Ask HN: I'm disabled and out of money. Now what?
352 points| thrwtllwy | 3 years ago
I spent the 2010s as a founder. My company was funded by YC and several others. We were moderately successful but didn't see a meaningful exit. After my startup failed, I started consulting to pay the bills.
In 2018 I started having problems with chronic pain and gradually became less and less capable on the job. Consulting gigs were letting me go because I couldn't keep up. The last time I worked was over a year ago, and I finally exhausted my savings in early June 2022.
I live as cheaply as I possibly can at this point. I live with family and only pay for absolute necessities. It comes out between $1200 and $1500 per month.
I'm in the US and I have an application in for SSDI, but, from what I've heard, it's very hard to get benefits, especially if you have an invisible illness like chronic pain. It's likely that my application will be initially denied and I will have to focus on an appeal. It could take a year or more of fighting to be approved.
I am selling some of my old stuff on eBay but it's exhausting and frustrating given my limitations. It's not sustainable.
I have a car payment due soon and I'm already behind by one.
Worst of all, my life is pretty drab at this point. I am obviously depressed. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist but, fundamentally, the source of my depression is the state of my life. I have nothing to look forward to. I can't even afford to toss a few bucks into side projects so I at least have something to do with my time... I mostly watch TV, play video games and lurk on the internet. It's absolutely soul sucking.
I think, given the right environment, I could finish a weekly workload of a bit less than half-time and slowly re-learn how to work again even with my limitations, but no one wants to hire a middle-aged disabled person for part-time work. Further, all of my experience is in startups and that makes me less palatable to larger companies, but larger companies have more options to accommodate disabled people.
I don't know what to do. Has anyone in the HN community been here?
EDIT: A few people have asked what I’d like to do if I were to work again. The answer is that I don’t know!
Before I started having problems, I was a backend-centric web developer but I’m pretty burned out on that these days.
I’ve always wanted to get into embedded, but I have no idea if I can make a lateral move like that in my current state.
Whatever I do, it needs to be with someone who will give me the space to try and fail and try again. That’s really the main thing.
Feel free to EMAIL ME:
tyvm for the shrimp at gmail dot com
[+] [-] whitepoplar|3 years ago|reply
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jQtmSZetJM
- https://aaroniba.net/how-i-cured-my-rsi-pain
- https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/09/well/mind/john-sarno-chro...
- https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/well/chronic-pain.h...
[+] [-] calmoo|3 years ago|reply
Over the years I had been to 4 different physiotherapists, tried everything from regular core exercises formulated by Stuart McGill, to Infrared heat bands, climbing alot. It would always come back.
I picked up Sarno's book about 6 months ago and I approached it with a highly skeptical eye. My back pain is nearly completely gone. I have had very minor flare ups that last a day or two, but I just repeat a few mantras and it disappears the next day (whereas before the same kind of flare up would last for months).
I even had MRIs done at the start of the pain, I had multiple bulging disks and even a spine that appeared too straight. For anyone reading, don't let this discourage you. 50% of people who have had bulging disks appear in an MRI don't experience any pain at all!
Sarno's book has some pretty flaky theories behind how the pain manifests and the physiology of it all, but the overaching theme is that repressed anger / anxiety can manifest as severe back pain. Once you recognise this you can lose the pain. I never thought I would fix my back pain, but now I have.
Read the book if you're suffering!
[+] [-] throw6746|3 years ago|reply
https://web.archive.org/web/20101210060431/http://podolsky.e...
> Here is my summary of what I think is most important in Dr. Sarno's theory:
> 1. The mind and the body are linked. Classic example: the placebo effect -- your mind thinks it's gotten a pill that's gonna fix your body, and what do you know, believing that leads to your body fixing itself.
> 2. Not only can the mind-body connection lead to your body healing itself (as with placebos), it can also lead to the body harming itself, or creating pain.
> 3. Now why would your body do this? In my experience, people with chronic RSIs are, deep down, not happy.
Not terribly impressed, especially the last one, try to be happy when you have pain every minute, especially when you were happy beforehand.
From wiki:
> Sarno's most notable achievement is the development, diagnosis, and treatment of tension myoneural syndrome (TMS), which is currently not accepted by mainstream medicine.[...]
> Patients typically see their doctor when the pain is at its worst and pain chart scores statistically improve over time even if left untreated; most people recover from an episode of back pain within weeks without any medical intervention at all.
> James Rainville, a medical doctor at New England Baptist Hospital, said that while TMS treatment works for some patients, Sarno mistakenly uses the TMS diagnosis for other patients who have real physical problems.
