Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

[msleona]

Hello,

I'd just like to give my two cents where I know no one gives a shit ever. I'm 29 years old. I finished with my Business Administration degree(major) and now I just feel completely LOST! Has anyone ever felt that way? You have the drive and motivation to get to your destination but once you are there -- you're left wondering -- "what else could I have done? What else is there to life? Because if this is all there is then I'm not happy." And, truth be told, I am not happy. I'd like to be something -- more than just an office person. More than just someone who works that 8-5 shift. I feel like a complete wreck. Has anyone ever felt this way?

I feel like I should go back to school but do I really want to rack up all that loan? I am already struggling right now. I just wish I knew where to start as a push and motivation.

What would you guys do if ya were in my shoes?

[sevenless]

You aren't wrong. Most of us are stuck in conformist, drab and conservative societies, where we're forced to participate in the market economy. This is soul-crushing, and bad for nearly everyone, but especially those in poor countries.

I recommend:

1. Don't work hard. Try to reduce your productivity.

2. Don't work long hours. Reduce your working week to the minimum necessary. Most university graduates earn enough to live comfortably on 10 or 20 hours work per week.

3. Have less stuff. Go outside more, even if it's to play Pokemon Go.

4. Do things for other people.

5. Try to lead an innovative life. Don't wear a tie.

6. Seek to abolish the existing world order.

[antisthenes]

This is one of those puzzling comments that I can't tell if tongue-in-cheek or actually serious.

I like it! Life's too serious and people need some chaotic ambiguity to spice it up.

> Don't work hard. Try to reduce your productivity.

Sounds good. Most people aren't as productive as they think they are, imho. I'd rather not buy into their facade and just be as productive as I need to be when I need to be!

> Don't work long hours. Reduce your working week to the minimum necessary. Most university graduates earn enough to live comfortably on 10 or 20 hours work per week.

Eh, I don't know where you live, but 10-20 hours of work would be a straight path to homelessness. Unless you mean actual hours of productive work (in a nominal 40 hour work week). Then it's a good target.

> Have less stuff. Go outside more, even if it's to play Pokemon Go.

Completely agree. Going outside in the summer and staying inside (a suburban home) has changed my life for the better more than any other single thing.

> Do things for other people.

Any suggestions? What do you think most people would like done for them?

> Seek to abolish the existing world order.

I think the world order is doing a pretty good job in that on its own.

[rekado]

In addition to that I suggest abandoning the idea of trying to be somebody. More important than individuals are what they achieve when working together.

This belongs to point 4: "do things for other people". Doing things for others often works best when joining existing efforts. Many projects with a social agenda don't have enough funds or supporters, because they operate outside of the simple profit model.

[eevilspock]

No. Work hard. On something that matters. The world needs a lot of help. If people with privilege use that privilege to slack off rather than give back, the world has no hope.

You will find a lot of meaning and joy in giving, in focusing on the well-being of others. Your own well-being will follow.

Yes to 3, 4 and 6! 5 Never hurts.

[ddavidn]

Great points here. Counterpoints to consider:

1 & 2 are different for everyone. I get an energy boost from working a certain amount of really productive hours during the week. Be self-aware, meditate, and identify the symptoms leading up to burnout. Err on the side of caution when it comes to preventing exhaustion, but let yourself binge on productivity if you're excited about the work you're doing. After you're done with that project, if you have a chance, take some time off and do something completely different. Surround yourself with people, opportunities and environments that make you excited to take a break.

[notduncansmith]

7. Cut social media out of your life.

I've never been happier and more clear-headed than I've been since I stopped using pretty much all social media (except Snapchat with close family).

By the way, we need more people working on #6.

[NumberCruncher]

Having an office job, eg. signing a work contract where you have to schow up every morning is not participating in the market economy but voluntary slavery. Don´t be a slave!

I live in Europe where self employement is not common but the most happiest friends of mine are all somehow self employed.

[md224]

I don't know if I've ever seen #1 given as advice, at least around these parts... very contrarian! I like it.

[uola]

I don't necessarily disagree, a balanced life is a good thing. But on the other hand it's just a slightly lesser conformist one. What you really want to do is to channel your energy and ambition in another direction. Unless you're rich you can't live on dreams. You have to pay your dues. But then instead of buying a house and waiting for that promotion you can do something different.

[amelius]

Point 6 seems to be in conflict with point 1. Changing the world order will require lots of work (or lots of thinking, which is also work).

