Hey Iris, if by chance you read this I just want you to know you should never be ashamed to be who you are, that there is hope in this life and that you are worthwhile. I am sorry things are so terrible and that you feel so bad. Thanks for being willing to be so open about it in public; honesty about the bad parts of our personal lives in public always takes courage. If you need somebody to talk to I am sure there are plenty of people here, but please feel to reach out to me,
too.
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This is not code related, and this is not an easy read for many, but if I will leave one last thing, it’s going to be my raw emotions with the irreversible damage they will do to me. But at this point I do not care. I’m tired of the lies, and I am tired of the pain. Iris is gone, I will never be me again, and I think it might be a good thing. They say you only live once, but what they don’t tell you is that it might not be a good, and it might not end pretty. We don’t want to talk about it, we float along as if it was an endless river.
You will hate me, Pluralsight will sue me, my MVP status will be gone, everything. But it doesn’t matter, it’s a world full of lies and this is not retaliation- but rather desperation. I’ll keep it short because I’m not feeling well.
Three areas, health, career, personal life.
Health
I’m not well. And I don’t think I would have made it until the end of the year anyway. I didn’t want to be skinny, I didn’t want to lose weight. Something is wrong with my body. I’m under 45kg (stopped weighing myself at 45), with a BMI below 17 something. There are lumps growing places, fever, itching, fainting, and many more things I don’t think you want to know about. And a heart attack and cardiac arrest (I was told as I do not recall much more than waking up in the ambulance three weeks ago). Poor liver values, A1 at 2, and decreased lung capacity. I throw up constantly, and I do not know if it is pain or food my body want to get rid of. I just know, I just feel it, that my body will not last much more. And although I always though I would be able to manage I guess I always though I would have more time and feel less scared. And my parents. Jesus christ, I cannot even explain how much it pains that they have to see me fading away. I haven’t been able to to tell them everything. Nobody knew, nobody knows, the nights I’ve fallen asleep bent over the toilet so I wouldn’t suffocate in my own vomit.
Career
And I was late. A week late. With a course I was writing for Pluralsight. They knew of my condition. I got an email, the completed course (a month’s work) was cancelled, and I had immediately been removed from all the author resources. Email list and any online access. Completely frozen out without any warning or explanation. Like I never existed or mattered. But they let me keep my royalties, I had never noticed in the contract that it states that if they end the contract they keep the royalties. A great way to make sure a person doesn’t say anything. Unless of course the person doesn’t give a shit because it’s all coming to an end anyway. And I wasn’t the only one. I won’t say more, just that I wasn’t the only one. And I still don’t know why. I’m sure they’ll tell you after this, its hard to sue a sick person, even more so a dead person (depending on how long it takes them to do that.). I was going to get an MRI and needle biopsies in Poland with the money. Just can’t ask my parents for more help, they have been through enough,- and I love them more that I can put into words.
Personal life
I can’t say much, I want to,- and I would if there wasn’t kids involved. But when things surface, I just want you to know that I had no idea. I had no fucking idea. Three years. I hate myself for my naivety, and for the pain I completely unwittingly caused through another person’s lies. You would think I would find some consolidation knowing I wasn’t the only one, but absolutely no.
I can’t write more, I’m not feeling well. I know the post is not well written, or makes much sense.
I’m so sorry, so , so , sorry. I would unwind and undo all of my life if I could. Any pain I ever caused. Anything, everything.
It’s a fucked up world.
I love you all very much, it was never just about code for me- it was home. It was the first the time in my life I didn’t feel weird, or lonely. And I’m so terrible lonely. And ashamed of saying that.
xoxo Iris, please forget me, and please forgive me.
Even with the text, I've no idea. I flagged it cause it seems to be drama that doesn't directly concern us. If she wanted to say what it was (drugs, accidental serious STD, unaware of serious mental illness), she could have. Otherwise this is gossipy IMO. (If you know details, you can talk to other people that know; not publish it for everyone.)
If I'm wrong to flag such a thing, tell me.
