Ask HN: What do you do to recharge after a day of work?

[alihm]

Hi HN,

Like many of you I want to be able to enjoy my evenings after work by either reading books, spending time with friends, learning something new, working on side projects, workout, or running errands. However, I'm typically way too tired to get myself off the couch on most days to do anything and unfortunately I cannot take a nap or sleep to recharge. I'm only able to consume easy to digest content in this state. This was both the case with WFH or going to the office.

The other day I took a shower after I got back home and it was extremely recharging. I've been forcing myself to walk into the office which gives me a separation between work and home and also forces me to walk 30 mins to and from the office which is a great daily exercise.

What have worked for you that allows you to recharge after a day of work so you can use the evening for the activities you like to do?

[jraines]

If, aside from tiredness, you are physically able to work out, then you must do that first. It sounds like you’re off to a good start, plus the shower to “mark the boundary” is a good idea. Yes, all suggestions are YMMV, but personally I’ve found it’s just something you have to confront and accept as you get older (I’m 39): you’re going to either hurt from working out or hurt from not working out, so might as well do the former. And specifically for the reason you’re getting at: general energy levels. While you’re still going to feel sore and tired from working out, your mind will be a little sharper and net-net you’ll have more physical energy & executive function as well.

Diet is probably also a big factor but I’ll let others (likely) expand on the other two standard prongs of this genre of advice (diet & sleep).

[ali92hm]

A couple of years ago I switched my workout routine to the first thing in the morning. While I don't like to be tired from that during the day, it's the only thing that has worked for me.

[tootie]

I've never found working out to do anything but make me more tired.

[osamagirl69]

>I'm only able to consume easy to digest content in this state.

I have fallen into this cycle many times, my advice for if you are feeling tired is to give up that sort of content for a few weeks. In the time when you would [watch tv, game, browse reddit] just sit on the patio and watch the clouds go by (maybe with a single beer or glass of wine if you are so inclined) and let your mind wonder. It can be excruciating at first as you overcome your addition to mindless content, but after you get over that you can finally let your thoughts be free and actually relax. As you get into the rythm then you can start to shift to more productive activities like going for a walk or cooking or blogging or whatever, but the first step is to break the addiction to mindless content.

[WaffleIronMaker]

I can recommend this. I've felt like frequent internet use makes people feel they cannot allow themselves to be bored. It's much easier to pick up reddit/youtube/whatever than to sit in silence.

In the words of Bo Burnham, "Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime".

However, that's the thing with recommendation algorithms: They always recommend you use their site. They never suggest, "Hey, you should really just relax for a bit", even when you really should. You have to make that choice for yourself, and its way more difficult when you're used to using entertainment media.

[ali92hm]

That's a good suggestion, I'm gonna take a shower and force myself to just lay on the couch or bed without any devices.

[plekter]

Kids.

That's it, really, and I love it. Nothing makes me snap out of it like being assigned a role from Paw Patrol by my two year old, and going off on some rescue mission. It's pure bliss.

[t0mas88]

Absolutely. Kids can be physically more tiring because you're carrying them often, they create a lot more household cleanup kind of work and sometimes keep you up at night. But playing with them, reading them a book etc is such an amazing way to relax and disconnect from work. Really makes me instantly relaxed and happy just doing something simple like putting her to bed and reading a story together.

[ali92hm]

That's nice, unfortunately not an option for me.

[traeregan]

Around a year ago, just before turning 40, I started a 5 day a week body weight / calisthenics-type exercise routine, and in December I started learning how to skateboard (mostly transition / ramps, not flip tricks).

Skateboarding isn't without fairly regular minor (so far anyway) injuries, but both have been really great ways to disconnect after work.

Skateboarding, especially, is one of the more humbling endeavors I've taken on. It's hard, there's no faking it, and work is the last thing on my mind while I'm doing it.

Exercising is great too but, sometimes, I still find myself glancing at work stuff on my smart watch or phone in between exercises.

Good luck finding your "thing(s)"!

