Douceur's comments

I understand that the refugee debate is an emotional one, but let me try and show you another way of thinking about it.

You said earlier that we shouldn't over-generalise especially with the influx of (positive) stories of these refugees, but one can argue that you're doing the same thing but from the other perspective. In fact, before the Aylan tragedy, I remember that there wasn't much coverage about the refugees themselves, but certainly there was a lot of sentiments, mostly fear, from the media and the public on the Internet. Even NYT remarked on the apparently British obsession with refugees: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/14/world/europe/calais-migran... .

Personally I welcome the recent positive stories about the plight of the refugees because it brings balance to the debate, and remind us that they are also human beings and merely want to escape from death and poverty. Who wouldn't run? I'm in no way likening you with Stalin but your quote regarding statistics brought back some chilling memories: "One man is a tragedy, a million statistics". We cannot and must not let go of humanity, not after so much tragedies.

I know that it's completely unrealistic to take in all of them, and I think it's nonsense that one can just open up borders without proper checks - the argument that a terrorist might be disguised as refugee is a valid one, I think. But I also think that neighbouring countries should have responsibilities to accommodate as many refugees as they can handle - and that's where the problems come in. Despite the media pandering on the lack of action from neighbouring Arab countries, Jordan, Lebanon and even Turkey have been taking in millions of refugees for years, even decades, see http://www.mercycorps.org/articles/turkey-iraq-jordan-lebano... . However it's starting to take its toll, and it's definitely not sustainable, which the refugees themselves could see. Lower wages, lower standards of living, growing dissent ... and then there's the next neighbour, rich and civilised: Europe. It's easy to see why it looks like the Promised Land!

Sure, people smugglers exploit this ruthlessly and many have even died trying to reach Europe, but for those who are already at your doorstep, is it really necessary to question if you should take them in or not?

We live on the same planet, and it's getting smaller. We used to think that what happens on the other side of the world won't affect us, but clearly globalisation and the Internet have linked us all up in a way more intimate than before. Sometimes I think that the concept of borders and countries are outdated[1]; we have so much more in common than differences that it's hard to feel "us vs them" now. And I think that's the key with the refugee crisis, and it's the same thing with other global issues like climate change: Division of privileges is increasingly becoming irrelevant and we've got to start thinking like global citizens.

--- [1]though I can't see countries getting scrapped in the future, we're way too tribal for that (!)

Girls aren't that fragile either ;)

I probably feel this way because I'm so used with male pronouns to the point that it's become gender-neutral - but this might just be me. Weirdly enough, it annoys me to see female pronouns alongside male because it reminds me that gender does matter (Disclaimer: I am female).

I agree with you though, definitely more women is needed in this industry, but I personally can't see how adjusting pronouns can help very much. Something that's not being addressed properly is subtle sexism: prejudice at subconscious level that we don't realise about but is painfully obvious to the other person. I have worked with colleagues who I regretfully classify as "boy's clubs", because they would automatically change their tone towards me and sometimes even ignore completely. You might say that there could be a thousand other reasons for this, like perhaps I'm not communicating very clearly, but when you share the same interests, when your dismissed suggestions gets "suggested" by themselves later on, and when all this becomes a daily occurrence ... you can't help but think of the worst.

How this problem can be tackled, I'm not sure. We all have a certain level of prejudice though, so maybe this is a "spiritual" thing rather than a cause for activism.

That's based on the assumption that the crunch will happen though, and even if those companies flop, I think it's quite important to analyse exactly where they went wrong rather than put them down as just another startup that couldn't scale properly. If you're a bootstrapping startup hoping to enter the same market, this is crucial as you can at least try and avoid those mistakes - who's to say that you won't crash and burn too?

(This is more like advice to myself actually as I'm currently in a dilemma between that "wait" that you've just described and the intense worry of not getting first-mover advantage through that waiting)

Depression for me is like walking on a tightrope, it really is that easy to fall. But worse than falling is spiralling. If you feel yourself falling, command yourself to get up. If you can't get up, command yourself to drag your body. If you can't even do that, command yourself to move anything, even if it's lifting a finger. The important thing here is that you must make sure that your mind can at least obey direct survivalist commands like this.

I realise that this sounds a little surreal but when I was depressed, what was in my head was much more real than the real world. In fact the real world seemed more like a ghost. I did that exercise mentally, then gradually moved to physical, such as commanding myself to sit up on bed after lying down for so long. Now I don't know how deep you are in, but if you are, start with this.

The guys here have been helpful with their suggestions but for me checklists didn't work. Checklists were actually bad for me, because I would realise that I couldn't do some/most of them - and then I would feel worse. There was a time too when I was so detached from the real world that checklists looked vague, silly even. Focus on forcing your body to obey simple, direct commands first.

I personally don't believe in medication. In one of my bluest episodes, I considered taking a drug like Aderall, just anything so I can pass my final year. I'm glad I didn't. I personally believe that depression doesn't come out of nowhere, but from a fundamental dissatisfaction buried deep inside. Do not start digging now though. Your mind is already chaotic/empty and you do not want to tangle things any further. Be gentle with yourself, be sensitive, and uncover them one by one, and keep assuring yourself that it's OK and mistakes are very OK. Again I'm sorry if this might sound surreal.

Contact with the real world is very important, but you must keep your circle very tight and very few. When I was depressed, the world seemed fast and cruel. But you must always tell yourself to give people a chance. I realised that I had an almost-subconscious prejudice against a certain type of people, namely those who seemed mild and mundane - in other words, boring and characterless. But it was those people who helped me the most, because when the world seems fast and cruel, 'boring' characters are refreshing and smiles give hope. I also had a difficult relationship with my mother, but I took a big decision to ignore my (mis)conceptions and confide a few things with her anyway. That was life-changing, because it repaired our relationship and I could finally see her as she is, and not someone who wants to trip me up (I had a childhood trauma based on embarrassment, and it was one of the root causes of my unhappiness). I'm not suggesting that you do exactly as I did here, but keep your circle small and tight so that it can eventually become a sort of haven.

The real world can sometimes be so overwhelming that you are not only scared of it, you freeze on the spot. Do not be so conscious of the real world, let it trickle in gradually. Though strip yourself bare first. Actually, we all live in bubbles and we forget quite a lot of things that are already around us. Beautiful and impossible things, that when you really think about it, it's a miracle that they exist. When you look out of the window, behold the sky! And the ships of cloud. And that child daisy-chaining since afternoon. The tastelessness yet purity of water. The way the light scatters through the blinds. Your hands that seem pinky-transparent when you hold them up. The world is a miracle and you're extremely privileged to witness it.

That's my story anyway. I believe that I've recovered but I know that I'm still on the tightrope, and it's so easy to lose balance. I absolutely loathed those years, I considered self-destruction so many times, but sitting here right now and typing this, I'm glad that I had the experience. It made me feel more human. And suddenly, lots of things don't actually matter, even failures - and I have plenty of those in my portfolio. Because being alive is a privilege. I'm not a survivor, I've been made new all over again. But with a faculty for compassion.

(Another consequence of depression is my new ability to rattle off abstract things, and I've never been good at that ... oh well.)

So stay strong, listen to yourself and trust yourself. You can do this. Just keep getting up again because above all, you do not want things to spiral down. You're procrastinating, which is a good sign, because you've still got your feet anchored to this world. But do the things as I told you. You can do this. You can do this.

Keep safe :)