That said: unless this kills her or damages her brain, it's unlikely MVP and other stuff are going to be a problem. It's unlikely her career is over. People forgive, forget, or decide it's not relevant. Or give second chances. Books/courses get missed all the time for all reasons. Stuff happens. You get better (if), then slowly build stuff up again.
djokkataja|10 years ago
austenallred|10 years ago
>Iris is under medical care and observation at the hospital and will be so for a while. Thank you for your best wishes and concerns
>She is breathing on her own, partly conscious, able to hold down some food. There is significant organ damage. Will keep posted
Written by a third party. Yikes. Hoping for the best.
phuff|10 years ago
unknown|10 years ago
[deleted]
haneefmubarak|10 years ago
artmageddon|10 years ago
This is not code related, and this is not an easy read for many, but if I will leave one last thing, it’s going to be my raw emotions with the irreversible damage they will do to me. But at this point I do not care. I’m tired of the lies, and I am tired of the pain. Iris is gone, I will never be me again, and I think it might be a good thing. They say you only live once, but what they don’t tell you is that it might not be a good, and it might not end pretty. We don’t want to talk about it, we float along as if it was an endless river.
You will hate me, Pluralsight will sue me, my MVP status will be gone, everything. But it doesn’t matter, it’s a world full of lies and this is not retaliation- but rather desperation. I’ll keep it short because I’m not feeling well.
Three areas, health, career, personal life.
Health
I’m not well. And I don’t think I would have made it until the end of the year anyway. I didn’t want to be skinny, I didn’t want to lose weight. Something is wrong with my body. I’m under 45kg (stopped weighing myself at 45), with a BMI below 17 something. There are lumps growing places, fever, itching, fainting, and many more things I don’t think you want to know about. And a heart attack and cardiac arrest (I was told as I do not recall much more than waking up in the ambulance three weeks ago). Poor liver values, A1 at 2, and decreased lung capacity. I throw up constantly, and I do not know if it is pain or food my body want to get rid of. I just know, I just feel it, that my body will not last much more. And although I always though I would be able to manage I guess I always though I would have more time and feel less scared. And my parents. Jesus christ, I cannot even explain how much it pains that they have to see me fading away. I haven’t been able to to tell them everything. Nobody knew, nobody knows, the nights I’ve fallen asleep bent over the toilet so I wouldn’t suffocate in my own vomit.
Career
And I was late. A week late. With a course I was writing for Pluralsight. They knew of my condition. I got an email, the completed course (a month’s work) was cancelled, and I had immediately been removed from all the author resources. Email list and any online access. Completely frozen out without any warning or explanation. Like I never existed or mattered. But they let me keep my royalties, I had never noticed in the contract that it states that if they end the contract they keep the royalties. A great way to make sure a person doesn’t say anything. Unless of course the person doesn’t give a shit because it’s all coming to an end anyway. And I wasn’t the only one. I won’t say more, just that I wasn’t the only one. And I still don’t know why. I’m sure they’ll tell you after this, its hard to sue a sick person, even more so a dead person (depending on how long it takes them to do that.). I was going to get an MRI and needle biopsies in Poland with the money. Just can’t ask my parents for more help, they have been through enough,- and I love them more that I can put into words.
Personal life
I can’t say much, I want to,- and I would if there wasn’t kids involved. But when things surface, I just want you to know that I had no idea. I had no fucking idea. Three years. I hate myself for my naivety, and for the pain I completely unwittingly caused through another person’s lies. You would think I would find some consolidation knowing I wasn’t the only one, but absolutely no.
I can’t write more, I’m not feeling well. I know the post is not well written, or makes much sense.
I’m so sorry, so , so , sorry. I would unwind and undo all of my life if I could. Any pain I ever caused. Anything, everything.
It’s a fucked up world.
I love you all very much, it was never just about code for me- it was home. It was the first the time in my life I didn’t feel weird, or lonely. And I’m so terrible lonely. And ashamed of saying that.
xoxo Iris, please forget me, and please forgive me.
GC.Collect();
c0achmcguirk|10 years ago
escaped_hn|10 years ago
MichaelGG|10 years ago
If I'm wrong to flag such a thing, tell me.
That said: unless this kills her or damages her brain, it's unlikely MVP and other stuff are going to be a problem. It's unlikely her career is over. People forgive, forget, or decide it's not relevant. Or give second chances. Books/courses get missed all the time for all reasons. Stuff happens. You get better (if), then slowly build stuff up again.
efeamadasun|10 years ago
tomc1985|10 years ago