Ask HN: What’s wrong with me

[aragorn2]

I see no point in living. I cannot get myself to do even the simplest things like shaving, taking out the garbage, cleaning the dishes.

I’ve accomplished nothing.

I feel sorry for the two souls I brought into this meaningless world. They will blame me for bringing them into this hell as I blame my parents.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

Edit:

It’s past midnight here and I have to go to sleep.

Thank you everyone!!!

Thank you for taking the time to comment and help me feel a little better.

[noonespecial]

You're depressed. Clinically depressed.

Those things you are feeling are as real to you as your own right hand, but they are lies your "broken" sensors are feeding you.

I know perfectly well that it doesn't seem like there is anything that can help right now, but listen to the advice the good people of this place are about to pour out in here and try it anyway.

It does get better. It really does.

I can say it with certainty because I've been there, all the way there, and come back.

[xkcd-sucks]

It never gets better, one just becomes used to it and good at managing it.

[curtisblaine]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder

Please, please, please consult a professional

[aragorn2]

Ok that fits me pretty much. I’ve been feeling like this for decades.

Thank you for your comment.

[wareotie]

A few years ago, without any previous symptoms, I wake up from a nap and everything looked gray.

I talked with my girlfriend about that (never with my parents, maybe I feel ashamed? ) and I talked with a professional. It helps a lot. Seriously. Go.

Few other things that work for me:

* Sleep. Man, just sleep. After two days without proper sleep, I feel like crap. Exactly with all those things that you said in mind.

* Food. No candies. Bananas are amazing.

* I fucking love coffee. But I tried not to abuse.

* Write things down. Tasks? Write them. Feelings? Write them too. Check tasks in a paper have something that helps me feel like I accomplished something. And try to do small tasks, break things into chunks. It's something very very very hard for me, but it works.

* Get angry. Really. Be mad at something. Be bordered by something. Hate something. And try to express those feelings (without being an asshole of course). Example: If someone sent me an email that I found stupid, I talk about that with my coworkers. I don't know why but makes me feel like I care about things.

* And disconnect. I used to be hyper-connected. Now I tried to minimize the number of things that I read, I don't use twitter either facebook anymore. If something does not add value to my life, I tried to avoid it.

[hello_1234]

Depression is a real disease. It should and can be treated. Stanford professor Sapolsky on depression - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

[Torwald]

Hey aragorn2, I read trough all the comments you made here as well.

Based on that I want to recommend to you the material of Stefan Molyneux in regards to two of his keywords: self-knowledge and peaceful parenting. He talks about other things too, but I don't mean those in regards to you.

I also do want to qualify my statement thus: I am not referring so much on his main points in regards to those two topics, but more the subtler points he is making.

For example, in peaceful parenting he has an eye on how things are hereditary. It is this detail, how he observes this, that I think is helpful to you. Not so much the parenting topic in itself.

[darrelld]

National Suicide Hotline: [phone]

I don't know the extent of what you're going through, but it can always get better.

[aragorn2]

Thank you kind soul. I don’t think I am suicidal.

My father did that to us when I was 17. I will not do that to my kids.

I am just so tired.

[Koshkin]

The world may be meaningless, but it existed billions of years before you were born and it will go on for billions of years after you. Explore it while you have your chance.

Indeed, the world has no meaning without people, including you; each brings his/her own meaning to the world, but usually it comes down to love (for someone or something), i.e. it is love that gives meaning to life and the world in one's eyes.

If you love your children the world is not meaningless.

[aragorn2]

It’s strange... I do love my kids.

I don’t know maybe I care too much to the point where some fuse in my mind breaks, bringing it to some strange dull state...

[hungerstrike]

Go somewhere else for a week or two. Sometimes you have to change your environment. If you can’t go on vacation right now, start going somewhere else after work instead of going home right away. Maybe go to the gym in the morning.

The first time you do something is the hardest but it gets easier after that.

[krzjn]

Ask yourself: "If I could instantaneously become whoever I want in this world, what would it be?" This may require a lot of reflection. For every answer you come up with, ask yourself "why?" and look for bigger end goals. Think about what you want to do toward yourself, your family and friends, your community, your career, and recreation.

If you're having trouble coming up with anything, reflect upon your idols from real life, alive or dead, and from stories who have inspired and motivated you. Try this exercise: Commit to writing your stream of consciousness for 3 pages a day. Don't judge, erase, or cross out. Just keep writing whatever comes naturally to mind, and if you choose to keep it afterwards, they're for your eyes only.

Once you know who you want to become, ask yourself "What do I think I can reasonably achieve in this lifetime? What goals will help me to become this person?" When the end goal is in mind, it is easy to figure out what to do next. Ask "What are the next three things I can do now to work toward my first goal?" Do them immediately. Then starting the next day and each day forth, take one step of any size toward your goal, little by little. There are no deadlines, and there is no rush. Remember that it takes 21-30 consecutive days to create a habit where it'll become automatic.

Set yourself up for success. Set small, easily achievable goals and work your way up. Commit to a few minutes instead of hours. Let your motivation take its natural course, and allow yourself to stop for the day when you're not in the mood. Focus on 1-3 goals at a time to avoid splitting your attention. For every milestone you achieve, celebrate and congratulate yourself, then immediately look onward toward the next goal. Reward yourself regularly for taking steps and achieving goals because you're boldly taking action to change your life.

Don't count or dwell on the failures. They say nothing about your future. You are in full control of your actions now in order to shape the future. Failures tell you what you will do next time to be successful in that situation. Stay focused on achieving your goal. Decide afterwards if it works for you. Remember and tally the successes. Imagine yourself as having already achieved your end goal vividly each day. It doesn't matter where you've come from or who you were yesterday. It matters more who you want to become and where you are going.

Most importantly, HAVE FUN!

Suggested Reading:

- Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz

- The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz

[raarts]

Many people who are depressed are like that for a physical reason. This is often hereditary. You might need medication.

Visit a professional to find out if this would help you. If only to help your children.

[NKosmatos]

Do you have someone to talk to? Call a friend/relative/coworker you feel comfortable with and get it out of you. Then please get some professional help. Keep in mind that nowadays many of us feel shit and depressed like you do, try keeping your mind occupied with something else if it helps. All the best.

[aragorn2]

Thank you!

[Jugurtha]

Is it okay if someone broke into your house and harmed your kids really bad. Did this thought get to you? Do you want to beat me up for bringing this? I hope so.

Please seek professional help. You might see no point in living, maybe someone can help you see differently.

[aragorn2]

Someone breaking in and harming them is a real posibillity, I know. I’ve been through the war in Balkans.

Just another example of the senseless world we live in.

[andymoe]

Nothing is wrong with you. You just need some help: 1-800-273-8255 You are worth it. Please talk to someone. I do every week and it helps. Email in profile if you want to chat but please call the number.

[aragorn2]

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

I am not in the US to call. I am sure we have a number for a similar purpose.

I’m reluctant to call - I do not know how it will help. I can imagine all the arguments; why I should be happy. Why I am worthy. I’d been telling them to myself for a long time. I’ve just stopped believing in them.