Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
1094 points| trendingwaifu | 4 years ago
As time went on, I started feeling less excited about everything, personal or work related. I used to be excited about new technologies, but not these days. I feel like I've seen most things before, and it's all just different iterations of the same. I increasingly wish I could go back to my 20s. Now I feel too old to go to festivals, bars and clubs and make new friends that way.
This has been a recent change for me. When I was ~30 I still considered myself young and able to do anything I could do when I was in my 20s. But not anymore now. I feel like my time for everything is running out. Have you been through a similar thing? How did you deal with it?
[+] [-] alangibson|4 years ago|reply
The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see.
The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust.
What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily at first because I wanted to stay mentally 25 forever. Now I see that getting married and having a couple of kids was the right thing to do. It forced me to become more flexible, more deliberate, more focused and have more stamina to do hard things
I'm a loner by nature, so I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't settled down. I just know it wouldn't be as good.
Once you've got those roots down, life will lead you to what you should do next. Maybe being a full time parent, maybe learning to sail, maybe more successful entrepreneurship. Who knows...
EDIT: I don't mean to imply that everyone needs a family. What's important is to start living for others to some degree. Hedonism has famously bad diminishing returns.
Some people choose to do lots of volunteering or switch careers to social work. There's lots of options.
[+] [-] mikewarot|4 years ago|reply
You're not too old to have a social life... that happens once you're in a nursing home, and have worn out the good will of the staff. Up until that point, there are always new friendships and relationships to be had.
Going out to parties and drinking until morning is a lot harder on you than it was, that's a normal part of growing up. There are plenty of other things to do that are far more rewarding if you give yourself time to grow into them (and Covid rules don't prohibit them)
If you need a hobby, I suggest machining. Challenge yourself to make 1000 of some everyday hardware store item, like a 1/4" 10-24 x 2" screw, Flat head. You'll learn a lot of interesting history, and grow to appreciate the supply chain, along the way.
Note: Outside of the US, maybe some M8 Torx screws instead? You'll learn about Rotary Broaching, or cold heading, along the way.
[+] [-] hownottowrite|4 years ago|reply
Don’t worry. It gets better. This is all part of the process of life.
My recommendation is that you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
I’m 52 here. I was a prolific programmer in my 20s. A go-go marketer in my 30s. For the last 10 years, I’ve run a business that I love with two partners who have taken advantage of me at every turn. The last two years neither has worked and yet they get paid.
Do I feel lost or depressed? Absolutely not.
I love life. I have an amazing family to whom I am utterly devoted. I volunteer for stuff. I do cool things every day. If I feel bored, I make things with my hands or engage in other creative pursuits. I focus on the moment and others more than anything else and all the rest just goes away.
How is this possible? I’ve filled my life with reasons to live.
In fact, I have so many now that there is no room for worry about what I have and haven’t done. And in doing so, I realize that none of that matters anyway.
My mom died at 52 after taking a header down a flight of stairs. My grandfather died at 56 after getting stabbed in the belly by my grandmother (she was psychotic).
Our naked existence is laughable. Everything can be lost in an instant.
Dive into the why and you can deal with any how.
[+] [-] dr_faustus|4 years ago|reply
1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of your life. So finding that person will keep you occupied for 2-5 years.
2.) Get kids. Having never imagined to be a father and now having three kids, I have to admit I always feel sorry for people who don't have kids. I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. This might be complete bs but certainly floats my boat. I got my "finding meaning in life" completely covered by getting those three buggers into a good position for their life. That will keep me busy for the next 15 years.
3.) Don't take your job too seriously. There is Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates and Henry Ford but for 99.99% percent of the people here on HN (me and presumably you included) what you do in your work life will not really matter for generations to come. It pays the bills, it should be interesting enough not to bore you to death, you should have colleagues that are in their majority "friend material". That's it.
I always imagine my live as a pizza with three slices: personal (some sport, watching movies with friends, reading books, etc.), family and work. Ideally, each one should be about a third of the pizza, ie. have a third of your attention and time. There are times when this is not possible but it should be the state you are striving towards.
[+] [-] hughrr|4 years ago|reply
Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on:
1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marathon now.
2. Social contacts. Get out there and make friends. In my case i signed up to Meetup and just attended random stuff until people stuck. This usually involves hiking, pubs and bars, restaurant nights out.
