Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

[Damnit]

Dear Hacker News,

I am a longtime member here. I would never think I would be one of those writing this but here it goes.

I have a terrible problem with focus and discipline. I simply cannot manage to achieve both for any prolonged period of times. For the last five years, I have tried very conciously to become disciplined and no matter what, after a few days or weeks at best, the pattern breaks and I am back to my unproductive, terrible self.

I also cannot really enjoy or focus on anything or anyone for too long. This is the most scary part. I cannot be in a relationship for more than a week or two before becoming very ambivalent after the initial high. I cannot continue working on projects--all of them I would say I enjoy--for more than a few weeks at most.

I am 23 and finishing up school(took some time off to do failed startup). Much of this could be accepted during my teen years and 20s. People close to me respect me for my passion, for my entprenreurial spirit and all of those things. They barely know this miserable side of me and those that do don't know much else to help me.

I always thought I knew what I loved(startups). At this point though, anything I love seems to have become very irrelavant. I make new friends and before I know it, I am avoiding them. I want to socialize but before I know it, I'm avoiding it. I want to work on my startup but before I know it, my mind is just in a confused weird daze. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I have so many things to be greatful about. I am 100% confident that I am holding myself back. And yet, I don't know how to get out of this shitless pattern of life.

After a million self-help programs and motivation books that haven't been of much help, I thought I'd post this on HN.

More recently I have started reading up more on suicides. I am too weak to ever attempt it. But I also never thought I'd ever be so tired and hopeless in life to be googling something so sick.

Thanks!

-A dude

[fdschoeneman]

Dude, you don't have ADD. You aren't bipolar. You're a normal young man -- or at least within the range of normal for young men. Forget therapists. Forget drugs. Forget everything you've been told, and join the Army. Seriously. Trust me. Yes, yes, I know that you don't know me. But you're describing me in this post, and a lot of guys I knew back when I was in: Smart guys, but bored. Can't concentrate in class. Can't suffer fools. Takes a lot to motivate them. They need to be passionate about something before they will even try it, and then they try it, and things don't happen as quickly as they thought they would, and they get discouraged, and their minds wander. And then they try something else, half-way. Fuck that shit. Become a marine. Try to become a paratrooper. Do something physical that attracts a better class of recruit, and don't stop till you get there. It will teach you to finish things that you start. And along the way you'll probably be doing more good for the world than any ten Peace Corps volunteers. Yes yes, I saw that Collateral murder video. Wikleaks is a bunch of liars. When you finish, you'll have learned an important lesson. Which is that more than anything else, winning requires that you show up.

After that, if you still feel useless, you will have plenty of time to kill yourself.

[Tichy]

"you will have plenty of time to kill yourself"

And plenty of opportunities, too, I suppose.

Isn't there another way than becoming a soldier? I was going to suggest going traveling, for example a hike over several weeks. That would also be physically demanding and good for focus.

I tend to agree with the "normal young man" thesis.

[petercooper]

Dude, you don't have ADD. You aren't bipolar. [..] join the Army [..] you'll probably be doing more good for the world than any ten Peace Corps volunteers. Yes yes, I saw that Collateral murder video. Wikleaks is a bunch of liars.

Another perfect diagnosis, Drill Sergeant Schoeneman.

[waterlesscloud]

I can say that without question the Marines changed my brother for the better. Much, much better. From lost and aimless to driven and motivated.

[y_a_u]

I have a similar story as the OP, and have given serious thought to enlisting.

There's one problem: I don't want to get shot or blown up. Joining the army would mean going where I'm actively wanted dead. Am I wrong?

[MichaelGG]

What would you recommend for someone sufffering PTSD?

[Loy]

There is no "one fits all" solution. Even if Army has worked for you, it doesn't mean it'll work for everybody else.

For instance, Army would be the worse recommandation you could give to hypersensitive folks, who are paying their exceptionnal creativity with almost perpetual depression. They are invaluable assets to the society if they manage to find the right channels to express themselves. The training of an infantry man seems a wasteful pathway to this kind of personnality.

