[Dewie3]

> And you demonstrate (usefully, I think) the mistake of confusing complex and/or erudite speech/vocab with arrogance.

There is nothing complex, hard to understand or erudite about "I went to MIT", "my wife is well-read" or "as a nerd being among other nerds is nice". Though I guess having studied at MIT implies that you have great knowledge, so is erudite in that kind of indirect way.

As to the rest of your post, I do not (mis)attribute speech which shows that the person is intelligent or knows things that I don't understand at all. I am comfortable with that. The person has to also come off as trying to show off, as opposed to just talking about what they're interested in. But I appreciate your stab at an analysis of my insecurities.

And yes I had to look up what erudite means.

> Speaking intelligently can be (often is) like serving a plate of delicate, complex food in front of someone who isn't interested in this "pansy bullshit" and just wants a hot dog. And it hurts the same way, because what you prepared for them really is amazing, and not only is the effort not appreciated, but the recipient interprets the offer as an insult. This is a very painful experience, and you learn to take great care to learn who is expecting a gourmet conversation and who is not.

This thinking often leads to elitist attitudes. Some things are more complex or harder to get into than other things. That doesn't mean that they are superior to entertain. It might show that the person who appreciates them has a certain intellect, or whatever, but not ttat the thing itself is inherently good. I used to think this way about a certain medium - why can't people appreciate this thing that I showed them? Can't they see that it is better crafted, more thought out, more beautiful than that other thing that they are currently interested in? Then I stopped looking at it as a matter of appreciating ever-more complex, hard and well-crafted things and just as appreciating the thing for itself. If two people enjoy two different things equally, does it matter which one is superior by some objective standard? No. It's just a bullshit distraction.