3. Invest in experiences. Go travelling, do new things and learn new stuff completely away from your usual area of expertise and comfort. So I’m usually desk bound in the middle of the city but a few weeks back I’m standing on a mountain in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night in the middle of winter doing celestial navigation course. It was amazing.
All positive, fulfilling experiences in life I have found require putting yourself in unusual and uncomfortable positions. Life where there is no normal but it’s not bad abnormal is where the fun is. Doing those things together with other people is where you make meaningful lasting friends and relationships too.
[+] [-] KineticLensman|4 years ago|reply
My father died when he was 59 and had lifestyle-limiting illnesses for the last decade of his life. Bearing this in mind, I went down to a three-day working week aged 56 and then fully retired two years later. I’ve looked after my health but six months ago had an unpredicted episode of Ventricular Fibrillation for genetic rather than lifestyle reasons. I was fitted with an ICD and quickly got back to my physical health but under UK law had to surrender my driving license and I’m now stuck waiting for my application for a new one to work through our bureaucracy.
On balance I wish I’d fully retired slightly earlier.
Coming back to other points that are made here, I found in my last few years at work that the technology was ‘same-old same-old’ and that I found working with talented youngsters (sometimes as a formal mentor) the most rewarding part of my job. Perhaps I was just lucky, but I helped four younger people to go past me on the corporate ladder, and in turn they all looked out for me later on. I was also able to work in an environment where I was viewed as a principal customer-facing techie, rather than having to remain totally corporate. This in fact reduced my career-development options (as I was out on site with the customers rather than being highly visible to my bosses) but I viewed this as a positive.
[+] [-] johndill|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] elzbardico|4 years ago|reply
About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when I've got 40.
[+] [-] swat535|4 years ago|reply
One thing that gets missed often is spiritual health. I believe it's as equally important as physical and mental health. I'm not advocating for extremist religious dogma but at a minimum, I think one should figure out their belief structure one way or another. I recommend to give this matter some thought, research various religions, philosophy and history and make your own conclusions.
On the subject of social contacts, the biggest thing to realize is that our world is shaped by our minds. This means that how your perceive yourself and other people will have a huge impact on your ability to connect with others.
If you constantly see strangers as a threat, or as judgmental people, or "label" yourself as antisocial/timid/unattractive, etc then other people will unconsciously pick up on it. Humans have mirror neurons and can read micro expressions, we are social mammals after all. As a side note, women are _really_ good at this, don't be fooled! you can't _fake_ it! The only way is to actually feel good inside and clear your heart and mind..
Best of luck to OP!
[+] [-] imoldfella|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] baxtr|4 years ago|reply
I would add reading. That has helped me a lot to calm down.
Re health: I recently discovered a great blog with in-depth articles about how to lose weight: https://physiqonomics.com
PS: Don't get distracted by the seemingly arrogant profile picture. His content is really good.
[+] [-] mucholove|4 years ago|reply
My life has picked up so much momentum after that.
A failed relationship left a hole in my heart and existence. A failed business also sucked—but much less) Health is the first foot forward.
And sports with people is probably the best way to go! (OP you have the cash for a trainer. Do it!)
[+] [-] trdtaylor1|4 years ago|reply
Join the movement and push for a cure for old age. There's no reason for us to die beyond things that should be correctable through medical science. The sooner we have this breakthrough, the better for everyone. Multiple different organizations and groups currently support various means and methods of achieving this goal. I myself plan to start local advocacy and even throw my hat into a federal primary just to have it listed as my candidate position.
[+] [-] janwillemb|4 years ago|reply
I was lucky to make new intimate friends as well around that time, which also really helps feeling connected. Exercise you just do, but for friendship you need some luck.
[+] [-] canyon289|4 years ago|reply
The downside for me was I absolutely neglected my health because work was more meaningful than basically anything else, relationships, fitness, family. Focusing on fitness, when I left the company I realized how terrible my health situation was. Lots of late nights, lunch at my desk, and lack of physical activity took a huge toll.
Getting to a healthier state fixed all the usual stuff, but also unexpectedly gave me mental happiness and has made me a better data scientist as well. I wrote a blog post detailing out why desk nerds should very much consider taking on healthy habits, and it brings me so much joy to see others here have seen similar results as well.
https://ravinkumar.com/WhyFitness.html
[+] [-] Beltalowda|4 years ago|reply
I think a problem that a lot of people struggled with, especially those in their late 20s/30s that haven't quite settled down yet, is that corona has made this a lot harder (depending on region) in the last few years. Same on point 3 actually.