[rkimb]

I have had the same experience picking up cycling during the pandemic - work is the last thing on my mind while pushing hard up a steep hill. Cycling comes with occasional injuries too, but is certainly less impactful than other forms of exercise. It's always encouraging to see (and often, be passed by) a much older cyclist, shows that this is a hobby that can be enjoyed for a large part of your life!

[joeman1000]

Much respect for taking on skating. I bought a board and was gung-ho to get into it (at age 24) and got super scared the first time I had to bail off the board downhill. Haven’t ridden since then!

[throwawayboise]

I'm always slightly puzzled by the people who bring their phones into the gym. I leave mine in the locker. Disconnect and focus on the workout.

[ruh-roh]

When I had a train commute in the before-times, the one thing I really leaned into was the train ride home. It was about 30 minutes. I used that time in a variety of ways - reading, podcasts, napping, meditating, drinking-a-beer. I let my mood dictate, I intentionally didn't over plan it. Just no work. This naturally let me slide into the non-work/dad/husband version of myself. More often than not, this recharged me, and I'd be in a good place when I walked into my home.

I admit to struggling with this with the pandemic and full WFH. I'd find myself working early and late, answering emails after hours that I really didn't need to, etc.

My solution? I bought a super cheap treadmill for my office, with a stand for my laptop. I don't really run on it. I get on it in the morning and walk for 30 to get my day started, 30 at the end to close it down. I think I still do a little too much work during this time, but it's generally prep for the day, pruning my todo list, checking out tomorrow's calendar, and so on. It's not the same as the train, but it's a lot better than having no boundaries.

[ali92hm]

Thank you for your suggestions. Yeah, as soon as our offices were open I started going in. I'm a huge fan of having that separation, getting out of my apartment, and in general seeing other people in the office. Not deliberately planning your time is a great idea.

[robotastronaut]

Shower. I work from home, so the ten or fifteen minutes of shower time lets me relax my focus enough to settle into family time. Sometimes I bring a cocktail in there with me.

[ali92hm]

Honestly I didn't think showering to be so effective. Question for you, do you also shower in the morning? and if so do you shampoo/body wash in the evening? I already take a shower in the morning and kinda have dry skin, so I don't typically wash myself in the evening and just enjoy the water time.

[caeril]

Get blood work.

Check your testosterone, fasting glucose, insulin, estradiol, cortisol, and CRP.

If any of these are out of reference range, or close to the boundaries thereof, fix them.

If you're fat, lose weight.

Chronic lethargy usually has physiological reasons, the two most common ones being insulin resistance and low testosterone. Get them checked.

[ali92hm]

I'm actually going for my yearly physical and will ask for a blood work. I typically do that once every two years but doesn't hurt to check them again.

[Mikeb85]

Go for a walk. Meet up with friends. Have a date night with the SO. Work out. Have a drink (this one not every night though).

You basically just have to force yourself to do things. Also, don't work too hard. Don't care too much about work. It's easy to get stressed out and kill yourself working but that doesn't help anyone because you can't do it your whole life. Force yourself to pace your work and have work-life balance.

[whoknew1122]

I typically play video games for a couple of hours, hang out with my partner, and then read in bed.

But the thing that helps me the most is looking critically at my job and figuring out whether that's the best thing for me. I'm an introvert, and I find training groups of people really draining. Being engaging with 30-50 people is really taxing on me. So I do it less now, and thus find myself having to do less recharging on a daily basis.

[ali92hm]

I'm just too mentally tired to even do that

[epicureanideal]

It may be that you’re working so hard at work that you’re exhausting yourself for the time you have outside of work. Especially if you’re using caffeine at work to push through when a caffeine free human would’ve been unable to continue.

[ali92hm]

Yeah, I've limited my caffeine consumption to only in the morning. I really envy friends who have the same type of demanding jobs and still have energy left for other things. They're probably genetically blissed and have more stamina.

