Need advice

[needhelpca]

I need some serious advice. I'm a freshman in college right now and having some psychological/other issues. It's kind of complicated, so I don't really want to go into it. Part of it comes from being raised in a strict Asian family and pressure.

The thing is, I really can't take being in college anymore (mood swings, irrational fear, etc). I'm thinking about dropping out, even though my dad would almost disown me for it.

These psychological issues mostly arose from events in the past year, and aside from that I've been stable. I'm academically smart (2330 SAT, valedictorian) and I like programming. I've done well in my first-year math and CS classes at an Ivy school.

I'm wondering if dropping out would really ruin me like my parents say. I hope that I could drop out, pick myself back up, and build something from there. I'm a very hard worker and willing to freelance/open source/learn through books and online tutorials.

Edit: My fears aren't completely irrational, and they've been debilitating.

I just really need some advice and perspective here. Thanks.

[edomain]

I mean this sincerely- you need professional help. Don't make any drastic decisions until you speak to someone that can help you.

Your school should have healthcare resources available to you at no cost- you should start there.

Just call them up and say you'd like to schedule an appointment with a therapist. You don't need to say why- that's between you and the therapist- there is NOTHING wrong with seeing a therapist- oftentimes just being able to air your problems to a confidential source can be very liberating.

Please do talk to a professional- you'll feel better, I swear!

[jenius]

Certainly agreed with the above.

It's really frustrating to have issues like that - while you can understand and control logical things, psychology and emotion are not totally logical and are often out of our control. I'm sure as a smart and logical guy and a programmer this is something that you can connect to and that has kind of driven you crazy if you have thought about it.

There's no reason to be embarrassed to seek help - I know a lot of people and good friends who have done it and it has helped them a lot. Don't let your smarts and awesome potential go to waste because of an issues like these : )

[jburwell]

Based on the description you have provided, it sounds like you have psychological issues that need to be addressed. Before taking any action, I suggest you visit your campus health center. They typically offer free psychological counseling that may be able to help you address the underlying issues.

[paulsutter]

My dad always said that you should make choices based on the thing you want to -do-, not the thing you want to get away from.

When he was in college he got tired of math so he switched to biology. Well, that wasnt fun either. Thus the observation. He stuck with biology, began to love it, and became a great biology professor.

Life is too short to be in a hurry. You can waste calendar years flip flopping around (ask me - I should know). Take your time, make decisions slowly, make changes when you're sure. And choose the -right- thing for you, don't make decisions based on what you want to get away from.

Good luck. You're a smart guy. Slow down. You'll find the right thing.

[needhelpca]

I was planning to read a lot of source code, write a lot of code/contribute to open source, and study formal CS on my own. I think after 3-4 years I would have as much programming and formal knowledge as if I had stayed in college, and maybe more. I want to do this and would find it fun.

I'm wondering if the lack of a degree would hold me back significantly. That seems to be my parent's main worry.

[needhelpca]

This is kind of a fear related to financial aid. It's mostly irrational, but not completely so. And the little part that's not irrational has been bothering me a lot.

Thanks for the advice about the psychological help. I'll think about talking to a therapist. Apart from that, how serious would dropping out be? Just from an economical/career perspective..

[relaunched]

Here's the thing, most people out of college can't code in a way that is meaningful for entry level at a tech firm. You seem to have the aptitude to get there on your own, but lack the experience / knowledge-base to convince most companies that you are worth the 3-6 months that are required to teach you what you need to know. After all, they can always grab someone from the graduating class of a top school, that has your smarts and more formal education.

I can't tell you how many MS candidate resumes I've read (CS), where they've done tons of projects, but there code sucks. That doesn't mean they aren't really smart and won't be great in a few years, but not now. 400 line functions (poor OOP), poor commenting, inconsistent naming conventions, poor memory allocation...the list goes on.

Figure out your issues and work on them. I understand the debt concern, but your expected value of success and future earnings will be severely limited. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

[edomain]

Based on what you are saying, i think you should still speak to a therapist- they can help you think through problems you have. First you said other issues, now financial.

You obviously have a lot happening in your head- you need to be able to sort it out and think clearly- this is what therapists are for. I'm serious- this is the move to take. Talk to someone- they won't solve your problem but they will help you talk through it and oftentimes that is what you need to figure it out yourself

[relaunched]

Please seek help of a trusted professional. You have taken a great step in identifying the issue; now be brave and seek the help you need.

Whatever issue you are facing in college will surely come about again in life. Trust me on this, college is still very much NOT the real world.

Best of luck and there is no shame in getting psychological help.

[PonyGumbo]

First, seriously, go see a therapist before you make any decisions. The fact that this is happening during your freshman year is disgustingly normal - everybody goes through a period of adjustment at this point in their lives, but it's much harder for some (particularly kids who have parents with big expectations).

Second, you'll survive and probably do just fine if you drop out and self-study. Having said that, an ivy league education opens doors. I dropped out my senior year. I'm doing fine financially, but I'm certain that I could have done much more interesting things if I'd stuck it out.

Remember, your education is for you.

[needhelpca]

Thanks for the advice. I'll probably go see a therapist.

Since you dropped out your senior year, did you already have significant internship experience and contacts by then? Did that help you succeed?

[debacle]

Many serious psychological issues manifest in the late teens and early twenties. I was in an honors program in college, and I saw several students develop psychological disorders of varying degrees - it may not be because you are in college that you're having these issues. Schizophrenia and schizo-effective disorders , specifically, are known to develop in this age range.

[brudgers]

This is a health issue, just like any other.

Seek help on your campus or in the community or your family.

Don't make assumptions about your parents' reaction. Again it is a health issue, and your parents may be your best resource.

[adrianwaj]

there was an article today linking gut health with mental health, check it out: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/03/1...

Also, drop me a line if you want to work on a site I'm building (Django) .. could be useful for you.

[adrianwaj]

Maybe take a half-load of subjects and spend the rest of the time focused on what you enjoy.

[webbruce]

Yeah, definitely schedule an appointment with a counselor to talk it out

[yotamoron]

I think that applying to some real work places and test their reactions would do you good. If they are happy to take you onboard - cool, dropping out wouldn't be that painful. Sign up the contract before you leave Uni, softening the shock for your parents (Mom, dad, I quit Harvard BUT started working at Facebook). If, on the other hand, you find it hard to pass interviews - cool, your place for the next few years is in Uni, where you will gain some important knowledge and connections (but do try to have fun - after all, that's what really matters).

Most of us have been there - one way or another. You are not special or different in that sense. Life's hard (harder for some) and you might be needing some professional helping hand now and than (yes, some of us have been there - too), but ultimately - it's doable, even if there are times were all you can see is darkness.

As the great Leonard Cohen have said: I greet you from the other side, Of sorrow and despair. With a love so vast and shattered, It will reach you everywhere

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0KnDCVEcp8

Good luck !

[needhelpca]

Thanks for the advice. I'm not someone who's been programming for years.

I just took multivariable calc and intro CS (scheme) this semester. I'm wondering whether self-teaching is realistic, and whether employers consider self-taught programmers.

I can get access to books on CS/MIT online courses/Stanford online courses and study CS. And there's a lot of source code I can read and learn from. Is this do-able?