Fully agree with your points though; after breaking up with my girlfriend (whom I met on meetup btw) a number of years ago doing pretty much exactly these thing really helped me get back on my feet and went from "I feel like shit all the time" to "I have great new friends whom I do fun new stuff with, a girlfriend, and generally feel pretty darn good" in a matter of about two weeks.
Right now it's a lot harder though, and has been for a while, since both are much harder where I live, which has translated in various problems including feeling more or less like the OP is describing.
[+] [-] slothtrop|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Drdrdrq|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] mr_tristan|4 years ago|reply
While most of us working in tech tend to live pretty cushy lives, but, we are surrounded by silly frustrations and limitless distractions that can sum up and become pretty stressful. Learning to spot, "I'm getting stressed" and finding some way of mitigating this is really important. It changes your mood dramatically.
Interestingly, the three things the parent mentions are actually all good ways of mitigating stress.
A second note: you don't have to do "running" or aerobic exercise if it ain't your thing. I see a lot of people think "exercise" means go running or biking, something aerobic. I tend to think, if you need music to get you "in the mood" to work out, it's probably not your thing. Just experiment. I eventually found olympic weightlifting. I'm now significantly fitter than I was in my 20s as well. The best exercise is the one you feel inspired to keep up with naturally.
Finally, learn to experiment without needing to be "amazing". Just do it for the fun. The whole "Get Back" series about the Beatles was eye-opening for a lot of people, mostly because of how mundane it really was. I don't think McCartney or Lennon ever sat down to write a "profound" song, they just scratched an itch, over and over again.
[+] [-] husamia|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] istjohn|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] readingnews|4 years ago|reply
I have years of experience, not 1/5th your savings, have not traveled and now I am actually too old for "big company" to hire me. This is not said for you to fell for me, go feel good about yourself. It sounds like you did a lot. Figure out now what makes you _feel_ good inside and pursue that (you know, unless its spending all of your savings on vices). Time is running out? Come back here and say that twenty years from now. I think life was just starting for a lot of people when they hit 35.
[+] [-] xwdv|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] amznbyebyebye|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] goodpoint|4 years ago|reply
Please don't dismiss OP so quickly. One person can very well be lost *because* they are in the 1%.
Things like starting a career and putting your abilities to test can be a huge motivator. Once you reach such goals live can suddenly turn meaningless for many people.
[+] [-] gernb|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] talkingtab|4 years ago|reply
Where to go? For me, the answer came about from wondering what I was capable of becoming. You are not a programmer, or painter or duck or politician. You are capable of becoming anything - well almost. Art always made my heart sing, and while I am not a great artist, I now believe almost everyone can be at least a very good artist of some kind in some form. It is who we are - to sing or paint or write or whatever. And how can you find out if you are the Van Gogh of knitting unless you try?
And yes to the physical side of your being. If you have never done the equivalent of running 15 miles, or hiking up a mountain, or hiking a hundred miles then you just are not getting who you are. (Scaled of course to whatever is a "mountain" for you.) Go for it. [edit change year to room]
[+] [-] zafka|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] _ywdj|4 years ago|reply
Some places I'd recommend looking for guidance/inspiration/support:
- Writers/speakers on topics relating to "the meaning crisis"; people like John Vervaeke, Iain McGilchrist, Rafia Morgan and Jonathan Pageau. There are some good video interviews with them and others on the Rebel Wisdom YouTube channel.
- Consider a men's group (assuming you're male; equivalent groups exist for women and other identity groups); I've been in a local chapter of Evryman for the past couple of years, and others I've known have been in The Mankind Project. These kinds of groups can be a great way to connect with other men who are seeking meaning and encouragement to achieve better life outcomes. I've seen some amazing transformations in the men I've known to go through these groups.
- Don't think you're "just depressed". While of course it's possible you could have a clinical condition, and it's worth exploring that and seeking treatment if need be, don't let people tell you that feeling lost in this world is merely a sign of depression. It can be a very healthy reaction to notice that the world is pretty messed up and to feel that there must be a way to find a more fulfilling life path.