[+] [-] dang|3 years ago|reply
How I Cured my RSI Pain - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1269951 - April 2010 (75 comments)
Lots of Sarno over the years:
https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&qu...
[+] [-] rlp|3 years ago|reply
From 2016: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12990976
From 2021: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26120633
[+] [-] honkdaddy|3 years ago|reply
>Sarno explains how your unconscious mind can provoke physical pain by manipulating your autonomic nervous system to deprive muscle tissue of oxygen. The book posits that the unconscious does this because of unresolved, unconscious stress that exists deep in your mind. By inducing physical pain, the unconscious creates a distraction that prevents this stress from becoming conscious. You can eliminate the pain by addressing the unconscious stress and becoming consciously aware that the pain is merely a distraction, thus rendering the unconscious's technique unnecessary and ineffective. The book provides specific methods for accomplishing this. I applied these methods and my pain disappeared.
Seems like it could be very effective, and something I'll keep in mind if I ever end up suffering from chronic pain.
[+] [-] 2OEH8eoCRo0|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] cpncrunch|3 years ago|reply
https://www.zoffness.com/resources
Curable is also a useful resource:
https://www.curablehealth.com/
[+] [-] anm89|3 years ago|reply
He basically says that your pain is coming from stress from psychological issues and what you need to do is therapy and Journaling.
I believed this nonsense in regards to my own back pain for a long time. Ironically my pain of 5 years started to subside as I gave up these beliefs although I don't think that was causal.
I had a physical injury to my neck muscles. It turned out what I needed was years of rest and pt to that muscle system. No amount of Journaling is going to fix real injuries
[+] [-] dataangel|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] skeeter2020|3 years ago|reply
A: Read this book.
Only on HN...
[+] [-] empressplay|3 years ago|reply
So while I agree the mind does play a part in chronic pain, it is not necessarily the only part.
[+] [-] m00x|3 years ago|reply
I read this book and it did nothing for me. I had actual medical issues, and I kept going to different doctors and physios until I found one that found the issue and solved it.
OP needs to go see a sports physio and neurologist.
[+] [-] debo_|3 years ago|reply
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50021854-the-way-out
[+] [-] fallingfrog|3 years ago|reply
So, let's say I'm skeptical when it comes to the "mind body connection".
[+] [-] sejo|3 years ago|reply
If you live with family focus your tasks maybe on easing their life, pull out 10 weeds out of the garden, take out the trash, fix a squeaking door. Small but attainable things.
Chronical pain is a mess, it's relentless and it's always there, it doesn't go away, but you learn to deal with it. Focus on the pain initially, learn what pain you have and focus on it. I learned to focus on it and make a mental note (do not know how else to say) that it's not worth paying attention to, and I get by without medication. It's not always easy and there are days where you want to cry and cry and just fall asleep so you do not have to feel it. It's normal and accept that not all days will be the same and successful.
It's a tough hill you are up against, but all shall pass and all will be well in the end. It's unbelievable sometimes, but all shall pass. Remember that.
Good luck, don't falter, reaching out is the first step!
[+] [-] LunarCamper|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] bartread|3 years ago|reply
No promises but, if so (and assuming you don't get plenty of better suggestions and offers here), drop me an email: bart PERIOD read THEALIKECHARACTERTHATISNTANAMPERSAND savanta DECIMAL POINT com.
I'm the CTO so have a meaningful level of influence but can also tell you that what's most likely to scupper us working with you, apart from a skillset mismatch, will be some BS about creating IP and taxation within a US state (or some other legal nonsense that makes it hard or impossible to work with you even though we are incorporated in the US).
I'm sorry I can't be more directly encouraging but do reach out if you're interested and I'll see if I can help.
EDIT: One other thing that might be useful to us, doable part time, and would I think sidestep any issues around IP creation. How are your management skills? And might you be willing to work slightly odd hours? E.g., afternoons, to cross over with the UK (obviously depends where you are in the US).
[+] [-] iamzaceffron|3 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] berberous|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ChrisMarshallNY|3 years ago|reply
He had been buying disability insurance, the whole time (he says it was pretty expensive).
It ended up saving his ass. He makes more money from the disability insurance, and SSI (It is possible to get it, if you have doctors. Many lawyers also help -for a percentage), than many folks make, working.
[+] [-] brianwawok|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] thrwtllwy|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] encryptluks2|3 years ago|reply
You know people on group disability policies can have to wait up to 18 months for disability while their disability insurance unreasonably denies their claim, and that the laws governing these plans don't actually allow you to collect damages but only the disability benefits you were actually owed in the first place?
It might be better than SSDI, but not much.
