Ask HN: "I have my whole life ahead of me and no real ideas or passion like you"

[devinrhode2]

I'm 19, a dropout, moved to the valley, and am pretty happy with where I've gotten so far. I was emailing my old friend from college, now graduated, and in our discussion he replied: "I'm just not sure what I want to do, I have my whole life ahead of me you know, and no real ideas or passion to work towards like you have"<p>I'm not sure what to tell him. However, I did get the idea that the community here would have plenty of strong words for him, and that I could then point him back here to what seemingly strangers have to say. He's very bright and talented, and shamefully bailing hay back at his dad's farm. I remember getting him into making web apps when we were in college, he made some pretty cool stuff. He's even still exploring more languages.<p>Thanks ahead of time for anything you have to share with him.

[kfcm]

If your friend has any interest at all in farming/agriculture, tell him to stick with it, for a variety of reasons.

1) Farmers aren't considered tool old and unemployable when they hit 38-40.

2) If his parents own the farm, it's a family business, and one he can learn and take over. It is entrepreneurship at its finest. You do it right, you can make a really good living.

3) Like any small business, it can be a tough life. But it is rewarding and satisfying beyond measure.

4) At harvest time (whether grain harvest or livestock sales), you KNOW you're making a real difference in someone's life--they'll eat and live.

Of course, creating the ability to post inane comments and photos to Facebook, Twitter, HN, etc has meaning too. I guess. In some warped parallel universe.

5) The problems encountered by farmers are more varied across domains and complexities.

6) Farming/ag is becoming far more technical. There is absolutely no reason your friend couldn't also get involved in ag technology at the same time. He's already in the domain. And technology as a hobby in the domain you're in keeps it fun.

7) I grew up on a farm, had the chance to go into farming after college with my dad over ~25 years ago. As I look back over my life and career, I've come to the conclusion that was one of the worst decisions I've ever made.

But what can you tell a 22 year old college graduate who now (or then) knows everything?

Your friend has been dealt a really good hand. He needs to stop and look at it, and what it will be like 10-20-30-40 years down the road.

[mikecane]

There's nothing wrong with baling hay. If anything, it should free up his mind to think about better things. At his age, he has plenty of time to figure it out. Not everyone has to be at a starting line for someone else's race.

[chris_dcosta]

Totally agree.

A lesson in life however is that you will meet people with real potential, who just never make use of it. For a long time I had a couple of friends who I tried to encourage to make use of their talented lives, but in the end they made their own choices.

In fact I can recall one such chap - one of my closest friends since childhood, just dropping out of life altogether - I don't mean he killed himself, just consistently took the path of least resistance to nowheresville. It took me literally years to get over it because I cared for him.

My advice is just let people do what they want, don't take it personally as your crusade to set them straight. It's an impossible and thankless task. By all means be there for your friends when they need you, but don't try to direct them.

[clarebear]

The story you are telling yourself about who and where you want to be often answer the what to do question. I like both the "farming is a fine future" and the "hang around people with ideas" advice already mentioned here, but I think they are at odds. Farming is definitely a good and important profession, but it is very hard work. People may not look at you as unemployable at 40, but your body will ache with the required labor. Also, rural areas tend to be self-normalizing, and there is little ability to dream. Ask your friend how he feels in his community. Does he like going to breakfast with the other farmers at 5 am and gossiping about crop yields, seeds, and prices? Or does he miss the buzz of a city? If he doesn't know, invite him to come visit for a weekend to see how he feels. Sometimes you can figure out what to do based on where you want to be.

[antidoh]

Hang around people with ideas.