Ask HN: I am 23. What's next?
I grew up by the city in the suburbs where you had your typical gang per neighborhood and cops cruising around the area at all times. Drug deals were a regular thing during class time and it was likely that if you followed in your parents footsteps you would be pregnant at 17 and potentially graduating high school with a drug problem. Most of my friends fell victim to drugs in one form or another, so I learned to steer clear of most of that stuff. Plus my dad told me he would kill me if he ever found out (little did I know he had his own problem with it all).
My parents split apart, but before my dad rolled out he set a solid work ethic in me. That or I realized home wasn't the greatest place to be around and decided it would be best to make money while disconnecting from my "family". I started work at 14 changing oil and found the ability to make my own money was the most liberating experience ever. I made a point to ditch the required high school work forms and limits and cut a deal with my boss, 30+ hours and I would make it work. During the summer I put in well into 50 hours as much as I could and enjoyed life.
Fast-forward a couple years and I am in high school goofing around in a networking class. I was told before joining the class that graduating from this school would land me 16 college credits and 19 if I passed the certification. Call it what you will, but I found high school to be a joke, so I went to college at night starting in 11th grade and decided I would make the whole school thing go by as quickly as possible. During this time I continued to work full time, and volunteered at some tech startup doing Internet sales. I also did the usual teenager activities like going to parties, hacking companies in the city, doing graffiti and running from the cops.
Jump ahead 1 year after high school and I am working for a government contractor building circuit boards on million dollar contracts. I graduated high school early, bent the rules as much as possible and was the proud owner of an A.A.S degree in network technology. I later moved on to doing network engineering, but remained with the company for a year before making my next big leap. Meanwhile at home I was planning on moving out because the situation was only getting more annoying.
I realized that finishing my degree was critical to making any money, so I made that my top goal, but knew I would be bored doing nothing but school. You have to understand that at this point I had pushed myself far beyond my normal means and what once was difficult was now the "norm". Sleep wasn't required and all I wanted to do was work. I decided to go to a local college that took in all my transfer credits where a lot of the courses were online. I managed to re-write parts of my degree and pull 18 credit semesters while working the 50 hours as a security engineer while still having some sort of life.
I graduated early with my B.S in Information Assurance and managed to get a couple speaking engagements in the middle of that. I spoke at one of the biggest hacker conferences in Vegas, on career panels with college professors and offered my advice to those who asked or listened. Fast-forward some more and I have written articles for magazines, been offered crazy jobs with crazy money and have vacationed in some pretty cool spots. I have since fixed some of the issues with my family and feel as if I am becoming a more understanding person in regards to substance abuse and mental illness (things I have dealt with a lot).
Life and work are great and just in this year I have been to Canada, the Bahamas, Europe, California and Vegas. A lot of these were for speaking, some for vacation, but all of them great trips. When I got back I would tell my family how things went or what was on my mind. In some cases I wasn't too excited over everything and the comments my family made were more or less that they wish they had my life. It wasn't that I wasn't happy with all of this stuff, but it made me wonder if this is what people worked for. Was what I had someone else's dream?
I work at a university now doing forensic investigations and malware analysis. I could be making a hell of a lot more money else where, but I enjoy the people I work with and what I do everyday. I often stay late and base a lot of my life around doing things in the general area. Because I am staff, I get tuition benefits and while I thought I would never go back to school, I am thinking now it may be worthwhile since it's free. I am not sure if I want to focus on technology or if pursuing a degree in something else would be more of my thing. Either way, I think it would be nice to experience a little bit of the college scene I missed out on by rushing before.
Outside of work I race road bikes, workout a lot, am not too social, but keep enough friends around not to be terribly bored or alone. I go on several trips throughout the year and keep life interesting through funny experiences and the general mentality that life is about stories, not salaries. I know it is who I am to continue working like I do and to do everything I try to the fullest. I am excessive, easily bored and always seeking some challenge. I am far from being old or done, but there are times when I wonder if I will burn out. Will I work too much? Should I be doing more? Should I be doing things differently?
I guess the last thing I would point out is that I recognize I don't know everything and that I haven't tried everything. There is still a lot more I could be doing and a lot I could change both around me and within me. The "being a better person" aspect seems to take longer than changing what I'm surrounded by, so I hope this doesn't come off like a poor me, help me out sort of posting. It should be instead interpreted as someone who has done a decent job for being 23 and wants help knowing how to make life even more awesome. Hopefully a few people will read this and understand the sort of personality I have which I think helps in these questions.
[+] [-] horofox|14 years ago|reply
Don't take me this the wrong way.... but I think you are full of shit. You are those kind of people(very common in HN's community also) that HAVE to think you are somehow special. You think that life is something you explore and conquer. Your life made you think like that and now it's time for you to release yourself from your stupid destiny, just like you did with the drugs.
Start reading more philosophy and literature... I know you are probably goal driven and there's absolutely no real goal in "reading". You just get to see things differently, with a diferent perspective and that will really help you.
Also, don't forget that days go by really fast, someday you will die. God might not exist and that might be your last chance to be yourself, so... who are you?
And please, make real friends and get a girlfriend: you will see how simple working and making money is, something hard is to make a person happy everyday(your friends, your girlfriend, the ones that you love...).
[+] [-] x0ner|14 years ago|reply
You are right that I am very goal driven, but I try and read at least 50 books a year. Most, if not all the books I read tend to be non-fiction, so I may benefit from actually opening up a classic or well written novel every now and then. For now I enjoy reading memoirs about the lives of ordinary people and the different issues they face. Those sort of things give me a different perspective on how to approach certain topics going forward and I find value in that.