[+] [-] xyzzy_plugh|3 years ago|reply
I know of two folks personally, and many more folks second hand, who have battled to get disability insurance they are rightly owed. The insurance agencies will do everything they can to prove you are a fraud, like have private investigators tail you for weeks to collect photos of you doing things that people who are disabled obviously can't do. They'll go to your door to trick you into talking to them, they'll talk to your friends and family and colleagues and clients behind your back. They'll track your car.
Both cases I know personally ended up giving up on collecting insurance due to the full-time nightmare it required. One even moved overseas to get the insurance company off their back years later.
[+] [-] sethammons|3 years ago|reply
When I got licensed, they quoted to us saying that "you are 8 times more likely to need disability insurance than life insurance (and you are guaranteed to die!)." This is due to something like 20-25% of people needing disability insurance during their working careers and most people dying during retirement with not a lot of bills left behind.
[+] [-] eclipticplane|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] TimPC|3 years ago|reply
What might help you is looking for a job with part time responsibilities and part time wages and investing full-time into that job if you need to to keep up. If this is viable for a tech role you’re likely to easily afford your fairly modest lifestyle living with family. I know this sounds a bit depressing as you’re essentially taking on a full-time schedule for part-time pay but it’s better than not having a job at all. Other options include looking at work where pain isn’t likely to substantially impair your performance so that you’d be able to get things done. This may involve drastic pay cuts as well, but again while you’re living with family and have a modest lifestyle even a drastic pay cut from peak of the tech market can lead to affording what you need.
As far as therapists go, I’d be considering reevaluating the ones I’ve talked to if you talked with them about your dwindling financial resources and none of them attempted to find an adequate solution or tried to help you get back on track. If you haven’t mentioned it at all you may want to consider doing so if they might have useful advice.
If all else fails, cut costs aggressively. The lack of freedom from not having your own car sucks but it’s better than being bankrupt or cutting needed therapy (if a family member can drive you there). If cutting a car is absolutely impossible for your life then it seems essential to figure out what work you can manage to handle and seek employment in that quickly.
[+] [-] bonestamp2|3 years ago|reply
If you live within a couple miles of a cafe, then you can walk there and back everyday to get out of the cabin fever feeling, get some exercise, and change up your scenery for a boost in energy. I know a couple miles sounds like a lot, but you have to recalibrate your thinking to your current needs. When I didn't have a car, I used to walk 4 miles/day. Then I got a bike, no car payment or insurance. Then I got a car. Find your path back to what makes you happy. Chances are, that doesn't require a car.
Depression: It sounds like you've gone down the clinical route, so there's no need to cover that. From there, I'm not sure what your aspirations were in the startup world, but you might have to be honest with yourself about what is realistic and where your skills are now. Again, recalibrate your thinking and take it one step at a time. Your immediate task, besides your health, is to get a job that you can do.
Again, remote jobs are a plenty. What are your skills? Keep applying, keep working, eventually you'll find a remote job were the expectations are low and you can keep up. If we knew what your skills are, maybe there's even someone here who needs a part time person with those skills. Avoid startups and consulting, those are going to be high demand and that's not right for you right now. You've got this.
[+] [-] daguar|3 years ago|reply
What state are you in? I know you mentioned SSDI, but just to relieve some of the stress of getting by, you should try to apply for as many public benefits as you might be eligible for (SNAP/food assistance, Medicaid [medical care], affordable connectivity program [internet], Lifeline [phone.]) With little or no income, you should get some decent support from these programs.
For getting disability support (SSDI, or SSI), you might consider getting a lawyer. You're right it can take a long time to get this, but odds go up if you have a lawyer helping you. You can also contact your local legal aid which you may qualify for based on income.
In terms of jobs I'll do some thinking and see if I can post more. Are there any activities that you can definitely do without getting stuck due to your disability? There are definitely options for flexible computer work, and also things that are more phone-oriented.
[+] [-] kwatsonafter|3 years ago|reply
Don't lose hope! There are workable solutions to social problems.
[+] [-] unknown|3 years ago|reply
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[+] [-] flatline|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] poochkoishi728|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] titanomachy|3 years ago|reply
It helped a lot with my depression, and some people have found serious benefits with chronic pain. It seems to help people disconnect from the physical pain and not have it affect other aspects of their life as much.
If that doesn’t appeal to you, look for other changes that can enforce some routine in your life. Taking in-person classes at a college, joining a yoga class, meeting a friend for coffee every morning, volunteering at a shelter, cooking breakfast for your family every day… something that turns your focus towards others a little can be helpful.
