HansKerneue's comments

Fair - it would be more accurate to say "If I paid for treatment and it's effective then I don't care whether it's treating ADHD or some other issue - or if it's treating nothing but I have the impression that it is"

i.e. The outcome is important to me regardless of the how and why.

I wonder if there's a term for that? Feels like there must be.

I will add then that while the meds have been very effective, equally helpful was accepting the diagnosis. It made it easier for me to accept some of my failings and forgive myself for them.

And secondly just to say that things definitely can get better (which I found very hard to be believe for a very long time, no matter how many people would say it)

Whatever happens, best of luck to you!

Some perspective from someone like your family member. ~2 years ago I self-diagnosed with ADHD and paid for a private assessment. I learnt everything about it before being assessed and therefore knew exactly how to respond, and was put on a prescription for methylphenidate.

The reason I went looking for the diagnosis was 10+ years of utter misery. I had been on various treatments for depression & anxiety, but found them minimally effective. I was getting by but was pretty apathetic about life. Over the years I'd investigated various other mental illnesses, but never came across one that seemed to fit me. I came across ADHD purely by chance, when an acquaintance was diagnosed and I looked it up. Previously I had probably ignored it assuming that it was just for hyperactive kids.

This one did seem to fit, and frankly I was desperate. The though of a pill that could actually fix some of my issues made it worth a try at the very least.

For the past two years I've been happier than any other time in my life that I can remember. Life was just easier. The most telling point for me was when I realised that I was no longer apathetic about life, I actively wanted to live, I had things that I wanted to do, goals to achieve - and I was actually able to do them.

I don't know if I actually have ADHD, I still question the diagnosis. It worries me sometimes that maybe I don't have it and that instead I'm just not very good at life. The truth is that it doesn't really matter, the diagnosis and treatment worked - If I payed for a placebo I don't really care.

Perhaps your family member is the same - maybe they have ADHD, maybe they just needed something to help them through life, maybe they had run out of alternatives - it just gets to a point where you wonder 'how much does it matter even if I'm wrong?'