Army has also the tendency to reveal great men only under great circumstances, when bureaucracy is eventually bypassed because of the dramatic scale of the events, and everything has to be rethinked. Napoleon arised during the French Revolution era, Churchill and De Gaulle during World War 2, but they would never have without the right context.

My cousin went to Irak and he doesn't think about it as a worthwile cause today. He left the ranks as soon as he could, and he is glad to be back in the civil life where he finds the opportunities to grow as a human being much more interesting, at least in our current times.

[petercooper]

I'm only bringing this up because no-one did but read up on bipolar disorder and see if any of it clicks with you.

There's a wide spectrum of bipolar disorders (it's not all just super mania and super depression) and what you're saying sounds like it could be connected to this (the flip flopping, the doing OK one moment, not so good the next). Of particular interest should be bipolar II: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder

Bipolar is, IMHO, a significantly bigger deal than having ADD or a mere lack of willpower. It is a commonly misunderstood condition and one that a lot of normal advice regarding depression or personality disorders will not help. Unfortunately it can also be a very difficult condition to "admit" you have, especially to yourself, so it's worth at least reading up about it ASAP "just in case."

Disclaimer: I have a bipolar disorder that's self managed (no medicines) and over the last few years I've come up with a lot of techniques and tricks to take advantage of it and reduce its negative effects. Before that, though, things were.. not so good :-)

[Damnit]

Yeah I've read up on it and it's one of my default "jokes" to new friends("dude! you've no idea how bipolar I am")--only they don't know that I am not really joking.

Still I have a lot of stigma about officially getting tested for this stuff.

[charliepark]

You should absolutely find a psychiatrist or counselor. They deal with people going through this ALL. THE. TIME.

I absolutely believe that people run to medications too quickly these days, but drugs like Adderall et al. help people like you to find focus, break self-destructive patterns, and get back to a baseline of normal.

[Damnit]

I have considered addrell many many times only to hear from close friends that it will turn me into a bot. That's kept me away from it but perhaps I should reconsider...again.

[mikecane]

It is also something that is naturally outgrown, which is why I avoid suggesting pills.

[patrickgzill]

My suggestions:

1. You will grow out of some of this, even without therapy and/or medication. At least I did.

2. Exercise and eat right, try cutting down especially on caffeine, sugar and anything else that seems to have a weird effect on you.

3. Take up something you are bad at or that you have never done. Such as learning a different language, guitar, etc. Reason is that you are skimming the cream off the top of your abilities - I think if you choose something you can fail at, then you realized you failed but are still alive, it will give you a better perspective.

This world is very tough on non-conformists. Hang in there.

[noname123]

While OR's reply is really helpful (and funny enough, because I was in the same situation as you were in when I was graduating school and I followed pretty much OR's suggestion, weight lifting, taking up guitar and a rec basketball league and generally not stress out and enjoy life and it worked really well ... for awhile until my old depression/anxiety came back), I feel that they are topical medication to much more deep-rooted issues.

Although most don't admit it, graduation from college is a scary experience; some sees as a transition into the real world, prepared or not, an evaluation for what they have achieved during college, if they have made up for their disappointments in high school or a continuation of the disappointments, or as a crystal ball to determine the future (e.g., a 4.0 GPA in CS/Econ leads to job at Goldman Sachs or Bio to Harvard Medical School, to a respectable life); Or "I didn't make any lasting friends or relationships, I'll be a loser for the rest of my life," or that I have found my niche, geek bent for SF conventions/hipsters bent for bohemian gentrifying neighborhood/prep bent for loft in a upscale yuppie neighborhood.

The reason most people can't commit to relationships or friendships are rooted in their own insecurity; either a feeling of inferiority/superiority when in company of others, e.g., "Lisa thinks that I'm cool, but she doesn't know who I truly am, just my pomped-up version of myself in the two times I did her" or "Fuck Dan, what does he know? He went to an arts school". It could also be that you aren't sure about what you want yourself, "Should I focus more on startup's or my social life? Should I climb the corporate ladder or pursue my own personal vision?"; Unclear personal visions leads confusion to whom you want to associate with and the values that you want to see in your friends/significant others.