[hellameta]

Not to be picky, but if you're trying to do (6), forget about trying to do (1) & (2)

[Practicality]

Abolishing the world order seems unnecessary but the rest is reasonable advice :)

[mastermachetier]

I think setting achievable goals to work towards also helps. Although I feel "stuck" at times as well.

[jsmith0295]

You aren't forced to. You could always choose to be in poverty instead, if you don't care to do produce any wealth.

[emmelaich]

Or these days the advice may be to ear a tie!

Since lots of tech-oriented companies have a very relaxed or non-existent clothing policy.

Anything to stand out.

[noname123]

Usually on this site and Quora, when people have a post like yours, the posters usually offer a piece of advice, that in my humble opinion, advices are useless because usually they say more about the advice-giver, what they wish they could've done when they were younger (doctors/lawyers who studied hard to make bank, advising all students to have fun when they're young but how did they get there?), or tout their own successes when the advice-receiver may or may not have the same background to be able to replicate it (people here with STEM background touting meritocracy and hard-work will eventually get everyone a job but when did you start learning coding and under what circumstances??).

As a 29-year old, I'll offer instead my own personal regret about my 20's without any panacea, I hope that it is relevant to your stated idea even though it may not seem so at first:

Last night I came home after going out with a bunch of friends from a startup at a "reunion outing" that we all used to work at several years ago,

We are all 28, 29, 30 now and we were 26, 25, 24 when we were hanging out everyday at work and after work; and past the superficial remembrances of the "all fun times we had," inside jokes of what-he-said, what-she-said, casual bantering at the pool table and the double high-fives for the ladies and low ass slaps for the bro's after the final game, on the back of the Lyft ride home, I thought about how we never ever really fought.

Not talking about general boorishness caused by alcohol and clashing sensitive male ego's, nor the passive-aggression between friends or acquaintances where perceived slights/differences built up but never confronted, beef never squashed instead squished down underneath the social surface that years pass by, your group's "happy hours" turns from a "thing" into a remembrance - that you heard only about XXX's wedding from your other friends who had been invited but you feel only slightly annoyed because XXX has already become someone who you used to know.

But really fight in a moment, air out your differences, coming into a fight, knowing that you or the other person may not come out at end as friends anymore, but you have a hope to salvage things, out of a conviction to be authentic to yourself and the other person, out of an intent to love the other person even if there is a such deep well of negative emotions, frustration, hatred, feeling of injustice and inspired self-insecurity, that you can't help but to still respect/admire the uniqueness/individuality of the person and even a wisp of self-reconsideration of your own part in the sordid affair; and hope you guys might come be able to come out the other side.

This is the my biggest regret about my 20's. That I have always ducked all my opportunities to fight.

Instead of accepting the up's and down's in any natural relationships, I took every setback, every feeling of feeling stagnant as an outlet to push people away. Underneath the thin sheath of rationalizations is a dread of knowing myself as who I truly who I am if I were to fight, I'll be exposed. So it is with this never-said but oft-acted upon notion I've come away with a decade of superficial trinkets instead of battle scars, and without the satisfaction that I've truly ever loved.

[Yhippa]

> But really fight in a moment, air out your differences, coming into a fight, knowing that you or the other person may not come out at end as friends anymore, but you have a hope to salvage things, out of a conviction to be authentic to yourself and the other person, out of an intent to love the other person even if there is a such deep well of negative emotions, frustration, hatred, feeling of injustice and inspired self-insecurity, that you can't help but to still respect/admire the uniqueness/individuality of the person and even a wisp of self-reconsideration of your own part in the sordid affair; and hope you guys might come be able to come out the other side.

Man, I wish there was HN gold for stuff like this.

I have learned to picked my fights but this is the key to determining who's most important in my life. If we can go through something like this and still talk to each other afterwards then we are friends for life.

I had this same problem. Took everything at face value in my 20's and didn't have the courage to fight. Once I did my life got much more happier. I hate that it took a long time to figure that out.

[nils-m-holm]

Let me provide a different perspective: In my early years I did not miss a single fight. I argued hard, enjoyed it a lot, and usually won. At 40, I started to hate what that habit had turned me into.

Fast forward: these days I try to resolve any conflict immediately and I value harmony indefinitely higher than being right. There is so much more to life than fighting!

Of course, knowing that you are able to fight hard might be necessary in order to avoid conflict. So I'm not saying, don't fight -- just keep an eye on the greater picture while you do!