Also, feel free to contact me (email address in profile). I'm thinking about starting a new kind of community for people who are looking to heal and grow.
All the best to you.
[+] [-] FourthProtocol|4 years ago|reply
And so I live trying to being aware of each passing moment, and thinking about how I might better use the next moment. I have a personal web site on which I wrote down every major event in my life, and when I feel low I read that. I've achieved and done a lot. And I want to do a lot more. Mostly much more loving. In the both carnal and (obviously seperately) paternal senses.
I have hobbies I love - I did not pick one randomly because one should have a hobby, but because I truly love building those things. Creating something I recognise as beautiful is rewarding as f•••.
I also keep fit and healthy and take some pride in having lasted so many years without gaining weight other than muscle mass. I've done a variety of drugs, I've broken the law, and I'm ok with all of that because I think I've loved more people than I've hurt.
All these things... there's no meaning or other weird existential shit that comes of it. Other than being at peace with myself, my place in this fleeting existence, and enjoying as much of it as I can, while I can.
In parting, try sitting in a meeting and if there are women in the meeting, watch how men just talk right over them. And then interrupt those men, turn to the marginalised woman, and tell her you found her perspective interesting, and would she mind terribly repeating her thoughts. This is a probably hugely incoherent ramble about how I have learnt to actively try to get past what you describe. Some days are rough, most days amazing.
[+] [-] Digit-Al|4 years ago|reply
Secondly, stop trying to define your life by "achieving". I know this is a difficult one, I'm still (sort of) struggling with this one. Achievements are ephemeral. Only an incredibly tiny minority of people achieve anything really significant, and even then those significant achievements often only touch a small minority of the world. It helps to bear in mind that about 99.9999% of the worlds population have no awareness of your existence.
The problem with trying to achieve something awesome is that either you never manage it; in which case you are left permanently unfulfilled and with a sense of failure; or you do achieve it, in which case: what then? You are suddenly left having to find another goal.
I think it is better to just find small ways to enjoy your life and work as much as you need to support those interests.
I am 51 and I still go to see bands at pubs regularly. I know people in their 30s right through to their 70s who are still going out watching rock bands. Hell, I know a couple guys who play in bands and their mum, who has just turned 90, still goes out to see them play and likes a dance. I also go to little festivals with friends who are all in their 50's and 60's.
If you are feeling too old when you go to bars and stuff you are probably going to venues that have a younger crowd. Look around and you can find plenty of places that are patronised by people that are a similar age to you. Many of those, both male and female will be single and probably feeling some of the same things you do.
Finally, don't feel alone in this. There are vast numbers of people who feel similar to you. I am single and have been for a very long time, but just recently - completely by chance - have sort of stumbled into something promising. I also handed in my notice at work recently and finish at the end of the month. I am taking a year off to just enjoy myself and am very excited about it.
Good luck, and don't beat yourself up about stuff. Just remember, we're all a bit lost and stumbling through life the best we can :-)
[+] [-] gexla|4 years ago|reply
- As a child, you feel special. At 35, it's as if you have been out so far from receiving presents from Santa that you sort of cross the heliosphere into interstellar space. You're no longer special. You're no longer the future in this society which has drilled into us the idea of (if you're from the US) American exceptionalism. It's now your turn to do meaning making for others.
- 35 is the breaking point for carrying the old structures which defined your identity. The above plays a big part in that tipping point. You were in a cocoon, which was crafted by society to get you to this breaking stage so that you could create your own reality. The entire time, you were changing. 35ish is the point where things start crashing down.
- Along with the above, there's often another event which helps tip you over. Loss of a relationship and a job will usually do the trick.
- Once you emerge from the cocoon, you're like "WTF?" Where am I? Who am I? What do I do now? The answer is, you're now free, do whatever TF you like! Though this isn't an overnight change. It's the start of a learning process to live in this new existence. It's like you have been born and have to figure out how to walk again, except you have to do this while paying rent.
Maybe not everyone goes through this. But I sure did!
[+] [-] matwood|4 years ago|reply
> Secondly, stop trying to define your life by "achieving".
It's easier said than done, but once I started focusing on the journey instead of the destination everything became much more enjoyable.
