Ask HN: How to talk smart?

[youngtolearn]

I am always intrigued by people who talk smart. This could be James Bond, lead actor in 'the spy' movie ( forgot his name) or Kevin Spacey in HoC and many more... My current boss has somewhat similar quality about talking. All these people speak slowly and clearly, feels like they are doing calculated talk but always make lasting impression. Its not about winning or losing argument rather making the point, make other party think twice before they utter any word.

What can i do to aquire smart talk skill? Any books , podcasts I can listen to?

This skill is largely possessed by spys, diplomats, political leaders, executives but I cant find enough resouces to attain such skill and master it.

As always, obligatory thanks in advance for all responses!

[anigbrowl]

Learn to control your own emotions. This may take many years of practice. Meditation, martial arts, or many kinds of sports and skills can be good for this. You will think better if you keep calm.

Listen very carefully to others. Maybe you will learn something, maybe they just confirm your initial impression. Often people speak to express their mood, not to convey information. Also, when people talk very passionately about their opinions of other people, they are often speaking indirectly about their feelings towards themselves.

Never interrupt. Never contradict, Never insult. These are low-value tactics in a verbal conflict. By not using them, you make it much harder for other people to use on you. If other people interrupt, contradict, or insult you, ignore it. By 'contradict' I mean don't say 'No, that's wrong...' Just say the correct thing and stop. So if someone says 'wheels are square, everybody knows that,' just say 'wheels are round,' and stop talking.

In general, it's a good idea to say as little as possible until the other person runs out of things to say, especially if they're angry.

Repeat what other people have told you. Ask simple questions, ideally with yes/no or very definite answers. It will be much easier to tell if the other person is lying. Also, ask questions that you already know the answer to, in order to get the other person to follow the direction you want in conversation. this is a technique trial lawyers use a lot.

When you use these techniques in an argument, it's like you step out of the way if someone tries to hit you. The other person swings his fist - you move aside. You can lead the person where you want to go by the way you move. They waste their energy expressing anger or saying foolish things. When you speak, you are very careful to say only things you are sure about.

Avoid trying to jump ahead of the conversation to guess what someone really means or what their secret motivation is or anything like that. Often such guesses are wrong, and in any case it often doesn't matter.

Smart people are never afraid to say 'I don't know' or 'I don't understand, please explain' or 'I'm confused about ______.' If you make a habit to be honest about this instead of pretending to understand something you don't, you'll find it's hard to for other people to lie to you.

[meric]

What the parent comment said, plus there's a technique from Improv sometimes called "Agree and amplify", and when both conversation partners are good at it there is fun to be had:

If someone asks you if you enjoy looking at elephants in tutus and you reply with “no that’s stupid”. It really hinders the conversation and stops whatever momentum you have. If you don’t think it’s a really strong topic, try to accept what the person says and try to improve it. You can improve it by saying, “what about ninja’s in tutus? It would be a lot funnier to see them run around with pink tutus and trying to be stealth, don’t you think?

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q19tp/improv_clas...

I don't think it's the best example, but the author isn't James Bond so I don't expect it to be.

[personjerry]

Brilliant response above.

I consider talking and socializing key skills in life, it's a shame schools don't have classes specifically for these things.

In addition to the parent comment, there are many books to supplement the development of one's communication skills. Some that I've read and found useful include The Definitive Book of Body Language and How To Win Friends And Influence People.

[flashman]

There are some contradictions here:

> Repeat what other people have told you. Ask simple questions, ideally with yes/no or very definite answers.

and

> Smart people are never afraid to say 'I don't know' or 'I don't understand, please explain' or 'I'm confused about ______.'

My general advice is that people like talking, and 'being able to hold a conversation' often just means 'make the other person feel good by keeping them talking.' If I've been talking for more than a minute I'll try to dump the focus on someone else.

[patrickdavey]

Could you expand on "If other people interrupt, contradict, or insult you, ignore it."

Do you mean if you're in mid-sentence and someone interrupts you that you should continue talking as if they had not interrupted? I have someone I have to deal with who does this a lot, and I really struggle with it. I have pointed out the interruptions, and need to do so again, but interested to hear your point of view (as I really liked your points above)

[__Joker]

On the other-side, be careful about talking whenever you are angry or having strong feeling. Most probably you will say things which you never meant or will regret saying. Simply your emotions takes hold of you over your reason. Overall beautiful response, can't agree more.

[PopeOfNope]

> Learn to control your own emotions.

THIS. When this topic comes up, you can read everything you want about tactics and take to heart the entirety of "How to make friends and influence people", but none of it means anything if you can't keep your cool. All the people you mentioned keep an air of amused mastery about them. Having an irrational confidence in yourself helps with that. It's like they're amused at the idea that any particular situation, person or statement could possibly make their martini taste bad.