I agree with your last one, but to seek out people in that way is not always the best form of doing things. Instead, I go out and try new activities. I make friends through those things. I talk with people when I am out and if something happens then great. If not, then it doesn't worry me too much.
I appreciate your response and despite it coming off a little hostile, there is value in it.
[+] [-] codeslush|14 years ago|reply
My feeling is that you're addicted to something else - and I would suggest that "something else" is much better for you than the alternative.
Is this it? Yes it is! Well... yes and no! You might be able to conquer the world - wouldn't that be great? :-) Your challenge isn't in what you achieve, it's in what you get satisfaction from. When you conquer the world, when you make your first million, when you do x, y or z... - that "high" will eventually leave you void, much like the void you've already defined, both within yourself and within your family. Your challenge will be finding peace and pleasure in the normal moments of life. Do you relate to or understand what I'm saying?
I wish you the best! Not in your achievements, not in your work, not in your studies - but in your pursuit of happiness for the rest of the moments that sit in the vast space between your low points and your high points.
[+] [-] x0ner|14 years ago|reply
I know exactly what you are saying and it is funny how you managed to sum up everything in my post to come to that answer. While I am not depressed, I do have points of being in a rut where I can't seem to find the happiness I would have thought to be associated with what I was working towards. Even when I do find the happiness in things, I tend to side with my mind in saying that it is not good enough. I can always be a couple seconds faster on the bike, always a bit smarter in how I structure my code, maybe find someone who is more of what I like, etc.
Last year I made the goal of accepting things for what they are and not what they could be. Reaching this will be a life long battle and one that tends to move much like changing myself and that is slow. This year was focusing more on my family and realizing that I need to accept that I can't change who they are. I can't make them better or worse, they are just themselves and I can now accept that. I imagine other parts of my life will fall in line the same way, but it requires a lot of effort.
I appreciate your kind words and your very accurate summary.
[+] [-] aestetix|14 years ago|reply
2. Don't be afraid to fuck up and keep going, provided you learn why you fucked up and don't do it again.
3. A good sign that you've done something really worthwhile is that at least one person is pissed off at you. A good sign you've done something really stupid is that a lot of people are pissed off at you.
4. Nobody has a clue about anything. Even the super popular speakers at DefCon. If someone tries to tell you they have a clue, it's because they haven't yet realized they don't.
5. Follow your instinct. If you are bored or unhappy, figure out what's causing it, and change that. Oh, and take more risks.
[+] [-] aaronbrethorst|14 years ago|reply
It sounds like you've figured out quite a bit about yourself at a surprisingly early age, had a chance to see a decent amount of the world already, and have had to grow up very quickly. In any case, find something external that really, truly matters to you. Know thine self, etc.
[+] [-] x0ner|14 years ago|reply
[+] [-] cannikin|14 years ago|reply
First, I'm a fairly proficient woodworker in my spare time in the garage (started about three years ago). Building a dresser from scratch involves a lot of the same problem solving challenges that I face as a programmer, but I'm building an actual tangible thing that exists in the real world and can't be destroying by a strong magnet. I feel like I'm actually making a place for myself in the world and doing something useful. I might build a chair that someone lives with for 30 years and then gives to their children, who then give it to their children. It's still makes me smile to think about.
Second, I've had a son and will hopefully have another in the next couple years. As sappy as it sounds, when you really think about it, having children is the meaning of life. We, as humans, are just our DNA's way of making more DNA. That's kind of depressing but also extremely amazing and awesome. And there are millions of kids out there that no longer have parents for whatever reason, so if you can't have your own then please please consider adopting. Any of the crap you do in your life, work or travel or building houses, none of it will mean as much to you as raising a kid. Again, sappy, especially at 23 when you probably couldn't care less about kids. But damn, the fact that you have another human being who you can teach about the world and will smile when you walk in the door...it's unbelievable. And the stuff I teach him about the world now will be with him the rest of his life. I've been a part of something meaningful that will outlast me.
tl;dr Find a hobby (or job) that actually has some permanence in the world, and find someone to love and raise a family with.
[+] [-] c_t_montgomery|14 years ago|reply
[+] [-] littledude|14 years ago|reply
It may seem normal to you and not a big deal since you kind of dismissed it but you did describe a childhood full of turmoil (gangs, drugs, parental issues). You might want to talk to a mental health professional about these things. Your childhood environment could have made a negative impact you're not yet aware of.
Other than that, try focusing more on doing things you believe is useful to the next generation. Feeling valuable to the next generation is hard wired into humans but often times ignored causing the well known mid-life crisis. You may have just gotten there a lot faster than the average person.
The things you do to aren't important it's the way you think about what you do. For example, most people do this by raising kids and feeling responsible for the process. Another option is to become a mentor to one/many people and share your wisdom and experience with others. Pretty much anything works even things generally considered superficial as long as you believe internally you're doing it to serve others.
[+] [-] noname123|14 years ago|reply
Good luck!
[+] [-] ulisesroche|14 years ago|reply
Does this quote not get you pumped up?
"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs." - Joseph Weizenbaum
How about you, let's say, write a computer game that will make people stay up all night, or an interactive fiction novel that they can't put down? But don't give up because it wasn't hard enough or whatever.
[+] [-] trbecker|14 years ago|reply
[+] [-] x0ner|14 years ago|reply
[+] [-] brudgers|14 years ago|reply
[+] [-] kleiba|14 years ago|reply
;-)