I used to get angry when something would not go to plan, but now I view it as a good story in the making. Bugs being discovered in code are now fun problems to solve. I power lifted for years and learned to enjoy the grind because I might go months before being able to add weight to a lift. Now I train jiu-jitsu and instead of thinking about some end state, I focus on enjoying the suck when getting smashed. Even something simple like raining outside. I don't run to my car, I purposely walk and enjoy the drops on my face.
It may sound silly, but this focus on the journey and being comfortable being uncomfortable really changed me for the better according to my friends and SO.
[+] [-] altgeek|4 years ago|reply
Definitely agree here. When you look at it from a "midlife" angle, let's use some round numbers. Let's say that life is really kicking into high gear as you finish college at ~20yrs old. Make another guess as to the mortality event at ~80yrs. A 60 year diff, so 20+diff = ~50 as the midpoint. You're only halfway there and there is an infinity of experiences and things to learn out there.
As many have surmised, if you are having trouble getting out of bed to face the day, you could be clinically depressed.
[+] [-] Grustaf|4 years ago|reply
But it's understandable that you're less excited about things, at 35 you're sort of programmed to have a young family. As you age that gets increasingly important. I still love extreme sports, travelling etc but compared to my kids it's just laughably pointless.
So use your financial freedom and take a year to get in great shape mentally and physically, train, travel, read and socialise. At the end of that you'll have no trouble getting hitched, and to be honest that's what matters, no matter what "voluntary" singles will tell you.
I know I will be downvoted for this but it's just the truth. I sacrifice my score in order to help you...
Feel free to email me btw if you want to talk about it, I've gone through very similar periods and know what it's like.
[+] [-] runoisenze|4 years ago|reply
So I made changes. Big changes. Rearchitected my life, if you will. They were not easy. But I’ve learned a ton over the journey. I miss the old life, and I’m grateful for this life I made, worlds apart from where I was before. And I don’t think about how it could have been, because that’s not how it is.
Now I’m in a similar situation again. I’m evaluating what changes I want to make. I think a lot about where I’ve been and where I want to be in 10 years, which helps me shape my decision making.
But it’s the little voice inside that I have to pay real close attention to before I make any big change. When I feel out of touch with that little voice, I know I need to work on my spiritual connection.
It’s not an easy place to be feeling lost, out of place, not sure what to do. I know that feeling very well. I was feeling it yesterday like a ton of sand weighing on my soul.
But today’s a new day. And I’m feeling alive. Thank you for your post, and this chance to think through my own decision making. Carpe diem!
[+] [-] stavros|4 years ago|reply
I have the same feeling, and it's astonishing to me how quickly it happened. I went from feeling in the same age group as 20-somethings to feeling like their uncle in a year. I doubt I changed so much externally, but I'm amazed at how abrupt the change was.
It wasn't just a few things being out of place, then some more, then some more. I went from "I belong here" to "I don't belong here" basically instantly.
[+] [-] jpetso|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] throwawayben|4 years ago|reply
I saw a therapist for 2 years which helped a little and got me to the point where I realised I needed to get out of London, as it felt impossible to build deep relationships.
So I recently moved to a much smaller city and am making new friends and connections here and trying to build these relationships much deeper than I have in the past. I think it's helping but when I'm home, alone, the malaise begins to return.
I've also lost pretty much all my enthusiasm for tech lately, so I've gone down to a 4 day week, though I often feel like I'm "wasting" the extra free day off.
However, one of my new friends here is going through a coding bootcamp and talking with them about tech makes me feel enthusiastic again, so I'm considering how to move to some kind of teaching/tutoring role. I've volunteered as a mentor for bootcamp students, to get a taste, but that's not started yet - I shall see!
[+] [-] fullstackchris|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] prea|4 years ago|reply
- Health. Covered already, but I'd add that you don't need to be in marathon shape. Just hit the basics: sleep, exercise (walking is enough!), diet. It's easy to feel things are ok in any of these dimensions but actually be out of whack.
- Do things with your hands. Humans develop insofar was they learn to manipulate the physical environment around them. This is one of the tenets of the Montessori pedagogy, but I found that it doesn't just apply to kids! I feel _great_ when I install a toilet, paint my living room, fix the car. There's just something about physically doing stuff with your hands.
- This one is hard to describe...I took inventory of my 'philosophical operating system' and realized that I was organizing my life around something without legs. In my 20's I was heavily influenced by stuff like '4-hour-workweek' (lol), the gary-vees, the pg essays, etc. It's not jut practical advice...it's a philosophical system and worldview. When I looked under the hood, it was all spaghetti code. It couldn't stand up to more cogent and complete philosophies, which I found literally down the street.