[+] [-] therealdavesky|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] SkyMarshal|3 years ago|reply
https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-clinics/pain-manageme...
https://med.stanford.edu/pain.html
https://med.stanford.edu/pain/about/chronic-pain.html
Some years ago I developed chronic lower back pain from poor sitting posture. It was partially debilitating - not to the level yours is, but it significantly negatively impacted my ability to stay active and thus healthy and thus able to maintain peak performance at work. But I joined a Stanford clinical trial on lower back pain, and it cured me permanently, and they even paid me a small stipend for it! So I think it’s worth a try if you can swing it.
[+] [-] halo37253|3 years ago|reply
I'm a traveling controls engineer, systems integrator, it is not a easy life. I've had plenty of burnout moments, those 100hr weeks where you worked everyday just getting the job done. As that is what needs to happen when a scheduled shutdown of a facility that pulls in over a million dollars a day is non operational. Falling behind is not an option. Luckily for me I've had pretty good luck for the most part and have always been on top of things.
But issues do happen, like the electrician landing 120v to a analog card that the lead times for makes it unobtanium. And with that the old VFD's that relied on that card for a return speed reference. In those times using generic remote IO you had in your truck with a analog card can get things up and running, and make you look like a hero. But going without sleep to get it workin is not enjoyable. Anyone that knows AB Hardware and its shitty support of Modbus would know. Using a add-on you've never used, as you'd normally use a red lion in this use case.
My body aches all the time. and I always have a full work load. On top of three kids at home.
There is no excuse to being lazy. Even pain. Disability is min wage, it is a sad shitty life. My wife's mom is disabled, she has to live on what would be considered poverty wages. She doesn't do anything with her life, and she can't drive because of said disability.
Get to the Gym, get a job, get life back on track.
If you are done with programming, deliver pizza.
My best friend is a full stack web dev, but he too would rather not work as the idea of having day to day responsibilities is too much. He moved homes a year ago, and it still looks like he moved last week. Issue? he smokes pot non stop and gets by on minimal contract work while his wife bring in 80% of the income.
[+] [-] ad404b8a372f2b9|3 years ago|reply
If you can program elixir and you can settle for a below-market rate I can give you a few billable hours and whatever schedule you can accommodate with your difficulties. It's not a long term solution but hopefully it could help patch the leak in your finances.
[+] [-] mehulashah|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] cjbgkagh|3 years ago|reply
I guess my advice would be, do whatever is needed to make money, no matter how unpleasant, so that you can survive long enough to figure out what is wrong and get treatment. And don't rely on doctors for treatment.
[+] [-] hotpotamus|3 years ago|reply
The greatest TV show ever made (IMHO of course) was actually based on this premise, only the main character was a chemist, not a developer.
[+] [-] Arete314159|3 years ago|reply
It sounds like you've found treatments that help you, but if not the Center for Complex Diseases is great with both ME/CFS and hEDS. If you have spine issues due to hEDS there are some PT's in the Bay Area that specialize in craniocervical instability and related issues. Just FYI.
[+] [-] tashmahalic|3 years ago|reply
[+] [-] dmos62|3 years ago|reply
People who are willing to work with you, who you can help, even in the context of your handicap, exist. Find them. Be honest about your handicaps.
[+] [-] myshpa|3 years ago|reply
Tame the Beast — It's Time to Rethink Persistent Pain, Lorimer Moseley This 5 minute animation explains how pain works, how our nervous system can learn pain, and explains new approaches to help reduce an individual’s pain. (5 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikUzvSph7Z4&vl=en]
Best Advice for People Taking Opioid Medication, Mike Evans This 11-minute video is great for both patients and clinicians. It explains what chronic pain is, what we know about the benefits and risks of opioid medications, and how to avoid the pitfalls that can be associated with opioid treatment. (11 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Na2m7lx-hU]
Understanding Pain: What to Do About It in Less Than Five Minutes? This easy to follow 5 minute video about chronic pain helps individuals understand what current research has been saying about chronic pain - that it’s not a joint or muscle problem, rather a 're-wiring' of the brain’s perception of itself. (5 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_3phB93rvI]
Chronic Pain Self-Management Resources This document provides a list of recommended chronic pain self-management resources that might be useful for primary care practices and their patients. Materials listed include three provider workbooks/manuals, along with resources your clinic might consider suggesting to patients. [https://depts.washington.edu/fammed/sixbuildingblocks/wp-con...]
[+] [-] sixhobbits|3 years ago|reply
I used to do this as a side gig and collected some resources and places that pay here [0]
I have since started a technical publishing company [1] so it's a full time focus and most of our writers work 20h/week or less. Feel free to apply if it sounds interesting.
[0] https://github.com/sixhobbits/technical-writing
[1] https://ritza.co