revolutionary here, I just think one of the nice features of these types of issues is that the people being affected are actual people that you can listen to and have conversations with, and I think that's a good place to start.

[lotso]

>You even seem certain that a stranger on the Internet is part of the problem.

> I myself have been a disgusting example of a male engineer at times.