[carrotleads]

Thanks mate. This was helpful.

Haven't been born with wit and so I make it a point to observe those who have it..

[MichaelMoser123]

i am not a smart speaker, but what helps me is to take notes of the main point of argument; this helps me to focus and to address the issues that have been raised.

[Xcelerate]

LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN.

And actually pay attention.

It's astounding how much people suck at this simple task. Lately I'm beginning to feel like most of my conversations go like this: I'll begin talking with someone about a certain topic (that I clearly thought was important enough to share), and about two sentences into my discourse, the phone in their pocket buzzes. So of course they pull it out and start typing.

I pause.

"Go on, I'm listening," they'll say, waving their hand up at me from their phone. Doubtful, I continue speaking. But then some car outside honks and of course they have to turn around to see what all the commotion was about. Then they notice a cute dog walking by. "Oh! Look at that terrier! My friend has one just like it. I think I might get a dog soon." Then they go back to typing on their phone.

Again, I pause.

Realizing they're not going to prompt me to resume this time, I take the initiative upon myself and continue where I left off. After a few more sentences, I finish making my point and stop talking. And wait.

Then... nothing.

"...sooo?" I inquire.

"Uhh.. so what?" They stare back at me blankly.

"Sooo... what do you think about all that?" (along with an implied "I wouldn't have wasted my breath speaking if I didn't value your input and seek your feedback. Why else would I vocalize in your direction?")

"Um, uhh... I don't know. I guess you're probably right. Oh, by the way, do you want go to [random sports event] this weekend? Me and a few friends are probably going to go, and we can get tickets cheaper if we pay by Tuesday."

I worry that in a few more years I'll just quit speaking altogether.

[obstinate]

Another important thing is to know what is more engaging than a text message to your conversation partner. (If the answer is nothing, then maybe stop talking to that person.)

[ci5er]

> I worry that in a few more years I'll just quit speaking altogether.

Why would you worry about that? It can actually be quite liberating. The CEO will email me and ask if I would like to joint the rest of his staff in a pow-wow. I email back: "No". I haven't gotten to the point where I have stopped calling customers or investors back, but in general, this has been working out better for everyone involved.

[jcutrell]

I agree with you (overall).

Somewhat sad that you pulled sports into the equation as a part of the negative persona. Also, kind of ironic that you didn't pay attention to the sports event they invited you to. :)

(End sportsball shaming!)

[paragraft]

Consider that those fictional characters have professional writers doing all their lines. It helps a lot.

[aaronbrethorst]

You don't say whether or not you're a native English speaker, but...

    I am intrigued by erudite speakers. This could be Sean Connery portraying
    James Bond, Kevin Spacey in House of Cards, or many others both
    real and fictional, including my current manager. They speak slowly and
    clearly, with carefully chosen words that feel calculated, but they always
    manage to make a lasting impression.

    I'd love to be able to engage my manager in a style of speaking similar to
    his. How can I improve my skills in this area? Are there particular books
    I could read, or podcasts to which I could listen? And, as always, thank
    you in advance for your advice!

My advice:

    1. Spellcheck.
    2. Read what you write out loud to yourself, and edit anything that doesn't
    feel 'natural.'
    3. Brevity.
    4. Read more.
    5. Write more. 
    6. Try taking public speaking courses. Maybe check
    out your local Toastmasters group:
    http://www.toastmasters.org

[geowwy]

  > I am intrigued by erudite speakers. This could be Sean Connery portraying
  > James Bond, Kevin Spacey in House of Cards, or many others both
  > real and fictional, including my current manager. They speak slowly and
  > clearly, with carefully chosen words that feel calculated, but they always
  > manage to make a lasting impression.
  >
  > I'd love to be able to engage my manager in a style of speaking similar to
  > his. How can I improve my skills in this area? Are there particular books
  > I could read, or podcasts to which I could listen? And, as always, thank
  > you in advance for your advice!

Don't take this the wrong way, but that doesn't sound smart to me. It sounds like someone trying to sound smart.

[davismwfl]

Listen more, speak less. I can't say I have mastered it myself either. But what I learned in watching others that have that trait is they listen intensely and then respond appropriately with as few words as needed. I am working on the as few words as needed, but that's my two cents.

As for what to look for. Honestly, there are probably some books, but I don't have any recommendations. Instead I'd say, try speaking less, listen more and only say something when you have a point or a reason to speak. And try to be concise and to the point. That is probably 90% of the entire thing you are seeking.

[bonobo3000]

Its about 2 things - content and delivery.

Content - this is similar to what davismwfi said i.e what you're saying actually has to be smart, and directly address the topic very well. Don't beat around the bush, laser focus and say exactly what is required.

