eq_sd_'s comments

I have worked on some server-side anti-cheat detection for a game recently. Competence is not a problem, it's actually very difficult to even do detection some would think is "easy".

I don't have a spouse. Just wanted to say I have a hard time meeting men AND making friends in Seattle, even as a female software engineer working in video games. I've used Tinder in the past and have been able to meet lots of people, but it doesn't seem to be as effective now. Not sure if the users of the app have changed or it's just Seattle culture. It's rough.

I feel your pain. My manager treat problems I mention as just my problems and not as a team/culture problem that I am particularly vocal about. My current manager views me so negatively right now that they have criticized me every 1:1 for the past month. I wish I didn't have to talk to them anymore at this point.

> Autism and Asperger's occur more frequently among boys than girls.

More males are diagnosed, doesn't necessarily mean it occurs more.

> I don't understand why people deliberately hire people of certain group.

Because humans are biased.

I agree with the sentiment that maybe therapy would be helpful for the OC, but speaking as a woman, I have a similar problem. Growing up my dad used my thoughts and emotions as weapons against me so "showing my thought process" to strangers that are men in a high stakes environment like an interview is incredibly crippling. I tend to disassociate once I'm uncomfortable and I'm not able to recover in the span of an interview session. I do attend therapy myself, but it's a very slow process to heal from years of emotional abuse.

I recognize my own experience is more on the extreme end, but SWE and related interviews could be more mindful of different life experiences in general.

Go to a library and use a computer to look at something like: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists or Google search "therapists in <City>" or "<disorder> treatment in <City>"

Going to weekly therapy is the only way I really track anything. I've been struggling a lot since my ex and I broke up last year. Earlier this year, I started thinking about how my dad treated me growing up and how it was (is) a type of emotional abuse. He's probably narcissistic. I'm sure it's a big factor in why I dated someone like my ex and why I've put up with so much shit in my relationships, friends, work.

And now at work, I'm being treated poorly by a particular person and he's generally offensive to everyone. He's kind of like my dad in a lot of ways and it's "triggering" me. Managers and HR don't seem to care much. I'm also concerned about retaliation because this guy came here with a handful of other people, a couple of which are extremely high level that can hold me back and give problem guy preferential treatment.

I'm one of few female engineers here and I feel like people with power are looking at me as whiny, it doesn't feel good. I already have too many short stints on my resume so I feel like I can't leave and I suck at tech interviews too...partly because "showing my thought process" is terrifying when I've grown up with all my thoughts and feelings being used as a weapon against me.

I have almost no friends in the city I moved to, I miss my mom and my brother a lot. I could try harder to make some new friends here but work is exhausting and I just don't feel good and I'd rather stay home and cuddle my dog. She is pretty much the only thing that gives me energy. :/

It sounds like therapy would be helpful for you. It's highly unlikely they will think your "rights need to be taken away" unless they think someone is going to get physically hurt.

If you can afford it, many therapists accept cash only and in that case, they don't have to diagnose you with anything since they aren't reporting to insurance. You also don't need to go to any therapist that isn't right for you.

> best and most eligible women live in Ukraine and Russia

wut

Came here to say this too. Same for ADHD.

Same for Unity

I was fired and filed for unemployment and reported that it was a hostile environment. The benefits were quickly approved and no questions were asked beyond what the form asked for.

Here is a great article on the size of women's and men's pockets and phones: https://pudding.cool/2018/08/pockets/

> some mild mental disorder like TOC or ADHD.

Can you not downplay this? Some people might have a mild variation of a disorder but many, like myself, suffer deeply.

I failed one because I used callbacks instead of promises...

> Is there anything wrong with preferring people who have spent a lot of time practicing leetcode?

If you care about diversity and inclusion, yes. This interview format prefers people with formal education, extra time, good mental health, no kids, etc.

This can easily eliminate some women + caregivers + those with kids, the self taught, people that struggle with mental health or learning disabilities (including ADHD), etc.

Anecdotal story: Studying LC because I'm self taught led me into burn out and I ended up with an ADHD diagnosis (common for women to get diagnosed at an older age anyway). My ADHD brain wants to do things it likes and studying LC isn't one of them so it led to being burned out faster. A former manager even told me to slow down and I didn't listen!

I struggled for a while with interviews and getting my current job. Each additional interview became extremely traumatizing for me (which is probably compounded by Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria that comes with ADHD). It's been almost a year since I got my job and I still worry about interviewing again in the future.

For me, being a woman in tech with ADHD makes it really hard to walk into an interview feeling confident. It's intimidating to be obviously different then the vast majority of my interviewers and I'm so worried if I'll keep my train of thought and remember things or talk in a way that makes sense. And it spirals into me worrying if I make women in tech look bad because so many people seem to believe women are inherently worse.

It's possible to take a lower dose for a longer time period to lessen the side effects.

No? Accutane is often the last resort option when everything else fails.

The "relatively low free" part threw me off. Is that a joke? COBRA was $600/mo the one time I might have needed it. That was 6x what I was paying at the job I was in before.