Add it on top of that is your expectations that come with your startup dream. What do you wish it to validate? Because most human endeavors, when you boil down to it, isn't about money. And also, it probably isn't one of those vague feel-good mantras, "make a difference in the world, " "to innovate," or "to push envelope." The reason, most of the time is pretty personal, hence the term, "the revenge of the nerds." Why do you want to pursue your startup? So that you could be the next Sergey Brin and get invited to your high school/college graduation as a and say "fuck you" to everyone in the audience, to get the girl (or the boy), to prove your parents or former best friend or ex-girlfriend, or to correct something in the unspoken rules in the current mainstream social conventions that has hampered/traumatized you.

Answer these questions and don't resist it if they lead to paths totally different than pursuing startup's. Although most people don't like to admit it, pursuing startup's is like pursuing medicine. In the beginning, the prospect is exciting and promises the riches and respectability; it is only later that most people realize that becoming a doctor haven't solved all of their personal problems and just brought on a whole slew of more professional problems.

So, don't go to medical school unless you can't imagine doing anything but medicine.

[csmeder]

I have said this 3 times on here already, however, it has been so effective I feel its worth sharing again.

This is the only thing that has worked for me and it worked fantastically:

1) Start with some Black Tea. In my experience the caffeine in black tea causes less of crash than coffee.

2) Hemmingways Hack: http://www.secondactive.com/2009/08/boost-your-productivity-...

3) And the Pomodoro Technique http://www.pomodorotechnique.com This has hemmingsways hack built in. If done right (read the PDF) it is amazing.

-----------------------

As far as that last paragraph, it sounds like your depressed.

Depression is the most common mental health concern in our culture today. The main reason for this phenomenon is our dysfunctional lifestyle. We have stripped away supports such as family and community and replaced them with material objects, larger homes, entertainment centers, and more time at work for money and success, rather than interest, meaning, or passion. The lack of support, connectedness, and meaning leaves people feeling empty, lost, and depressed. These negatives feelings are symptoms trying to tell us that we're being deprived of essential human nutrients: to be seen, heard, and understood. Thus, depression is a healing crisis. -- http://www.wholenesstherapy.com/public/anxiety.htm

Like everyone else has said go see a counselor. You should be talking to some one about these feelings.

To me it sounds like you depression is stemming from a feeling of a lack control and a feeling that you don't have the power to make a change. If you can, I recommend reading this book http://www.amazon.com/Transformation-Understanding-Levels-Ma...

[famfam]

Bringing up Hemmingway to a suicidal person seems kind of cruel, no?

[SkyMarshal]

Also try green tea. I find the caffeine stimulus a little stronger and more mentally soothing than black tea, but the side effects are no worse.

[Damnit]

Thanks for the link. I am considering visiting the school shrink.

[mikecane]

First, get suicide out of your mind. The very thought is ridiculous. None of this is worth killing yourself over. Second, what expectations are you setting for yourself? If your self-vision is not meeting reality, that's a major cause of disappointment right there. Change your self-vision. Third, who said anything is "wrong" with you? People have different temperaments. Some people bond tightly with others, some do not. As long as you're not harboring sociopathic or homicidal thoughts that prevent you sticking to others, it's not much to worry about. Fourth, in regards to expectations, do you imagine what others might expect from you -- and this is the underlying reason to avoid them? Does having to see other people feel like confronting a school test, with that sinking feeling you're being put on the spot and might fail? Well, that's shyness. Medicine claims to have a pill for that, but I really don't trust mind pills (all pills have revenge effects sooner or later). Lastly, you are young. The opportunities available to you are many -- perhaps too many. Whittle down everything to what you really love and want to do. Once you've got that settled (and this won't happen in just one day, so be patient), once you know your passion, everything else falls into place on its own -- because you will naturally gravitate to people who share that and being around them won't feel like a test. One other thing. You might want to read The Outsiders by Colin Wilson. This will give you some insight into just how different people can be -- but that didn't stop any of the people in that book from gaining prominence. I hope some of this helped.