Delivery - This is about confidence. Speak slowly, calmly and clearly, keep an upright, open posture and directly look at the other person. Expect that the other person will listen because you have something valuable to say (and the content should match this caliber). Speaking slowly, taking up space with your body, eye contact - all of these things signal assertiveness/confidence.

You can work on delivery all the time, but don't expect to come off like Bond all the time because you have to know exactly what you're talking about, AND the other person has to believe that (very hard in subjective matters unless you've already established a great reputation) to pull that off. I think the delivery should match your confidence about the content - for example, if you sound super confident when you dont know what youre talking about people will eventually peg you as a bullshitter.

[Sharma]

Knowledge speaks.

There is no trick to become smart talker. Just attain knowledge in the domain you work or want to become "smart talker".

Once you know enough things about the topic you are discussing you thoughts will be clear and concise.

So your question should be: "How do I become an expert in xyz field so that everyone get a good impression when I talk?".

[bjwbell]

This!

There is no substitute for knowledge. Just look at Brendan Eich, if you listen to some of his interviews he exhibits few of those attributes the OP poster listed. But after listening to Brendan no one would doubt he is a lot smarter than you or me (at least on technical matters).

[Frondo]

Something I haven't seen mentioned here yet:

Write.

Write essays, write long blog posts, write 500+ words a day.

Writing helps you learn to clarify, organize, and structure your thoughts. Writing helps you think better.

(And, conversely, read! Read good writers. Read writers who write for the joy of using language. Then work on making your own writing more playful! And, sleep with a thesaurus under your pillow.)

[posnet]

One of the most straight forward things you can do to improve speaking, is to simply speak more slowly. Now I do not mean careful pronouncing every word, but instead focus on completing an entire thought before talking.

If you feel yourself beginning to ramble or becoming nervous. Simply pause, it might seem counter intuitive, but know that you are not pausing for a long as you think you are. And pausing is always better than 'umming' or 'aaahing'.

Also broaden your vocabulary, the best way is simply to read more books. So that next time when you as 'how to talk smart' you instead say 'how do I speak more cohesively'

[Tideflat]

On exception to the not saying "ummm" rule is when many other people want to speak and you need to say "umm" to keep from losing your slot.

[jeorgun]

To add to that last point, the most important thing to keep in mind when expanding your vocabulary is knowing when and when not to show it off. Few things come across more poorly than using a "smart" word when a simple one will do just as well.

[lsiebert]

I think, personally, it's important to realize that there are anti-patterns which people use to seem smart, yet which actually waste time, damage relationships, and make you an asshole.

Focusing on being technically correct, when it's not germane to the issue at hand. Don't use minor mistakes people make to try to "score points," by being correct about some fiddly little detail. Being intelligent is not about getting the high score on a technicality. It's about the real issues.

Another example: Don't mansplain. Talk to people as if there are equals, not as if you are the ultimate authority, and engage with them. Talk to people, not at people. The person you are talking to may well know more than you. Even if they don't, they are worthy of respect, and giving them that respect will make it easier to communicate with them, and your goal in opening your mouth should be communicating, not enjoying the sound of your own voice.

This is especially important to watch for, because of largely unconscious biases that culture gives us, when you talk to women, non native english speakers, and cultural and ethnic minorities, even if cultural minority means: "person who isn't from my state," or "guy who is older and in a suit," That person who isn't from your state may be a celebrated professor in Ohio doing ground breaking research. That old person may have been there when they invented what you are talking about.

see http://tim.dreamwidth.org/1890351.html for more.

[kelukelugames]

3 simple tricks to be more charismatic. Are you ready?

Step 1. Breathe in and breathe out before you speak. The pause makes you more composed. Plus the speaker will think you are a good listener.

Step 2. Don't nod you head more than once per sentence when listening to other people. Too much head movement reflects insecurity and immaturity.

Step 3. Don't rise your inflection at the end of a sentence. Makes you sound like an insecure valley girl.

Source:

http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magneti...

[espitia]

Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie[1], never mind the title. Written in 1936 and still relevant today. I've recommended to many friends who come back feeling like they have superpowers, it's that good. Personally, I've read it a few times now and still can't wait to read it again.

[1]http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/15...

[bobosha]

One of the best pieces of advice I have heard - and admittedly this is in the context of a presentation - is, "state what you will present, present, and state what you presented".

[stan_rogers]

The traditional way of putting it is, "tell 'em what you're going to tell 'em, tell 'em, then tell 'em what you told 'em." It's an awful lot older than Powerpoint. It was probably old before Carnegie got hold of it.

[dropit_sphere]

I'm going to waffle a bit and say that it's not technique; it's an effect.

