Ask HN: I'm a total jerk, would you hire me?

[archivist1]

Here's my portfolio: https://github.com/crislin2046/portfolio

You can see how arrogant and up myself I am.

But I've also clashed with all previous bosses I've had, so clearly, the problem is not them, it's me.

What should I do? Give up? Kill myself (kidding, totally. Jerks never self-harm).

I don't want to give up who I am, but I am the problem. I thought I'd have made my own successful business by now so I wouldn't have to face the situation of being an unemployable, awful jerk, but here I am.

Tell me HN, what do I do?

[DanBC]

It depends what you mean by jerk. But no, I probably wouldn't hire someone who is a jerk unless there was no other option and we'd put in place a bunch of controls

There are two main problems with people who think they're brilliant jerks.

i) They're jerks

ii) They're rarely as brilliant as they think they are.

People have this weird misconception that their work stands alone, independent of them or anyone else, and so it doesn't matter if they're a jerk so long as the work is good. This is wrong. When you're a jerk you lower the quality of other people's work.

For example, a jerk doctor is less safe than a non-jerk doctor. https://www.civilitysaveslives.com/academic-papers-1 And https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar?q=civility+patient+safe...

> Tell me HN, what do I do?

Work out why you're a jerk; work out why you think it's acceptable to be a jerk; work out how to fix it; then fix it.

[archivist1]

I guess in addition to what I've already said in the comments, I've refused to work in some projects because it would have conflicted with other IP I have created. I think that makes me an awful selfish jerk.

[meiraleal]

Where does your impression of been a jerk come from? You could not find it in your portfolio much less in this (humbly) post.

Now about the question, without talking about yourself, we see jerks been hired all the time, and not fired, because:

1. they are brilliant and the tradeoff is worth it 2. they are protected by someone

the first one is acceptable (as a boss and as a colleague) if it doesn't trespass some limits. The second is always awful.

[archivist1]

I'm not brilliant. I guess my impression of being a jerk comes from some women calling me that when fighting about relationships, and from the way some other people treated me as if I deserved bad treatment. I thought why are they treating me like that? Oh I just must be a jerk, that's why they're acting like I deserve this. finally it's my answer to why I've been rejected at final interview stage many times despite having good (not brilliant) relationship and engineering skills. I knocked back a few jobs because I didn't like the tooling, but mostly I applied to hundreds, got interviews with 10% and rejected by most at interview or coding task stage. so I guess the more complete picture might be I'm a jerk with poor engineering skills.

Thanks tho for being the one person questioning the assumption, I appreciate that.

[sandwhichmole]

Given two individuals of identical competence, one a jerk and one not, I contend that the non-jerk is the superior individual. Therefore, by being a jerk, you are being an inferior version of yourself.

[netman21]

The first person I ever fired was a jerk to customers on the phone. He was truly brilliant. We are friends now and he is super successful as a consultant doing mostly data stuff. You will eventually find a place that fits who you are. That might be a cell, but what evs.

[archivist1]

is your experience with incarceration personal? what's that been like for you?

[mtmail]

Seek profession help if you don't like your own behavior and would like to change it.

[arthurcolle]

The links don't link to the original repos. Tried clicking on bepis and it didn't go to the repo.

[archivist1]

fixed

[onreact]

When you're too smart, unique, megalomaniac to get a job you probably need to work for yourself.

Entrepreneurship is also the better option compared to wage-slavery. Self-employment is somewhere in the middle.

Try working for yourself and when you succeed headhunters will flock to you anyway.

[deanmoriarty]

Can you give a few examples of what you mean by jerk, and how exactly did you clash with your ex bosses?

[archivist1]

1. there was a guy who came from big companies at the remote startup I worked at. it seemed to me he made so many standup meetings to confirm his own importance, and because process was what he was used to. I pushed back against that need. also after the first six weeks of unquestioningly obeying everything in code review I began offering my own suggestions. he just blew up, later picked a fight with me and made it seems like my fault and got me fired.

2. at a previous job an obese boss with back problems asked me to give him back rubs and I refused.

generally I feel I push back against anyone who uses their position to push others around for the sake of power, instead of for the goal.

that let me clash with bosses i think.

I guess people have called me a jerk, treated me like one and I've been rejected at final interview stage many times despite having good skills at code and relationships so I assume it must be because I'm an awful unemployable jerk.

[archivist1]

clickable Link https://github.com/crislin2046/portfolio