[fifticon]

I agree with most of the suggestions. Apart from doing something physical after work (even the commute), I try to leave a gap of 2-3 hours relaxing,before I pick up mental activities again. I.e. the interval between 16 and 19 I use to unwind, before engaging with something taxing again. Ive been mentally alert from 8 to 16, so my mind does not like if I continue straight into an engaging hobby after work. When I was younger, 20 years ago, I could get away with it, but now at 50, i feel the punishment rather quickly when i violate it. Another factor I struggle with but recognise, is not to engage too much after 2030 or so. I sometimes do so, but I invariably feel like I have been working overtime,by the next morning (which is what it is, in effect). Basically, its about learning to recognise and be aware of your energy budget - before 30, it doesnt exist, but gradually it becomes a very visible thing, when you fail to manage it. Your alcohol consumption, your late night tv or gaming, your lack of exercise, they all demand payment from you, whether you are aware of them or not :-/

[ali92hm]

Amen. I'm in my late 20s and I feel that. In college I used to be a bulldozer, and now I really feel the consequences of not eating healthy, sleeping well, drinking too much, etc right away. Have you found anything to make your sleep more restorative? It seems like as we age getting a good night sleep becomes harder.

[AnonHP]

Not working too hard and certainly not being exhausted by work at the end of the day everyday, through the year. That’s what I do. It seems like your job isn’t the right one for you. I’d suggest changing that to something less demanding. You only get 24 hours a day and a specific range of energy expenditure (physical, mental and emotional) to play with. Trying to do a lot with life and “work/life balance” doesn’t work. Something’s gotta give.

Once you find a different job, you could focus on cultivating and nurturing (note the words used) a routine before work, during work, and after work. If there aren’t clear boundaries, the cycle of being exhausted will continue. The routine could be showers, cooking, cycling, working out at home, running, yoga, meditation or activities you do with others or anything else.

I know I speak from different circumstances, and it may not be possible for you to change your job. If that’s true, then you need to reconcile yourself to this life. Don’t get swayed away by pretty pictures of people who “have it all”. It’s all a mirage that hides the ugly parts in public.

[aunty_helen]

Ahhh these threads. Nothing brings hacker news together like giving strangers free advice on their health and well-being

[kazinator]

> I want to be able to enjoy my evenings after work

Look around; are there little people identifiable as "children"?

If so, that's almost certainly it; get rid of the things and you will see a huge difference in the evenings.

[Fire-Dragon-DoL]

Play videogames.

I struggle a little, because anything too "braindead" won't allow me to wind down, so sport is not good, my brain stays focused on the work stuff. Playing with kids has a similar problem. I love them, but sometimes it's too "easy" for me and so my brain doesn't relax.

Talking to my wife works too, but we need an entertaining topic. We spend 24 hours today together, so we run out of topic at times, for a few days, so backup solutions are needed. Videogames, kids, homes, life, work are all good topics though.

[hkt]

I've started going out on an ebike. Not too much effort but if I want to I can turn the motor off for a while for the exercise. The sense of speed with the wind cooling you as you pedal is a real pleasure. Half an hour does the trick for me.

Otherwise.. preparing food is a good way to mark the end of the working day.

It isn't perfect though - I suffer from the same thing. I'm less engaged with my own interests than I used to be.

[infinityplus1]

Procrastination. Just do less work today to get more free time for relaxation. Obviously depends on urgency of your work.

[ali92hm]

This is not a bad idea, but instead of mindless spending time online I should find a relaxing activity

[wnolens]

Is it physical energy or will/motivation?

If energy, then I'd question your sleep, diet, job stress level, then fitness level (in that order).

If not, then I'd question your device addiction/attention span degredation and then perceived value of alternate activities (i.e. do you REALLY want to read? Or just want to want to read?).

[ali92hm]

Well based on how I spend my weekends where I'm fully recharged and energetic to get shit done, I assume it's the lack physical energy. Cause when I have the energy and mental power I do the things that I want to do.

One difference is that if I actually had a real deadline I would deliver no matter how tired/exhausted I am, but I'm not sure that's sustainable.

[duncanc4]

For me the biggest change was to switch to working part time. I now work six hours a day instead of eight and don’t get mentally exhausted.

I have energy to work on my own projects or do whatever with the two free hours.

I don’t ever want to go back to full time, it’s so exhausting.

[grej]

I have a hammock set up in a grove of trees in my back yard.

After a tough day, I just like to go out there and lay in it for 30-45 mins, with no phone and no distractions. Just the wind rustling through the trees and the dog laying on the ground next to me.