Further, it's not always an effect with a reasonable cause. Have a $5 billion exit, for instance, and I will listen in rapt attention to anything you say that's not asinine. Perhaps not if you write it to the public of HN, but in a private conversation? I'd be impressed, flattered, etc., not necessarily because of what was said or how it was said, but because of who said it. There's a reinforcing effect here where the more leeway the listener gives you, the more rhetorical risks you'll feel like you can take.

Which brings me to my next point: be less accurate. This is a habit (good? bad?) that hackers can pick up because we deal with computers that do care about accuracy and don't care about rhetorical effect.

The harder part here is sacrificing your self-image of someone who doesn't bullshit.

[PeterWhittaker]

Be comfortable with silence.

Listen, and appear to be listening. (You may in fact be preparing your response on the inside, but your face and body should show that you are listening.)

When the other finishes speaking, pause to reflect. Whether you reflect or not is up to you, you might just be practicing your Clint Eastwood stare.

After a pause, acknowledge what was said, briefly (without paraphrasing or rehashing, unless you want to be a politician), then speak, making your point briefly. Pause while you speak, speak slowly (but not so much more slowly than the general flow of conversation that it becomes noticeable in and of itself).

These tips will give the appearance of consideration and engagement.

The rest is up to you. Have something to say. If you don't, say nothing. Remember the Lesser Known Walken Principle: When I don't know what to do, I do nothing.

(The Better Known Walken Principle is More cowbell. FYI.)

[lmartel]

The single best piece of advice I've been given is "in conversation, always wait two seconds before responding."

It gives you time to think (and avoid saying something stupid), and also makes everything you say seem thoughtful, even when it isn't. You'll also instantly become "a great listener"

[andrewchambers]

"Talk smart" is not exactly a good way to describe this.

You should be able to improve by simply slowing down and considering what you want to say before you say it.

[ChuckMcM]

I think this is the best advice, and combine it with don't say anything if you don't have anything to add.

[orthecreedence]

A lot of this comes down to confidence. How comfortable are you with yourself? A lot of our communication is non verbal. How slow and steady you talk. How your body opens up to or turns away from others. Do you lean in, or are you leaning away? Are your eyes bugging with excitement or are they half open and disinterested?

A lot of the people who "talk smart" are actually moving smart. Chin slightly up, shoulders back, arms uncrossed, slightly leaning back. This all projects confidence, and if you are exuding confidence, people listen to you. That's assuming you have something interesting to say =].

Another thing you can do to project confidence is to actually be confident. This is earned by accomplishing hard things in your life, and putting in a lot of spiritual work to be happy with who you are as a person. You can lean back and hold your head up as much as you want, but if you're insecure or unsure of yourself, you will come across as a phony.

Be the person you want to be. Be the person who is exactly where you are supposed to be right now both in mind and spirit. Confidence will follow. And so will conversation.

Another thing you can do is to just be a great listener. Don't just wait for your chance to speak. If you have a really great point you want to bring up but the conversation diverges, take a breath, and let it go. Slow your mind and be present.

Charm and wit take practice. So if you want to be good, go to a lot of parties with different types of people and talk to everyone you can. Practice, practice, practice. Nobody ever got good at this stuff by sitting at home listening to podcasts. Get out there are start conversations with people. Learn to intuit people's moods. Is this person sad? Maybe they lost someone recently. Talk about loss. Relate to them. Is this person happy? Bring up a cool experience you had and see if they'll share one they had. This kind of intuition comes from practice, from learning to read bodies and faces and moods.

Keep in mind I'm not an expert, but as an introvert I've been working on all this for a long, long time.

Good luck =].

[iyn]

Great question, thanks for asking this! Love the responses so far.

This doesn't answer the question, but this video gives great perspective on how one can be perceived depending on his body language: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rk_SMBIW1mg

It's not always about words, body language is very important in making the impression.

[nico]

Great insight. There's also a very good class about body language on Udemy (https://www.udemy.com/body-language-for-entrepreneurs/). Body language has a huge impact in the way other people perceive us.

A cool exercise is having a conversation only by listening very attentively to what the other person is saying (never, ever, breaking eye contact, being present all the time) and just making different facial expressions without saying a single word.

[maratd]

> All these people speak slowly and clearly

Perhaps, you too, should speak slowly and clearly. Use adjectives. Add a bit of color and side-story.

Our brains have a speed limit. It's mostly the same for pretty much everybody, but some of us have learned the skill of slowing down the conversation.

If you slow the conversation down, you have more time to think and come up with something witty to say.

So, speak slowly, add adjectives, add color and side-stories, metaphors, I can go on, but you get the picture.

Do not add stupidity like "like", "you know", "uhmmm", etc.

That's your brain freezing up because you're moving too fast and it is trying to compensate by inserting noise to slow down the conversation. Slow down the conversation deliberately and clearly by adding context.

[wingerlang]

> Do not add stupidity like "like"...

Ironic, is it?