[djkrudy]

Wow, this is great. Can we be friends because I love to argue with people I know. If you don't fight, you never realize who you are, you just think you're the same being as Pauly D, but you missed your "big shot" somewhere along the line. One of the most incredible feelings I've ever experienced is severely disagreeing with 3 friends but really feeling passionate about it, then running into the woods to contemplate and cry, and then returning and getting 3 hugs. I want you to know that. It's a "You haven't lived until..." type of thing.

[missn]

This is amazing, thank you for sharing this.

I'm going through something similar and you never want to go on a full on fight because, like you said, it's hard "knowing that you or the other person may not come out as friends anymore".

It's a hard lesson but I'm slowly realizing that it's better to know the limits of how real and true your friendships are rather than realizing it was all based off unstable foundations.

[carheadrest]

I really like it. It's something I aspire to do but cannot. Partly, it's hard, because being a female you constantly monitor the distance between yourself and a friend and adjust accordingly. This might be too uncomfortable to bear through. I tried it today and it worked though. Can I send this to friends? Have you posted this anywhere like on FB so I could share? Thanks!

[atmosx]

Maybe it's a personality thing. I regret having one too many of the fights you'd like to have. Not all ended friendships but some of them did and although I miss none of the ones I lost - because I don't/didn't regard them as true friends - I still think that I've lost more than I gained.

[leesalminen]

Shit. That scares me. Thank you for posting.

[aerovistae]

I've been feeling this way since middle school.

I didn't really have any bad subjects in school, so I figured I could do whatever interested me professionally, but nothing really strongly appealed to me other than a paycheck large enough to eat out whenever I wanted. I discovered programming was pretty fun, now I'm a software engineer, and I'm just saving money for.....something. I don't know what.

I've been trying to figure out what I'm moving towards for years. I just don't know where it's going. Marry, have children, buy house, continue office job? I want to really care. I see so much wrong with the world and I don't have any clever ideas on how to fix it.

I don't want to make an app, something that adds a little convenience but doesn't truly make anyone's lives better. I want to fix something that's manifestly broken. I envy Elon Musk above all others, because he's seen terribly important things that were very broken, and had what it took to break all barriers to fixing them. Needless to say I'm not Elon Musk. Most people aren't.

I'd like to fix something social more than technological. I'd like to fix something societal that's broken, like the fact that Congress is literally a joke among Americans, that people feel so detached and isolated from the people creating policy that we don't bother to vote because we don't think it'll change anything.

But I don't know how to fix those things, so I keep working conventional jobs, but I can barely bring myself to do them, because my heart isn't in it, and I feel the years passing.

[aerovistae]

As an aside, I did have one little idea recently that spoke to me:

I was thinking it would be nice if there were some sort of media outlet that focused on solutions instead of problems.

Imagine a news source where the articles were outlines of plans by people in positions to leverage change, explaining specifically what they want to change and how to do it. Every article would end with links and contact information informing people how they could support a plan that appealed to them: who they could call, where they could donate, where they could show up to voice support, or where they could apply to join.

[madelinecameron]

>I want to fix something that's manifestly broken. I envy Elon Musk above all others, because he's seen terribly important things that were very broken, and had what it took to break all barriers to fixing them.

Here is the thing though: Elon didn't pop into existence as the founder of SpaceX or Telsa, or being involved in PayPal.

The way I see it is that he didn't just take the steps to break through the barriers, he took all the steps to get to the barrier.

No one glamorizes what it takes to get to being where Elon is (ok, maybe not a lot of people) but you have to start somewhere.

Sure. Writing an app isn't going to save the world, but maybe if you can fix just one little bitty problem (even if it is just other people's boredom!), maybe you can take that little bit of leverage / money / whatever to move on to something even bigger, ad infinitum. :)

[tricolon]

I've felt similarly since middle school.

I keep coming back to poor education as the root cause of many problems worth fixing. Sometimes, the root cause is more basic: poor public health. Most hard problems are going to be solved very slowly. In the meantime, short-term solutions just don't seem worthwhile.

The frustrating part is that it's not readily apparent how our technical skills can help with these hard, fundamental problems.

[kup0]

"my heart isn't in it, and I feel the years passing."

That spoke to me directly, because it's exactly how I feel right now. Seems like my only option is to take control myself and make the necessary changes. Getting to that point is the hard part.