[damoncali]

Find a therapist. This is the kind of thing they are expert at a fixing. Don't jump straight to drugs, just find out why you do what you do. There is probably a good reason for it all. You just need a little help sorting it all out.

[Tycho]

Maybe you're being too hard on yourself? Most people don't have the productive energy in the first place that leads to start-ups or side-projects or even perhaps new friendships. In fact the moments in my life where I feel really inspired and enthusiastic about something (usually leading to greatly increased productivity) are few and far between. Sure I'd like to have more of them, but I don't think I could ever make that the norm. Sounds like for you, those moments are frequent enough you believe they could be sustained indefinitely...

Otherwise I don't have much advice except do well for yourself and never be ashamed of it.

[rmundo]

Are you a perfectionist? Do you want to accomplish so many things your mind reels with the possibilities, but can't figure out which ones are worth the all out effort it takes for success?

Did you always think, "I've got some great things ahead of me", and now you ARE grown up and this IS the future and you're worried about what you have to show for it?

Maybe you want to have great friendships and do great things and all these seem to require so much energy and attention and so many steps to not mess up. If that's the case, I'd say try dialing back, focus on enjoying the journey and less on the result, because really there is no guarantee that the results will be awesome.

You say people respect you for many things but that you have a "terrible" problem with discipline and focus, something I suspect most everyone has. Maybe you're just giving yourself too much pressure and need to take it easy for a few months? Since you're still in school, have a chat with a psychological counselor on campus. To me it sounds like you might be temporarily stressed out or burned out from the efforts of your previous startup.

Peace.

[Damnit]

Did you always think, "I've got some great things ahead of me", and now you ARE grown up and this IS the future and you're worried about what you have to show for it?

Yeah, did my first relatively successful startup in high school. Got into one of the top incubators(may be even YC). Have many people that would kill to be me. And yet, they don't know about the monsterous rut my life is plagued with--mostly because when I do get my "mojo", I am super productive and successful(even if just for few weeks or months).

I am very hard on myself and hate drama. Yet I find myself turning into that failure I never saw myself becoming and can never accept. Really, I cannot go a life as a failure. I still have plenty of belief that I can change--but it's taken a lot of hit in the last five years of trying and falling back to the same place.

Since you're still in school, have a chat with a psychological counselor on campus.

I'll do this. Last time I went to the school shrink, I was prescribed a pill but I never used the prescription. I got my idea for a startup and most of the issues went away(I got into the incubator; startup failed but still did relatively ok)...but looking back, it seems like it was only a temporary fix.

[swombat]

I know what you mean. I have similar issues. I tried to put together my advice in a series of articles titled "Hyperbrain user manual", some time ago. Hopefully you'll find some useful techniques there:

http://inter-sections.net/2008/08/28/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/01/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/05/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/11/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2009/02/23/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

Hope these help!

[euroclydon]

Definitely find a therapist if you have suicidal thoughts, but also consider spending some of your time with those less fortunate than yourself. This can add a lot of perspective. For example, John Vonier founded La'Arche http://www.larche.org/home.en-gb.1.0.index.htm , a set of homes where individuals with and without mental disabilities live together, and he firmly believes that the non-disabled benefit at least as much and probably more than the disabled from the relationship.

[carterschonwald]

I second (or nth) the see a doctor and talk about your focus and mood difficulties. The root issue of your difficulties might simply be a chemical imbalance of some sort (some variant of bipolar disorder (manias and lows) or inattentive adhd).

Go talk to a doctor such as eg a psychiatrist (get a referral from your normal doctor perhaps?) and be very very clear about every relevant anecdote in your entire life about your troubles. Mood/attention disorders can be very frustrating when unmanaged, especially since in many cases when you talk about difficulties that are ultimately due to such to most other people, their response is like "no biggie, just do it" or the like.