[+] [-] domatic1|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] mancerayder|4 years ago|reply
In a high cost of living area, there are two tiers of human being:
1 Those who have purchased a home before the insanity, and have a stability around their housing location and costs.
2 Those who are renting.
A few scenarios. Let's take the 500K figure and the number 2. Number 2 can't quit their jobs to climb mountains and do yoga, because inflation is running hot at 7 percent and in a high cost of living area, that 500K will be depleted rapidly.
The Number 2 can't even take a PAUSE from their tech jobs, because hiring managers see gaps in CV's as red flags. Another red flag is simply being old. So Number 2 MUST continually jump from job to job.
The feeling of excitement about things comes to play in the question of whether one has a choice in the matter; you work in tech because it pays well and you can be house secure. If you can pause and come back, then you can explore yourself and career options. If you can't pause at all, then all you have are therapy or drugs to tolerate the hamster wheel of tech worker life.
500K is a lot on a global scale, it's in the top percentage of the world. But in the HCOL areas (SF, Seattle, NYC), 500K is, unfortunately, not 'enough' to be secure. You can be secure for a couple of years, but unless you put your belongings in storage and spend time in another country (another country that isn't Europe, also expensive), you will deplete your savings AND be an unemployed middle age (35 is too young for that, but 40 is not too young for this risk) person.
One can do all the yoga, clean living, therapy and child-rearing (all the suggestions below), but no one is addressing 'housing security'.
[+] [-] bitxbitxbitcoin|4 years ago|reply
Why people don’t consider this option seriously is a different consideration entirely.
[+] [-] jtthe13|4 years ago|reply
[+] [-] curiousgal|4 years ago|reply
Seriously though, I take special pleasure in helping people directly. Giving to charity helps but getting to know people and giving a hand directly is even more rewarding I've found.
[+] [-] ironslob|4 years ago|reply
Technology bores me mostly, even though it's what I'm good at. I feel like time is running out to do something, I just don't know what that something is. It's really tough to figure out what you want to do, and how you go about doing it.
BUT you're not alone! Speaking to friends, and possibly to a therapist, will help you to process the feelings that you're having, and may help to take steps forward. I'm trying to find enjoyment in tech again, but if I don't then I'm going to go find enjoyment in something else - likely something drastic, knowing my history! Ride a bike, go on holiday, join a club, read a book. There's so much out there, it's about being brave enough to go and do something different.
At least that's what it is for me.
[+] [-] jpetso|4 years ago|reply
Perhaps you have an offline community that could benefit from some kind of automation, like generating tax receipts from a PDF template or organizing their resources and processes in a way (website?) that's useful for members.
Perhaps you're passionate about user freedoms, you explore an open source desktop environment and related apps but you find that it's still lacking in usability, stability or features. You dive in to make it better and in addition to doing good things for society as a whole, you also form bonds with other members of that developer community, first online, later at in-person meetups.
Perhaps you have an interest in mentoring and learning from each other, so you find like-minded people in your town. It could be coding meetups, pair programming sessions, conferences and presentations, helping tech noobs find their way into the industry. You might learn a bit and also pass on some of your own knowledge and experiences.
Either way, people-focused tech provides a different kind of fulfillment than tech for tech's sake. Worth a shot if you hadn't already tried to make it a focus!
[+] [-] jbkiv|4 years ago|reply
This is depression. Seek medical help. Find a good therapist to talk you. Get 10-15 sessions. Find the root of the problems. But the most important thing to do is talk. Don't go to social media, HN, or whatever. Bars, concerts are to be avoided. When you are there you'll get the feeling that you don't belong.
Medication can also help on a temporary basis until you find that you can get back feelings you had in your 20's.
The worst thing you can do is nothing. It will not go away. If it does, it will come back.
I guarantee that after you seek medical help and handle that with a therapist you will gradually feel more excited about life, there are so many wonderful things to do, experience and good people to meet.
Good luck.
[+] [-] rubidium|4 years ago|reply
You’ve got plenty of time. What you need is connections. Who/what/how is up to you, and talking to an understanding person about it (parents, lifelong friend, pastor, therapist) would probably help more than us all here.