[apineda]

Just get involved in something and figure out how you can get leverage. If at every step in your life you are looking to build up leverage it becomes more interesting. Can I use that experience to convince someone to hire me/ contract me? Can I make contacts that will help me eventually If I need press? Can I learn a skill that is unique and interesting and adds value where people are not easily willing to give it?

[zacharycohn]

You could come join us at 18F or USDS. :)

[ljk]

this hits really close to home. i know that Musk's success/influence isn't overnight but still feel lost since i'm way behind compare to where he was at my age. it feels like it's impossible to catch up..

[anysz]

PROJECTS !

You should embark on side projects. They will teach you so much more than school ever will, and they will reward you in a way that nothing else really can. If your projects can make money too, then that's icing on the cake. You will be free.

I'm 25 years old with no degree, taught myself to code for the past 2 years and got turned down for thousands of developer jobs. I ended up working in a factory doing curtain assembly, and selling websites door-to-door after work, until last month, where the first day I decide to go back to sports, I tear my meniscus.

Thankfully, healthcare in Canada is free. However, with 250$ to my name at the time of surgery, the future was looking really, really dark. Can't work, and can't do door-to-door sales. Mother Nature has deadly accuracy with those curveballs.

In the hospital bed, I'm having an existential debate of what to do with my life (in the immediate future). I can sell my Macbook to stay afloat, but that means that I can't build iOS apps anymore. I can ask my brother for money, but he's just about the biggest asshole ever to have roamed the planet and we have a trash relationship. After a lot of tears and self-pity, and telling my life story to the nurse, I decide I'm going to throw life a curveball of my own and invest all I have in a new e-commerce venture.

So I set up a quick WooCommerce site selling Pokemon Go apparel and blew 200$ of my 250$ on FB and Instagram ads, and believe it or not, within 3 days, I nailed my first sale, and got approached by 2 Pokemon influencers to sell to their following.

I'm now making about 2 sales a day, which amounts to 30-35$. It's peanuts, but I've survived on less, and honestly, stuck in bed with a full zimmer brace, super high on painkillers, 10 full minutes to do a washroom trip and I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I'm trapped in bed for the next month, but I have never felt more free. Maybe with this, I don't even have to go to work again.

So that's my two cents, for your two cents. Find a project with potential and work on it. It doesn't have to bring money, it may be learning to play Californication on the guitar or implementing a hashing algorithm, but as long as it's something you enjoy and makes you grow, this is IMHO what life is all about.

[mouzogu]

I'm 32 and I've had similar thoughts at least since I was 27. A kind of existential crisis tinged with deep boredom and non-clinical depression.

I've found 3 things that have helped me deal with my depression/boredom:

1. Have things to look forward to:

Always, always find things to anticipate and look forward to in the short and long term. Whether it is something small, like a treat at the end of the day or something big like a vacation or short trip away.

2. Side projects & working towards self-employment.

Ultimately, the aim is to be the master of my own time. I no longer have to wake up at 8am because I HAVE to but because I (may) WANT to. This for me is so important. To be the master of my time. I'm 32 now, if I'm lucky to live to 70 you can say that I have about 14-20 years of productive time in me. I want to use it for myself.

3. Spirituality.

I know that this isn't for everyone. Personally, I find religion and spirituality helps me to cope with every day issues. It gives me strength where I might otherwise just find a gaping void of pointless-ness into which to fall.

I hope this helps you. As mentioned by another comment try to avoid alcohol. You won't find the answers you need a the bottom of a bottle.

[mysticlabs]

29 myself, and going through something similar. Millennials like us aren't allowed to grow up, it doesn't matter how successful or educated we are. In fact, the more we accomplish the more we are disinfranchised because society merely wants us to be consumers, go to work, pay the bills, and try not to cause any trouble. We aren't supposed to be anything more than consumer wage slaves.

Our generation has been brainwashed since we were children with identity politics, identity consumerism, and identity propaganda. We've been demoralized to believe in a system that is so utterly corrupt and rigged against us that there really isn't an answer to your question. You've already screwed yourself with a useless college degree and likely debt, and literally paid them to brainwash you into believing what they taught you actually has relevance to the real world. It doesn't, which is partly why you're feeling what you're feeling.

My best advice to you is stop doing what anyone else tells you, stop following the path society wants you to, and in fact avoid the things you're supposed to do. Start a daily meditation practice, take care of yourself, eat well, focus your energy on creating value for others, and put all the distractions down and go outside.