That being said, this is just one avenue worth investigating and many of the other posts will probably speak of much more likely applicable approaches.

But seriously, its always a good idea to talk to a doctor when theres nontrivial physical or mental distress that is evading solution.

[Gatsky]

Difficult to say much from a forum post... errors in self perception are probably a large part of the problem. I don't think you have a motivation problem. You seem to start lots of things. I have a motivation problem. I haven't started anything (let alone an actual 'startup') in a very long time.

One thing that strikes me is how long you last with what ever endeavour you undertake... 1 - 2 weeks is very short, especially for a relationship. I don't think that is enough time to genuinely lose interest. I take this to mean that either you didn't really want to do the thing in the first place or are afraid of something.

I don't think medicalising the issue is a good first option, as other people have said. You describe some depressive-like features such as hopelessness, loss of enjoyment, social withdrawal, weird dazes... but once you label this as a disease, it becomes very difficult to deal with it in other than a medical fashion. Having said that, if you are reading about suicide, I would get professional help.

I don't have any particular advice. It may be that entrepeneurial pursuits (which are open ended, with ill defined goals and little feedback) are not the right thing for you at this stage of life. I would also suggest you try something which places no pressure on you, and isn't encompassed by the failure cycle you describe. An example would be some sort of volunteer work, or a (team) sport/hobby. (A startup doesn't count as volunteer work.)

[mgkimsal]

I wouldn't rule out something medically not quite optimal with your brain and you may want to talk to a professional about some medication to help bring things in to a balance (you didn't mention that you'd done that yet or not).

Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion (as others note) but you can't channel it in to something productive for very long. It also sounds like you're trying to do this all on your own.

There are people who remain stuck in one routine for years or decades. You have the ability - probably a compulsion - to get in to new situations routinely. Believe it or not, this would be seen as an asset in many organizations. A 'presales engineer' position (if you're technical) might be a great position to get in to, as you're constantly getting in to new situations and people, most of whom you won't need to deal with a few weeks or months after the sale is made.

Without sounding trite, suicide isn't the answer. You've likely got quite a lot to offer. You're on HN after all ;) I hate to just say 'go get counseling and medication' - I think there's probably other things you can do outside of that, or in addition to that course.

I realize I don't know you much, except for what you've posted here, but I really don't think things are as hopeless for you as they may feel right now. I don't think I've had things as bad as you're describing, but I am known for an extreme inability to focus/concentrate on anything for very long. I don't tout it, but have worked on coping strategies over the years. Eventually I found a book by Barbra Sher (http://www.barbarasher.com) - well, she's got a few. Wishcraft might be a decent one to start with. It's free, and while a bit airy fairy at times, might help you to see things in a different light. I was first turned on to Sher when I was reading up on the problem of TMI (Too Many Interests).

http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#The_Too_Many_Aptitude_Proble... was the first article I'd found, which seemed to describe me to a T. I've since self-diagnosed myself with that 'condition' and went looking for info which would help me learn more about that. There's no 'magic bullet cure', but that bit of self-knowledge has helped me avoid situations which I knew would make me miserable, and have slowly forged a better, more fulfilling life (though even now, I keep changing my goal posts).

The biggest thing I learned from that little journey is that there's nothing 'wrong' (in an absolute sense) with that condition - it's just different.

If you'd care to discuss any of this further, please ping me at any time at [email protected] or 919-827-4724.

[Qz]

Wow, that Too Many Aptitudes thing is spot on for me. I've been struggling with that exact problem, every other month I'm a hacker, a fiction writer, a philosopher, a graphics designer, a jeweler, a social worker, a fashion designer, etc, etc. My latest effort has been just to accept that my interests will rotate and rather than abandon old projects, just come back to them when I get interested in them again, and hopefully eventually I will complete something...

[thesethings]

Thanks for the TMA link. Hadn't heard of that trait before in that language.

Have you heard of the Kolbe spectrum/ test?

