sad-throwaway's comments

That quote is taken out of context. I said:

> I've had entire weeks at work where all I do is edit YAML files

Editing config files isn't what I do every day, it's just an example of the consequence of using multiple massive frameworks combined with hundreds of libraries. So much work is done for you that at times you just need to configure everything.

Do you mean business logic? Because large parts of that are also farmed out to opensource packages. If someone has implemented it on GitHub, my manager will find it, pull it in, and hack it until it does what is needed.

What can't be done this way is dictated by my manager. I have to implement it as specified in JIRA. There's very little room for creativity.

I've been off anti-depressants for a few months, having been on SSRIs for about a year.

I mostly feel fine off my meds, though lately I am finding it harder to stay positive. Random negative thoughts surface more often, and it's difficult at times to deal with them. I think the current situation with lockdown and covid is having a toll on my mental health.

I'm not depressed, but I'm scared I may end up depressed again...

You'd like that, wouldn't you? :P

Everyday carry? I don't know the terminology! Ain't got nobody to correct me :/

In the 15+ years of ridicule, armchair psychologists, and unsolicited advice that I've had to endure, this comment is definitely the most flavorful and interesting one. I like it!

I'll be sure to name my daily carry "Trusty Sidearm of Destiny"

I'm a regular at my local gun club. It's full of older folks - which is OK, but I think one needs to occasionally be around people of one's age group

I could just not be going at the right time of day, or perhaps I could join a larger club

Archery is also a good suggestion, thanks. I'll see if I can find something near by

Yep... Though I'm less sad these days since I started taking SSRIs

Suggestions for a new handle?

I probably won't post on this account again, it's just I keep being conservative rather quiet and I remembered I still had this account in my password manager

I've tried that. There's really not much out there. Regarding trying to understand why, I think it's something like cultural differences.

Despite being born here, and raised by British parents, I am the only Pro-Gun, pro-self defense person that I know. I've tried for many years to find others like me

To be blunt, I'm working on getting a degree so I can fuck off to Texas where I clearly belong

Oh there's young conservatives like myself, but there's just not many of us -- so dating and friendships are harder. I often don't have anyone to talk to about political things that get on my nerves, whereas all my non-conservative friends can talk to each other

My partner is (broadly speaking) center-left, but politics is essentially a forbidden topic. It's not just venting, whenever there's some good news (e.g. a law I was hoping for), I can't celebrate with anyone

Actually, it's all very isolating and lonely...

Woah, you weren't kidding! Thank you, I'll try to look into these when I get home

>If you have some passion that you're unable to share

I like firearms - but it's frowned upon to like guns in the UK. There's nothing on meetup.com for that

I like animals - not sure that actually translates well into an activity to share with others though

I used to play online games during my time at school - even went to a few LAN parties - but I'm not so good. After a long time (maybe a year - or more), I just stopped trying as I wasn't having fun. I wasn't getting invited much anyway since people don't want to play with someone who isn't very good

>Also, if you're kinda good at something, googling some pedagogy basics and teaching it for free in your spare time will make you meet grateful people.

I can teach you to write code and shoot guns

For the former, I already give talks at my local user group. I suppose I could try to advertise explicitly to beginners? I usually teach intermediate-to-advanced people (especially FP, monads, clean code, security, encryption)

For the latter, nobody (around me anyway) wants to learn

What are the different kinds?

I am considering psychedelics as I read Ketamine is suppose to be quite effective with depression. Might be a bit hard to do that though

>Travel. Seriously, just pack up your bags and travel

I did. I went to Texas and you know what, I actually felt glad to be alive for the first time in as long as I can remember. Didn't feel that anywhere else (so it wasn't just the effects of traveling). It just felt like home ... in a way that my actual home - England - doesn't and never has for me

>If your job and your city aren't working for you just turn your back and leave

I wish I could, but how can I just up and leave when I don't have a visa? I can't live where I'd like to right now. I did some research, and I'm not eligible for any visas at the moment

I am trying to work towards eligibility, but it's really time and energy consuming

No... but I'm not sure what to do about it

I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful

What else can I do, HN?

I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do try to make an effort to talk to people about their lives and such - but they never reciprocate

I'm afraid that if I try to kill myself, I might make a mistake and could end up crippled. Alive, just with an even lower quality of life. That fear is about the only thing keeping me alive at the moment

I'm so tired of being alive. I just feel unwanted and unloved all the time

Wow I hadn't thought of it that way. Thank you

>we're lessened by you removing yourself

I don't see how

>Suicide causes long-term emotional pain for your family and friends.

I have been in long-term emotional pain, and likely will be for the rest of my life. Yes, I do not want to cause others to feel pain - but why should I continue to deal with crushing pain just to spare others from pain that will likely pass?

>Do you want people who don't know you and know hardly anything about your pain to engage in discussion with you?

I don't see how that makes a difference.

When I do speak to people in my life, it's not like it's helpful in any way. They just seem worried and concerned. That's touching, sure, but does not actually help.

If anything, people often say to speak to a therapist - someone who doesn't know you.

>I don't want you or anyone to commit suicide

Why?

Why should suicide be seen as anti-social? You are trying to force those who just want their unbearable pain to be over to continue to live. I never understood it being seen as selfish for a similar reason. I disagree stigma will reduce the suicide rate - when I do feel very suicidal, I can tell you I don't care what anyone thinks. Pretty much the only reason I am alive is I haven't figured out a way to actually end it that's somewhat guaranteed, painless, and irreversible - I know if I were to fail an attempt and end up in the hospital, people like you would force me to stay alive, weather it be throwing me in a padded white room or giving me drugs. Oh perhaps if I'm in enough physical pain, my pain will be legitimized and I'll be allowed euthanasia.

And yet, somehow I am the anti-social one.

[this is a throwaway account so that I can talk openly about being depressed and suicidal]