Don't subscribe to propaganda, don't identify with anything anyone else tells you to, listen to your intuition, study things that interest you on your own always. Learn to teach yourself whatever you're interested in. Stop expecting the world or anyone else to hand you anything, and become the best problem solver you can become.

Everything else is just noise.

[kilon]

I dont know If I am in your shoes but I am in a similar situation. I am lawyer and my father is a lawyer and the past 5 years my brain went to a lockdown, refusing to work , to make friends, to have a relationship. I tried to push myself through this by changing career since it was obvious I was not happy. It did not help.

Everybody was implying I was suffering from severe depression so I decided to visit a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with dysthymia , a condition very diffirent to depression. It basically means, no motivation to do anything.

So I have been taking drugs, they did not help, however psychotherapy did help me. After a year I realized that my problem was and still is pressure , pressure from my family but also and mostly pressure from myself. It killed my fun and enjoyment , everything became a must do, and brain refused to work under these conditions.

Now with the help of psychiatrist , I try to relearn how to relax and enjoy the process, stop working hard and instead work easy and fun. It works but old habits die last. So it will take years till I am out of the woods but the last year I have been doing psychotherapy at least I see a steady improvement.

We are be taught that we are our brain , but this is simply not true, brain is whole another monster and if you dont take good care of it , it will kick your ass. I wanted to learn this the hard way and so here I am.

So there is hope dont despair, definetly see a psychiatrist and expert advice is always helpful. The rest is up to you , go find what makes you happy and do that, the rest will follow.

[dotsamuelswan]

Grain of salt / what works for others won't work for you / etc.

Don't leap back to school without carefully vetting whatever program has caught your attention. A lot of hoop jumping, and a lot of curriculum that's a decade out of date (or more) out there these days. I've tried to go back a few times, and it's been a complete waste of time/money.

Read Pressfield's "The War of Art." It's cheap, it's short, and it's helpful. There are a few passages that don't quit hit home, but it does one thing really well. It gives you the kind of internal vocabulary you need to get out of the "I'll do it tomorrow" sort of procrastination. "Tomorrow" is really dangerous thinking when there's not an actual deadline. You'll be saying tomorrow for years at a time, without actually moving the needle.

Move the needle every day. Do -something- that counts as forward progress. Momentum goes a long way. Track what you're doing. "What gets measured gets improved" sort of thing.

Be honest with yourself. What have you done that makes you think you should be more than just another office peon? Put in the work. Stop wishing. Earn it.

[patricius]

This is a problem with living goal-oriented lives. We set out goals and by working towards those goals, we are paradoxically eroding the feeling of purpose, because what comes after the goal? Having finished a goal (finishing your major in business administration), you know how this feels.

Instead, find out what activity you can do every day, potentially for the rest of your life, that gives you meaning. For me it's eating lunch with my dad and going to the gym to meet friends and stay healthy. And reading and learning. These things don't sound profound, but they keep me happy about waking up every day.

[Artlav]

Feels familiar.

It's this rocket launch in super slow motion, the uphill battle of following the standard script.

Finish school, finish the university, get a job, work on the PhD, survive the lawsuit vs conscription army, finish the PhD, get a better job...

And suddenly you are in orbit. The last stage falls away, and there is freefall.

There is no next step, nothing left to do, no battles left to fight. Feels awesome, but gets old really fast. I lasted up there for about a year before hopping on a random plane and spending a couple months in South America, then slowly figuring out the things that are worth doing and things that aren't worth doing.

5 days a week job is not worth doing, it eats away your sanity. 3 days a week leaves much more time to work for projects of your own (or to come up with them). Projects are worth doing, you never guess in advance how they would play out, and the process is fun.

So, step one is to derail the current routine and get some thinking space outside it's constraints. Step two is to figure out what you like to do and how to be able to do it.

Not sure how well that would work for you - Russia is a cheap place to live and most existential stuff is free, so my situation is quite a bit privileged compared to what i heard about USA.

[stevenkovar]

Happiness, money, and love are great as a byproduct of effort, but destructive as the main goal.

Do you want to feel fulfilled or do you want to be happy? My money is on the former; for me this fulfillment comes from continually improving.

Focus on the process. The process of learning, of working, of talking, of exercising, of being... everything you do, do it just 2% better than last time. Try and be more of yourself and less of the someone you've thought (or were told) you should be.