It helped me evaluate my strengths/weakness a lot. It's unfortunately not free, which I think prevents it from attaining the credibility it deserves.

I really like the way it thinks: http://www.kolbe.com/ (No affiliation.)

It has a TMA-esque category It really helped me self-diagnose... and diagnose others, heh heh.

Basically it got me off of binary skill judgement of both myself and others. (Less "that person is awesome!" or "that person sucks!" and more about how job design is usually the issue, rather than people.)

[vincekrish]

Thanks a ton for the TMA link. It was like reading a manual about myself. I have been struggling with my job choices ever since I started working 3 years back. I find it difficult to fit into the system, and I find myself questioning authority all the time. Somewhere down the line I realized that I am able to perform at my best when I am put in an environment with very less restrictions and I have the freedom to make strategic decisions. Being given a list of specs and then coding to the specs is just not my kind of thing. I have often felt confused about my career decision to be a programmer due to this reason.

Just like the OP I find it difficult to sustain my interests for a long time. I have been trying for my own startup for the past one and a half years. I start on ideas with very high initial enthusiasm, but in a few weeks I have given up on the idea and jumped to the next exciting one. Looking back on the last one year or so I feel disappointed with myself for wasting possible opportunities. But many thanks to the OP and all other good HN'ers for throwing more light on this issue. I feel I understand myself better now, and i'm going to approach my interests with a new sense of purpose. Thanks again.

[Damnit]

Appreciate your kind words and the links! Thank you.

[honopu]

Hi, I don't really understand your lack of self discipline. I am going to probably go off on some incredibly poorly written tangent here, but please work through it; friend :)

The lack of focus and discipline is something i totally understand, and I think that it might be a product of your your readings if you have in fact worked through say the Kiyosaki books or equivalent. You had a taste of the high from doing your startup, you hopefully learned a whole hell of a lot and you really like that idea(that life) and that's fine. Maybe you were sold on the ideologies they sell, and that's great, they can be achieved, I promise. Maybe it isn't working out for you right now, but you are merely 23. I am 29 now, everything(literally) in my life has changed since I was 23. Education, housing, girls, friends, employment etc.

I think it boils down to a few things really, your entire ambiguity toward life is something i somewhat understand but something you should really address. I think you need to find something to work toward, be it a new start-up or anything. Just because you "failed" once it doesn't mean you'll fail again. Remember that :)

I think you need to simply pick something and get it done, something you can totally get behind.

Maybe you are avoiding something you need to do that you aren't doing? That has been my case in the past.

Also don't go through with suicide. I went through it with my dad a few years ago(he succeeded, after a botched attempt a month earlier).... It isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy's family...

I hope you take care and heed the other advice here, I just felt compelled to weigh in and seeing this phone number from another user here makes me feel a little better about writing here on hacker news.

[sliverstorm]

Your lack of focus on a particular thing sounds similar to the cycle I have found myself in. Discover, learn, master, get bored.

I have my own concerns about this cycle, but it does have an upside you can channel; I have been picking up new skills left and right. As an example, I am currently fixing up a motorcycle I bought for real cheap. My passion for mechanics has long abated, but I still find it mildly pleasant and I want the goal (getting the bike running). Because I was so deep into cars and motorcycles for a while, I am quite excellent at servicing now. I know exactly what to do without much trouble, which enriches my life by opening doors and extending the life of my vehicles.

Virtually anything complicated enough to be stimulating can work with this cycle. I am currently contemplating diving into nutrition. I'll get completely bored of food after a while, but for the rest of my life I'll have the skills and knowledge to tap into.

[zackattack]

Read up on Mastery by George Leonard. You seem to be describing a "hacker". I highly doubt that you truly master skills so quickly. Mastery should not be taken lightly. The actual process of mastery is consuming and immensely rewarding.

[justin_vanw]

I know exactly what this is like. I was about the same age as you when I started really getting worried about the same things you are.

If you do everything I say here, it probably won't make you a dynamo overnight. It will help you avoid backsliding, though. Over the next few years, if you are diligent, you will learn new habits.