Practical advice:

1. Don't go back to school; it's not a career advantage for most people anymore. You can learn more in practice than in study.

2. Find or create an active job—I mean physically active. Something hands-on.

3. Get enough sleep, enough exercise, and enough sun/Vitamin D (in order of importance); these plus a renewed focus on incremental improvements go hand-in-hand.

4. Don't be afraid to work less. Our culture is toxic with the obsession of "what do you do" and "how much do you make" questions upon meeting someone. The most fulfilled people I know start with "what do you enjoy most" or "what's your story?" Working less makes your answer to those questions more interesting.

5. Exercise gratitude. By this, I mean find something every day you are grateful for—this forces you to think creatively and to observe the small things. It's simple, but this has larger implications for seeing the 'big picture' and seizing opportunities you may otherwise miss.

[donretag]

Undoubtedly, many will suggest traveling. I went traveling the world last year for 10 months, although I did not do so because I "had the blues". I did so because I found myself with no obligations and enough money to do so, so it would be a great time to do it.

I had a fantastic time, but now I am suffering from the blues, not before. I think of all the places I went to, and I simply cannot stand to be at work. What am I doing here? Another trip?

If you are an American (can never tell on HN), then you may define yourself by your job and profession. Treat your job as a paycheck and define yourself by what you do in your free time. Of course, doing what you love is important, but most people do not have that luxury. Many here on HN will disagree. Simply get the job that sucks less, has a good work balance, and enjoy the other 16 hours of the day. Try living overseas with the culture is not as work focused.

[monk_e_boy]

Going to a 3rd world country opens your eyes to how 'free' we are.

In Bali you could just go and buy some stuff, set up a stall and sell it. Make some cash. Try that in the UK.

Best thing is to go volunteer in an African school. Cheap to get there, you do something amazing while you are there. And it'll change your life in a good way.

[gregn]

I would say the answer is to read profound books, and then move. I was in a situation where I drank continuously for several years because I was stuck in a dead-end job in a dead-end town. The real thing to do is 2-fold:

1) figure out what the big story is, not the piddly immediate stuff; watch Michael Wood histories, read Carl Sagan, read Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything". Get interested in hobbies that will link you with NATURE and the universe at large. Examples might be SURFING, HIKING, ASTRONOMY, GEOLOGY, FIELD_BIOLOGY. These are important because it snaps you out of the anthropocentrism that the myth of culture forces on us. You MUST snap out of the delusional narrative society forces upon you in order to _really_ make sense of your life. This means that you must read enough and collect enough data to weave your own narrative to replace the off-the-shelf one most people use. There are no easy versions of this. You must do it yourself for it to work, and so that you can attain true mental and spiritual freedom. I am not suggesting that you should become some out of touch hippy, but instead gain a broader perspective. You can still go into business. Your widened perspective will actually aid you instead of making things more difficult for you. Steve Jobs for instance, went to India in the late 1970s seeking audience with a famed Guru. It's a good strategy. Better than being a drone.

2) Move!! Firstly, plan your move; consider your options carefully. While you are researching, save up your money. There are a few places left in the U.S. (I refuse to say which. It should be pretty obvious once you look) and in the world where people are not totally congested in against one-another, where people do not abuse consumerism and become flatulated and obese, where soulless corporatism does not rule the minds and hearts of the local residents. I won't tell you where they are, because frankly, I don't want anyone to move there and ruin the tiny enclaves of peacefulness that are left. Besides, you have to find them for yourself for it to work. Some people are mountain people; some people are ocean people. You decide which one is for you.

[ddavidn]

I'm 27, have had a great job for three years and very recently dropped into this weird "stuck" state that feels similar to what you're describing. I feel like a robot that gets up every day, goes to work, goes to bed, repeats.

I don't think the answer is the same for everyone, but my best times have been when I was helping someone accomplish their dream company/project/etc. Self-employment wasn't fulfilling for me in the way I had hoped, but sticking with someone who has a great vision for something and being their support really helped me to feel momentum for myself. Doesn't matter if I was making lots of money, or just following the project and offering my opinion when asked.

My advice would be to seek out an opportunity, however small, to find something that has meaning and momentum. Mentally put your office work on autopilot, use your energy on the nights and weekends to find interesting people and offer your unique perspective on what they're doing. I'm not out of the woods yet, so take my advice (and all the other posters') with a grain of salt. Hope this helps. Let us know how it goes.