Step 1: Throw your TV and any video game systems you have in the trash (or more sensibly, disconnect them and put them on craigslist so they are out of your house today). The whole point of startup culture is to give up some fun now (wait, working at a startup IS fun) in exchange for a huge pile of money later. You want to work 80+ hours a week, and probably have a girlfriend too. When does playing Xbox fit in there? In a few years, when you are the founder of a hot, funded startup, you can have an XBOX in your game room. Or you can play it now, and maybe the VC fairy will be impressed by your GTA skills. -- The point is, every minute spent fucking around is a minute you could be working or learning new skills.

Step N: The next time you are wondering "why can't I be productive", imagine a little bell ringing in your head. The bell is there to remind you to sit down and work. If you find yourself browsing reddit or hn or some other site, add entries to your hosts file so that you CAN'T browse those sites. Often the anxiety that keeps a person from being productive is at it's worst at exactly those times that you would otherwise be the most productive. Never visit any distracting site like that from your work area or from your work computer.

Step Na: Give yourself a little goal to accomplish (write it down) when you sit down to work, and don't let yourself get up to do something else (besides restroom breaks) until you accomplish the little goal you wrote down. When you do accomplish it, imagine another 'you' there, and see if that other 'you' would accept the quality of the work if you were an employee. Once you give the work a thumbs up, force yourself to take a 15 minute break. Go outside for a walk, call a friend, just get off the computer. Once you are comfortable with this micro-routine (say after 3 weeks of doing it consistently), check out GTD. Resist the urge to go full on GTD now, however. Most likely you will get distracted setting up notebooks and org-mode or other yak-shaving instead of getting actual work done.

Step X: Make an appointment with a psychiatrist that has experience treating adults with depression, ADHD and anxiety issues. It may help a lot, and it can't hurt.

[daniel-cussen]

You sound like me a few years ago. I since found out I have ADD.

You might have it too. You might want to get checked.

[Damnit]

Have the treatments worked for you? I've come super close to getting tested for ADD, each time resisting out of fear that it'll only be another temporary fix(in pills). May be I'm wrong reading stories like yours.

[mmaro]

Read P.J. Eby's "Thinking Things Done". It's unfinished, but chapters 1-7 are very good. You have to sign up for his mailing list to receive them. I found out about this from http://lesswrong.com/lw/21r/pain_and_gain_motivation/

Consider spending a lot of time alone, or at least outside any institution for a while. Hell is other people. It's hard for me to think clearly when other people's thoughts are an important part of my day.

Consider meditating. (See the recently posted "Mindfulness in Plain English"). I just started, but I'm already getting the same euphoric level of concentration that I get from programming.

[stretchwithme]

I second that. Eby's good and so is meditation.

If you really get into meditation, consider reading the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The religious elements don't make sense to me but he understands what mediation does for the mind.

[Loic]

If you read the literature, from ancient Greek to nowadays, you will find that every body is fighting the same thing at different degree. The main problem we all have on this Earth is that our life is relatively short and when we are comfortable enough to have food/friends/etc. we automatically start to ask ourselves, directly or not:

What do I want to do in my life?

From what you described, you have no answer to this question. You can see a psychiatrist, take some drugs, use all the GTD tricks or whatever, if you do not have this goal of what you want to do, this will only make the problem worse. You will be able to do a lot (in fact you already do a lot) but you will still have strictly no reasons to focus on anything.

So go, find a goal. Find friends who can help you to find a goal. Find strangers, too. Go meditate a week long. Do whatever you need to clear your mind and find 1 or 2 things you can do fully (your mind, your body etc.) for at least the next year (you are young, your life goal will change a lot) and do it/them.

You are lucky to ask yourself what is going on in your 20's. If you do not answer this question, imagine getting a standard job + family and then asking yourself the same question with 40... so, do it now and again on a regular basis.

We are all in the same boat and for most of us, the long term goal of our life is just a pleasant string of short/middle term goals with happiness on top of it.