Edit: The thoughts Derek posts over at sivers.org have been very inspirational to me as well. He'll even answer your email if you ask him some questions.

[sottitron]

Here is what I've got for you. Maybe together we'll have four cents:

Sounds like you need to set some goals. In school you had them - they were to get to here. Now its time to take stock and set some new ones. Then you'll know where you're going and you won't be lost.

For what its worth, here is my mission statement:

At home, my wife, kids, friends and family will know they are loved and will see it through my actions. At work, I will dazzle and always provide something useful. For myself, I will invest the time and energy to keep myself present, content, and healthy.

[r_smart]

I did go through this when I got my first degree. I graduated with a degree in writing and prepared to become a journalist and it was like the whole thing turned to ash in my mouth. I just didn't want it anymore. I couldn't even write anymore, and to this day, about 10 years later, I still don't write much even though it was a hobby of mine from a young age.

The best solution I can offer you is to wait. Find a hustle (job you don't mind doing that makes enough money for you) and let yourself recover a bit until a new plan / opportunity emerges. For me, I got a job working as a bar tender for a few years, then one day decided I couldn't wait on people any more and I didn't want to be poor anymore. Enrolled in my local college for Electrical Engineering and plowed my new path. But it took ~3 years for me to be ready to do that. I had suffered a fairly crushing defeat and needed time to recover and let a new plan gestate.

Be patient, and ignore the voice in your head that worries about how old you are and how so many other people seem to have their course charted well before you.

[allendoerfer]

First check if you treat yourself like a machine or an animal, that needs maintenance. You can search for similar threads here, you will always find the typical answers: Enough sleep? Good food? Exercise? Social interaction?

Once you have all that covered I would take a step back and get some vacation. You seem to already have an idea what you want to do, so that is good. Maybe try to specify it a bit more and lay out the steps to get there.

One of these steps could be going back to school. If you are not sure whether you want to take a step, I would go like this:

1. List alternatives

2. Order by likelihood of success

3. Take first you think you can do and still stay sane. You have to know yourself whether or not you are a person that can take on debt and likes to go to school.

[bahularora]

Life is a circle you feel lost then you find your way, only to find its not your way, then you feel lost again, and it goes on till you die. Know this that you will never find any deep meaning to life, its all there it is to life. Its simple give happiness to others, be honest and just enjoy your time here doing things you want to do and then leave in peace. Be happy or not its immaterial, you can't be in one state for long anyway. We are all but a pale blue dot in the vastness of the sky. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot

[tominous]

Here's the secret: motivation only kicks in AFTER you start doing something. If you're waiting around for motivation to come out of the blue you'll be disappointed.

So just start doing something. Choose one that appeals to you: help another person, create something, build friendships. You've spent enough time improving yourself through education, now it's time to focus outwards and give back.

Second, structure. Set some recurring reminders for starting. In the past I have used a dark trick: I asked a friend to be my "demotivator". His job was to knock me off track. If I didn't meet my personal commitment on a given day I would pay him $50. It worked extremely well.

[jason_slack]

I am 39. I feel this way every few years. I look back on the previous few years and realize that the ideas/goals that I had, I did not accomplish. I then start to look for new ways to accomplish them. I still have a 8-5 that I need to pay my bills.

So I start with the 1 hour a day idea. Goto work, come home, eat dinner with the family. Then I get 1 hour to do whatever I want. No interruptions.

Then, well, it is Friday, perhaps I can take my 1 hour and goto bed an hour later, now I have 2 hours.

Saturday and Sunday, maybe I can do 4 hours.

Oh, back to Monday - Thursday, 1 hour.

This makes me feel that: 1. maintaining my 8-5. Bills paid. Wife is happy. 2. I have time each and every day for my goals/ideas. Some more than others. 3. I am making forward progress. 4. I don't think about my 8-5 holding me back, because it isn't anymore.

What do I do during my time: 1. code 2. EDM 3. read about things that interest me.

When I was struggling years ago with an 8-5 that I hated but needed to keep. I bought a good pair of headphones and I used them everyday. I felt that it kept me motivated (I could pump though them any type of music I wanted, mood dependent) and it kept me a bit isolated from co-workers and I could just focus on work. Sometimes distractions cause you to be stressed because it increases the time it takes and therefor you feel behind in your day instead of on pace.

One last thought. Can you get some exercise? For me, if I can I just feel better.

Keep your chin up!